Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Our day started strange. I posted about it earlier. This posting area and support group has become my constant check in over the past few days. Reading what people have to say and seeing that im not alone helps immensely.
So anyways.... After our strange morning things have been fine. We've had a nice saturday together at home and it has been wonderful. Just relaxed and peaceful. He hit silence about an hour ago. It's that point where he won't talk anymore. He answers me with shrugs and grunts. And there is nothing I can do or say to make it better. I know I want to get him to talk and he doesn't want to talk. I'm going to try my best... I will not talk about the awkward place we are in. I will only mention anecdotals on tv. I will clean the house at my leisure.
I'd like to go shopping. He knows this, I have a gift card and 2 coupons that expire today. The problem: if he doesn't go with me he'll be upset. If he does go with me he will make me feel like I must buy him something.
I suppose I shall stay home. I have to stop buying him stuff.
Two things that have upset him this afternoon that I've seen:
1.) he mentioned putting off getting a job again for a few months. ( it's been over 3 years and in July he promised he'd start to help... No progress made except that it's on the table and I won't take it off) he quickly said he was joking shortly after he saw my facial expression and heard my "what?"
2.) I'm beating him at our words with friends game (this is infuriating to him when he's in his moods!) I usually back off and let him take the lead when he is very upset like this. Otherwise we play fairly. (to be honest I never know who is winning unless he says something) well... He said it. Hmm... I hope this gets better. I have to stay strong and I will. I must. I cannot give in to his anger and depression!
I will most likely check in this evening to clear my thoughts be them good or bad :)
Thank you whoever is listening. Thank you for being there,
So anyways.... After our strange morning things have been fine. We've had a nice saturday together at home and it has been wonderful. Just relaxed and peaceful. He hit silence about an hour ago. It's that point where he won't talk anymore. He answers me with shrugs and grunts. And there is nothing I can do or say to make it better. I know I want to get him to talk and he doesn't want to talk. I'm going to try my best... I will not talk about the awkward place we are in. I will only mention anecdotals on tv. I will clean the house at my leisure.
I'd like to go shopping. He knows this, I have a gift card and 2 coupons that expire today. The problem: if he doesn't go with me he'll be upset. If he does go with me he will make me feel like I must buy him something.
I suppose I shall stay home. I have to stop buying him stuff.
Two things that have upset him this afternoon that I've seen:
1.) he mentioned putting off getting a job again for a few months. ( it's been over 3 years and in July he promised he'd start to help... No progress made except that it's on the table and I won't take it off) he quickly said he was joking shortly after he saw my facial expression and heard my "what?"
2.) I'm beating him at our words with friends game (this is infuriating to him when he's in his moods!) I usually back off and let him take the lead when he is very upset like this. Otherwise we play fairly. (to be honest I never know who is winning unless he says something) well... He said it. Hmm... I hope this gets better. I have to stay strong and I will. I must. I cannot give in to his anger and depression!
I will most likely check in this evening to clear my thoughts be them good or bad :)
Thank you whoever is listening. Thank you for being there,
It has been so long since I've done what I want to do. We do what I like best of what he likes. I wanted to stop and Starbucks this morning and enjoy a latte but he was so angry I was afraid to push him over the edge by adding anything to what we would do.
It's sad this life we live and this duty we are called to care for our depressed partners.
I am going to go plant my flowers and sit outside amongst them reading my book. It's a happy go lucky series of books I have made my escape. I will have to restart the series when I come to the end. I can't say goodbye to these people whose lives I live through vicariously. They have become my friends.
As have all of you out there. Thank you again.
I appreciate the support and knowing I am not alone. Thank you.
When my H decides to be silent & distance himself from our relationship, then, he doesn't get my concern. I do for me & the kids. I go where I want & do what I need to do. If he wants to participate, great, but I WILL NOT put my life, or my kid's on hold because of his depression. He can sulk all he wants, but thats the reality I need to live.
My H has been in and out of work for almost 3 years now too. (mostly out.) The consequence is that I DON'T buy him stuff! I just don't have the $$. Sucks to be him, but I REFUSED to go back into debt because he wanted a motorcycle. I'm just grateful that I have a job that (usually) pays for the bills. Because I have that, I have not had to push him into getting a job. I know how hard it is on his fragile emotions to go to interviews & not get hired, or take a crappy job he hates & become more miserable every day he goes, or gets fired because he just doesn't fit in (Duh- he has depression & it shows!)
But I also saw how crappy he felt about himself because he was not contributing to the family finances. I'm glad he kept looking & has finally found a place he enjoys, is good at and is appreciated at. When he had his meltdown he said it was the only good thing in his life. So finding the RIGHT place is so good for them. He feels so much better about himself. Brownielove, I would keep encouraging & supporting him in finding a good job for him. it does wonders! & I can BREATH now that my H is not home every day! His sleep has gotten better too & he's been taking his meds every day!!! (2 weeks now)
He wants me to say "I'm sorry" and end it there. I could do that if he would at least be affectionate with me and hug me while he is sad. But he's angry. He's furious!
I am not suppose to be here I am suppose to be in class. I am missing it. It started 5 min ago.. I texted my friend and got it all sorted out. I walked back in and he is even angrier. He started to cry and drove off. He said he has no one to listen and he has to remember that. I don't know what he is looking for?! I sit here silently, I probe him to talk, I support him when he does talk, I hug him when he wants a hug, what am I suppose to do?!?!
I shouldn't have skipped class I know this. I wish I had chocolate in the house. I am just struggling. The mood swings are getting more and more intense!
You guys are right, he needs to work, thi past summer we had many doors open and I told him he was to choose the one that would make it easiest for him to help us. Well... I can't imagine had he chosen one more difficult.
Finnmom, what you said us really what I have thought all along, if he does something he cares about it will help immensely. I don't even care if it makes money.
Ugh.... Why is it so hard?