Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Hi,
This is for married people mainly; I have recently married and it's been three months. Something isn't working.
The day before the wedding I had a massive argument over something extremely simple. This made me almost' drive into my best friends arms (the best friend who always wanted me but I always got away). Ok so there's some context.
Nevertheless, I didn't because I didn't want to stand up the groom or fail my duties. So I got married and it's been .. not what I expected.
Everyone is noticing that I am not as happy as I used to be, the pressures I experience from my husband to be a house wife are uncomfortable and a tad unrealistic (I work full time and he works from home). He only wants me to touch him when he feels like it, he only wants to go out when he's in the mood and I feel like my needs are not being met - so I can't help but think about the old best friend that I miss, that I almost chose.
He told me that when I got married that things can change so live with a fiance first. I didn't - but now that I'm living with my husband it's like he's a different person to whom I thought. It's only been three months, what is the rest of my marriage going to be like if I'm not enjoying it so far!!!
Help! I'm miserable. Also, I'm a Christian; so I want to do what is above all right by God. The bible says to stay married once you marry....
This is for married people mainly; I have recently married and it's been three months. Something isn't working.
The day before the wedding I had a massive argument over something extremely simple. This made me almost' drive into my best friends arms (the best friend who always wanted me but I always got away). Ok so there's some context.
Nevertheless, I didn't because I didn't want to stand up the groom or fail my duties. So I got married and it's been .. not what I expected.
Everyone is noticing that I am not as happy as I used to be, the pressures I experience from my husband to be a house wife are uncomfortable and a tad unrealistic (I work full time and he works from home). He only wants me to touch him when he feels like it, he only wants to go out when he's in the mood and I feel like my needs are not being met - so I can't help but think about the old best friend that I miss, that I almost chose.
He told me that when I got married that things can change so live with a fiance first. I didn't - but now that I'm living with my husband it's like he's a different person to whom I thought. It's only been three months, what is the rest of my marriage going to be like if I'm not enjoying it so far!!!
Help! I'm miserable. Also, I'm a Christian; so I want to do what is above all right by God. The bible says to stay married once you marry....
That is not the case now. If one partner in a marriage becomes abusive and the other is not able to change it, then I fail to see how a just God would demand that the victim stay in the marriage.
I'm not saying that I see your marriage as being there, but rather that I believe that you need to consider more options.
Therapy is a key; if he will not go then do so on your own. A good therapist will help you sort through the issues, help you formulate options. But you will have to select which option is the best for you.
Good luck, I am so sorry that you are having such difficulties.
Sooooo.... exactly why did you think you had to get married?
Having arguments is called a relationship. You can't communicate and live with someone without have disagreements. If this simple act almost, as you say... "drove you into the arms" of someone else..
there is something seriously wrong. You don't jump from one relationship to another simply because you have an argument and you certainly don't get married to someone you aren't 100% sure of just because you don't want to stand him up or fail your duties. That is complete faulty thinking.
and now it is obvious your are paying the consequences.
JMO get some counselling for yourself and let the chips fall where they may regarding your marriage.
This argument I referred to involved a ring being thrown off and it was huge.. and I am good at interpersonal skills - I'm a therapist! - however It's another thing to evaluate your own life and this is why I come here.
Since this initial post my partner has thrown his ring off and threaned the relationship a couple of times because I am not living up to his expectations of a dutiful wife, nor am I as neat and tidy as he hoped.
This husband is not abusive, but others in my direct family do see that I am not being treated as well as I could be and it's only 4 months into the relationship - where the heck is that happy period, or honeymoon period? I'm telling you it has just been lower then ever since we have been wed.
I will definately take on your advice and go get counselling.
Please be understanding that if I thought this wasn't worth mentioning I would not post this.