Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Hi there,
I am sure there are many people out there like me, going through what I am going through. I hear that a lot from people, but I have finally come to the point where I need to reach out there and see if there are others I can connect with who share this path and can maybe offer some wisdom to get me through.
Here is the typical: My husband suffers from pretty severe depression and anxiety and has been abusing alcohol for years to try to self-medicate. When he's drinking he is abusive in all forms, but most often verbally and emotionally. The mood swings and the anger that always ends up directed at me is so heart breaking. It has taken 3 years to get to the point we are at today, where he as finally gotten in to see a psychitrist and they have given him medications to start.
There is so much history there that I could write a book, but suffice it to say he had a bad experience with medications making anxiety worse so he's adverse to these things, and the slightest side effect or issue with meds sends him running........... but the booze bottle is always welcome. It's horrifying to see the effect alcohol abuse has had on him mentally and physically, and yet he keeps going for it, hoping it will work this time. I find the dichotmy of being afraid of meds but slowly killing your self with booze so frustrating that I think about leaving him regularily. Coupled with the abuse, which is almost childlike in nature but a grown man can do more damage, it is so hard to see the person behind the illness- the person I chose 12 years ago as 'my person'.
The idea of divorcing this person that I love completely fills me with dread and pain. But living with this person does the same, so which is better?
Does anyone out there have any advice or encouragement for me? I could sure use it right about now.
You need to talk to him because as much as you chose him to be your person he chose you to be his and you cannot allow yourself to be in a position where he gets drunk and physically harms you or even continues to emotionally abuse you forever. He didn't choose depression and neither did you and you guys can fight against it together but alcohol (as previously mentioned) is a CHOICE. And either you can be his person or alcohol can be his person but you can't enable his poor behaviour by accepting alcohol as a bedmate. He needs to know that his alcohol consumption is harming you. Alcohol is not a valid coping mechanism, and we may all indulge every once in awhile but it sounds like your describing the road to alcoholism.
I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear but please stay safe <3