Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Have you ever evaluated your time spent with someone over long periods? Or even short ones?
I was thinking back over the month of December and realized that there were quite a few more outbursts from him than I realized. It used to feel like all I did was deal with him but lately not so much. I am starting to think that he is still having outbursts just as often but because I try my best not to have a panic attack and let my head explode... They seem much more mild!
Thank heavens!!!! :)
The other odd thing.... So he gets fixated on stupid stuff. Literally stupid... I normally accept weird quirks but he gets fixated on things simply because I believe he doesn't have much else to think of. Well... Anyways... Towards the end I last week, throughout the weekend and up until last night he was telling me constantly how much he loves me and appreciates me. It was nonstop, hugs and kisses. The dishes were done every day, house clean, bed made, all before I came home from work. And the way he said I love you and I appreciate you was almost sad but heartfelt. He gave me this look like he felt bad. Then this morning all hell broke loose. Who knows why? Oh wait... Something stupid but it's not worth going into- its his materialistic desires. But he gave me that sad look again. I honestly feel as though he has felt this depression monster creeping into the forefront of his mind. It was like he felt it and knew he wouldn't be able to control it once it hit. It was like he knew he would undergo an uncontrollable change that he wouldn't want me to deal with but there was nothing he could do about it. It's terrible dealing with him like this but very comforting to know the man I know and love is still in there somewhere and is sorry that he is putting me through this. I know he would stop it if I could but he can't. And I will be here for him when he returns. :)
Again... It is having you guys listen and help me that has made me okay and made me be able to cope with this without ripping out my hair and smashing my head into a wall. :)
I was thinking back over the month of December and realized that there were quite a few more outbursts from him than I realized. It used to feel like all I did was deal with him but lately not so much. I am starting to think that he is still having outbursts just as often but because I try my best not to have a panic attack and let my head explode... They seem much more mild!
Thank heavens!!!! :)
The other odd thing.... So he gets fixated on stupid stuff. Literally stupid... I normally accept weird quirks but he gets fixated on things simply because I believe he doesn't have much else to think of. Well... Anyways... Towards the end I last week, throughout the weekend and up until last night he was telling me constantly how much he loves me and appreciates me. It was nonstop, hugs and kisses. The dishes were done every day, house clean, bed made, all before I came home from work. And the way he said I love you and I appreciate you was almost sad but heartfelt. He gave me this look like he felt bad. Then this morning all hell broke loose. Who knows why? Oh wait... Something stupid but it's not worth going into- its his materialistic desires. But he gave me that sad look again. I honestly feel as though he has felt this depression monster creeping into the forefront of his mind. It was like he felt it and knew he wouldn't be able to control it once it hit. It was like he knew he would undergo an uncontrollable change that he wouldn't want me to deal with but there was nothing he could do about it. It's terrible dealing with him like this but very comforting to know the man I know and love is still in there somewhere and is sorry that he is putting me through this. I know he would stop it if I could but he can't. And I will be here for him when he returns. :)
Again... It is having you guys listen and help me that has made me okay and made me be able to cope with this without ripping out my hair and smashing my head into a wall. :)
brownielove
So... Just thinking of my post and everything... I have thought of something else. A coping mechanism on my part I suppose but I know it hurts us too. All while he is depressed I stay strong, stay strong, stay strong... Then for him it is usually a sudden moment where he can be back to "normal.". I am sure really for him it is a process in his mind battling through to be strong enough to overcome, but for me it is in the blink of an eye. I have an EXTREMELY difficult time jumping in with him on life. I suddenly get a flood of emotion at these moments. And I'm sure it's like anything else where you hold back emotion and when you suddenly know everything is okay you cry for a multitude of reasons. He does not understand why I can't jump in with him and enjoy the day. And I try to continue covering up, I don't cry in front of him at these times (I can't think of a much worse way for him to have his victory of depression celebrated). But I fall into a funk which I try to stay out of but it is hard. I've been doing better with it. I don't mind the emotion whatsoever but I wish I could wait to release it for another time. I want to jump into life with him and smile at these sudden occasions and I do but every once in awhile he will ask if I'm okay. And I feel I have my guard up, for so many reasons I'm holding back my emotional release, I'm cautious that he's not back (which I shouldn't be but am), I'm tired, etc... Usually I can cover it all up well enough to not have it be an issue. I just wish it were always :).
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