Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Do you ever feel like the straw the breaks the camels back has landed? I used to feel that way in the beginning (him being the camel and said situation being the straw). Now that has faded away. He's still the camel- and that back is still breaking- but I realize the straw is anything and everything. When things go right he finds the wrong and when things go wrong he finds an additional slew of wrongs.
It makes it hard to know what he wants.
Example: we are going to an event next weekend. And exciting event we've wanted to do since we first got together. We bought tickets in January and have had this date circled on the calendar. Now.. He doesn't want to go. He wishes we didn't buy tickets. He doesn't want to deal with the crowd or the traffic or anything. Had we not purchased the tickets (case in point last weekend for an event we didn't go to) he would have been sad and frustrated that we wouldn't be going. So how do we win?
It's very hard to constantly take care of another person. Especially when they don't like anything.
Really quick summary of last year so you understand where I am at in what I'm about to say:
Last march my dad came to the house to tell my guy that depression is a choice and he needs to say "I'm happy" and he's tired of seeing me in this situation. (Mind you my dad has NO interaction with me at this point- doesn't talk to me or call me... Nothing. The summer before i went and asked him to be nice to us both please because I'd like to be a family. He said "no" and walked away. Mom says it's too painful for dad to see my life with my guy now so he can't ever see me... Mom has taken dad's side). So my dad isn't very nice or tactful with my extremely depressed love. I quickly make an executive decision and say let's get out of here. I can leave work in 3 months we will give notice and we will move to his home state. We do... We go. My job offer was TERRIBLE there and I can support us here. We talk and he decides we should come back because he is too stressed about having to work again. We come back. We move into a nice apt my job is going great but I believe he is more depressed than ever.
Flash forward to today: he's always saying he misses his friends. He wants to see his friends and family (obviously you can see my family isn't the best for a familial atmosphere). It's constant and he talks of leaving so often now... He says he feels hopeless and trapped here. I love this man but maybe I'm trying too hard? I don't know... Anyway I am looking at moving us again. It would be a mess! But I don't see it ever being clean. There's a few jobs I could apply for and we could go. I would have to leave my great job but I am okay with that I think. ;). As long as my job there was good enough.
So here I am... Pondering. He doesn't know. I felt terrible about what happened last year and I don't want to put him through that again I think I wouldn't say a word until I got a job and knew we could go. It could take a long time. I love him and I don't want to be without him. But I do feel that he blames his unhappiness on being here now- but by the same token maybe he'd be more appreciative of what he had back home with friends and family? It's a tough spot.
No drastic decisions or anything being made- just thinking it through. Let me know your thoughts
It makes it hard to know what he wants.
Example: we are going to an event next weekend. And exciting event we've wanted to do since we first got together. We bought tickets in January and have had this date circled on the calendar. Now.. He doesn't want to go. He wishes we didn't buy tickets. He doesn't want to deal with the crowd or the traffic or anything. Had we not purchased the tickets (case in point last weekend for an event we didn't go to) he would have been sad and frustrated that we wouldn't be going. So how do we win?
It's very hard to constantly take care of another person. Especially when they don't like anything.
Really quick summary of last year so you understand where I am at in what I'm about to say:
Last march my dad came to the house to tell my guy that depression is a choice and he needs to say "I'm happy" and he's tired of seeing me in this situation. (Mind you my dad has NO interaction with me at this point- doesn't talk to me or call me... Nothing. The summer before i went and asked him to be nice to us both please because I'd like to be a family. He said "no" and walked away. Mom says it's too painful for dad to see my life with my guy now so he can't ever see me... Mom has taken dad's side). So my dad isn't very nice or tactful with my extremely depressed love. I quickly make an executive decision and say let's get out of here. I can leave work in 3 months we will give notice and we will move to his home state. We do... We go. My job offer was TERRIBLE there and I can support us here. We talk and he decides we should come back because he is too stressed about having to work again. We come back. We move into a nice apt my job is going great but I believe he is more depressed than ever.
Flash forward to today: he's always saying he misses his friends. He wants to see his friends and family (obviously you can see my family isn't the best for a familial atmosphere). It's constant and he talks of leaving so often now... He says he feels hopeless and trapped here. I love this man but maybe I'm trying too hard? I don't know... Anyway I am looking at moving us again. It would be a mess! But I don't see it ever being clean. There's a few jobs I could apply for and we could go. I would have to leave my great job but I am okay with that I think. ;). As long as my job there was good enough.
So here I am... Pondering. He doesn't know. I felt terrible about what happened last year and I don't want to put him through that again I think I wouldn't say a word until I got a job and knew we could go. It could take a long time. I love him and I don't want to be without him. But I do feel that he blames his unhappiness on being here now- but by the same token maybe he'd be more appreciative of what he had back home with friends and family? It's a tough spot.
No drastic decisions or anything being made- just thinking it through. Let me know your thoughts
Your 6 year old should know. If you hadn't explained to him that daddy was going through a depression and that it's a disease... What would he think? Probably that daddy abandoned him and doesn't love him. It's best he knows. Of course he can't fully understand still but it's better than having your children blame it on themselves.
I understand the thought of giving up and the thought of just being alone. Goodness I think about it often... Sometimes much more often than others. This has been one of those more often times for me... I feel he is possibly bipolar. It's been suggested in the past but all week I have just shut up and not said a word so that stuff doesn't go bad because of something I did... It's going there enough on its own.
Hang in there- we are here for you!