Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I run, it is a hobby I have picked up over the past three years. I had a race tonight, one he pushed me to be in. He thought it'd be good for me to do it, it was I needed to do for me right now. He said I should ask my sister to go with, she did and she ran with me.
I got home... he was ANGRY! He is still angry. I got home about 3 hours after the race began- the race is about an hour plus mingling and snacking afterwards, and it was about an hour away. So if I ran and rushed home... thats 2 hours. 1 extra hour in there... he is upset I didn't call him. He didn't think it through... he never expects things to take as long as they will. If I am going for coffee with someone he figures I will be home within the hour. I explain that it'll be up to 3 depending on who it is with... men ;)
Anyways, he is VERY angry that I was gone so long. He said he is tired of playing second fiddle to me here in my hometown and in his hometown. His family has been calling to arrange dates with us and checking them with me (we are going to visit them next week for a few weeks). He can't stand this... he can't stand that his family wants to see me and mine doesn't want to see him (or me for that matter). He said tonight that he doesn't want me to go with him next week, he wants to go alone. He doesn't want me there so he will drive alone and I will see him later on. WHAT?! This is unheard of. We don't travel apart hardly at all and I always go visit his family with him. They will be shocked if I am not there! I don't know what to do... nothing I guess. It isn't my fault... I was born to parents who truly don't like hardly any people, consider me to be an annoyingly planned and scheduled individual and too much of a socialite, and don't want a thing to do with my guy. I can't change it... I've tried believe me I've tried.
He says he loves me and he is angry that I ask if he loves me... He doesn't assure me that we will always be together though. I mentioned this in my last post, it was always a reassurance that we'd be together forever no questions asked... forget the world we have love and love is all you need. He doesn't seem to feel that way lately. I would up and move for him now if that would help. I fear it wouldn't... he does not want to see my family EVER. He doesn't want to hear from them or give them information... and he will always have to do that by association of me. I feel his disdain of my family is outweighing his love of me which is terrible....
especially because I came to peace last year with the fact that my father's disdain of my guy outweighs his love of me.
After this post I will look for jobs where he would want to live that I can take care of us... I will get those applications together and prepare them along with more for here. It can't hurt.
If he leaves me for good... I will be here often because A) what else will I do with myself and B) I have to remember where I have come from... I will travel the world quickly... I think I would just buy a plane ticket and start going immediately.
I don't want him to leave me you guys.... it isn't my fault I was born into this family... and it isn't my fault I am so lovable that his family loves me. I just don't know how to deal with this- it is such outside factors affecting my life and affecting my emotions.... cookie dough sounds very good right now. I have no ingredients for that... I can't control myself with it in the house.... cookie dough truly feels necessary.
I have thought over the years that it would be nice if we could "beam" into some room together to share our thoughts and ideas. And a roll of cookie dough... a hug from one of you who understands the depressed would be the perfect medicine right now. I really wish depression would die off, I hate depression. :(
I got home... he was ANGRY! He is still angry. I got home about 3 hours after the race began- the race is about an hour plus mingling and snacking afterwards, and it was about an hour away. So if I ran and rushed home... thats 2 hours. 1 extra hour in there... he is upset I didn't call him. He didn't think it through... he never expects things to take as long as they will. If I am going for coffee with someone he figures I will be home within the hour. I explain that it'll be up to 3 depending on who it is with... men ;)
Anyways, he is VERY angry that I was gone so long. He said he is tired of playing second fiddle to me here in my hometown and in his hometown. His family has been calling to arrange dates with us and checking them with me (we are going to visit them next week for a few weeks). He can't stand this... he can't stand that his family wants to see me and mine doesn't want to see him (or me for that matter). He said tonight that he doesn't want me to go with him next week, he wants to go alone. He doesn't want me there so he will drive alone and I will see him later on. WHAT?! This is unheard of. We don't travel apart hardly at all and I always go visit his family with him. They will be shocked if I am not there! I don't know what to do... nothing I guess. It isn't my fault... I was born to parents who truly don't like hardly any people, consider me to be an annoyingly planned and scheduled individual and too much of a socialite, and don't want a thing to do with my guy. I can't change it... I've tried believe me I've tried.
He says he loves me and he is angry that I ask if he loves me... He doesn't assure me that we will always be together though. I mentioned this in my last post, it was always a reassurance that we'd be together forever no questions asked... forget the world we have love and love is all you need. He doesn't seem to feel that way lately. I would up and move for him now if that would help. I fear it wouldn't... he does not want to see my family EVER. He doesn't want to hear from them or give them information... and he will always have to do that by association of me. I feel his disdain of my family is outweighing his love of me which is terrible....
especially because I came to peace last year with the fact that my father's disdain of my guy outweighs his love of me.
After this post I will look for jobs where he would want to live that I can take care of us... I will get those applications together and prepare them along with more for here. It can't hurt.
If he leaves me for good... I will be here often because A) what else will I do with myself and B) I have to remember where I have come from... I will travel the world quickly... I think I would just buy a plane ticket and start going immediately.
I don't want him to leave me you guys.... it isn't my fault I was born into this family... and it isn't my fault I am so lovable that his family loves me. I just don't know how to deal with this- it is such outside factors affecting my life and affecting my emotions.... cookie dough sounds very good right now. I have no ingredients for that... I can't control myself with it in the house.... cookie dough truly feels necessary.
I have thought over the years that it would be nice if we could "beam" into some room together to share our thoughts and ideas. And a roll of cookie dough... a hug from one of you who understands the depressed would be the perfect medicine right now. I really wish depression would die off, I hate depression. :(
Today has been rough, I'm not working right now it's vacation. I know that makes it worse... Normally id get my mind off it all. Today though has been the worst I've had in nearly a year. I'm a mess, I've tried to talk to him but he won't talk. He's so shut off from me he's so cold with me. He keeps talking about leaving, I don't want to be apart but I don't know what to do to keep him with me. I planned on doing this forever, I never want to be apart from him.
I am trying to also not be crazy lady attacking him but I just would like him to reconnect with me and talk with me.
I'll update you all soon. Thanks :)
They flip flop so much. Mne does the same thing. Encourages me to do things on my own without him becuase he can;t handle something. then when I finally do, he resents me for it and tries to make me feel guilty and lashes out at me like I don;t want to be with him or that I avoid spending time with him, even though i wait on him and beg him to do things with me or with our son. He constantly declines and then when we do sinally just give up trying to get him to join us he acts like we don;t care.
I also have the family thing. I did not post last week becuase I did not have time, my class ended and I had schoolwork, but his sister had a big party, they like on the lake, for firwroks night . Kids, boats, hot tub, lake, BBQ - they have a fell wet bar tiki hut, etc, He did not go. said he could not handle it and I went anyway for our son to see his aunts and undcles and cousins and have fun. we were gone from like 4 till 11pm. man was he pissed. Then on the 4th, his sister invited us over. we went at 3, I brought him home at 7. I had to go back - our son was there. I went back at 8 and came home at midnight and he is blaming me for not spending time with him.
He says we live seperately and he does not want to spend time with me if I do not want to be with him. That we are in a rut and a pattern and I do not like him and how its not like it was in the beginning. I keep explaining I am trying but he has to try too and he blames me and says nothing chnages. I can only ask him so many times to do things. I have invited him to go out just he and I, I took those three days off to spend with him and he had no motivation to go anywhere or do anything - we did not even go out to dinner - not ONE time in 4 days off at home together. I have been invites to a wedding of a work teammate. I want him to go, I have told him about it and he is already coming up with 10 excuses why he can't but yet if I go without him he will be pissed at me too. there is no winning here.
I know how you feel - they are so irrational and the thinking is so inaccurate. I also get a little miffed at the families too. Like my hubs family will talk to me and not him and its only becuase they know I will make the plan and try to get us there and he will not...its not that they love me more than him, like he seems to think, its that they know I will make the plans and get us there if I can;