Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Hi There! My husband suffers from Bi-Polar II.. which basically means he's depressed a lot of the time. He has an amazing and resilient personality and has worked really hard on himself and inside the relationship to learn how to deal with the emotions, etc. What I'm struggling with now is that I realize that during his times of feeling good we start these MAJOR projects, ie.. house renovation, starting a business together... and then he gets depressed and I'm left with the brunt of the work and stress until he comes out of it and can deal again. I'm feeling resentful and want to just quit all projects at this point, sell the house and forget the business. Not sure if he will ever be able to get it together enough for us to actualize any of these things and it's frustrating. I don't want to struggle all the time. I am good at my work and earning money and am trying to get these other things going but just don't feel any support. He makes money and covers his portion of the bills but can't deal with much outside of that. It seems like he's constantly trying to get the fix of the next big excitement and when the real work starts he loses interest. It's INSANELY FRUSTRATING!! I'm 40 and he keeps talking about us having a child but I'm afraid that will become another one of our "unfinished projects" and he will lose interest once he realizes how much work and dedication is invoved. I don't want to look back at my life and wish I would have done things differently. BAH! This sucks!
Did you make any progress with this? Where are you at with the projects now?? I can't say I have any advice to offer but I do understand those fears and frustrations. My partner is a teacher and boy is he amazing with kids - I mean really amazing. It's one of the things I adore about him and one of the reasons I love him - seeing him with kids makes me realize what an incredible dad he'd be on truly all fronts. But then I remember what you're talking about right here - that real work is f***ing hard and exhausting and children are real. work. And I just think.... I'm just afraid that one day he'd be the most amazing father in the whole world and the next day he'd be sitting in front of the computer screen doing nothing while his child feels ignored and forgotten.
Additionally - I read a response you wrote in a different thread... the thread about how one of us was crumbling under the weight of having to support everyone around them and felt like they weren't getting any emotional support back. You said sometimes you lay down with your partner and just quietly chat and you tell him about your feelings from a place of your own self care, not a place of resentment. Can I ask if you've tried tell your partner about these fears or frustrations that you have? Or can I ask what are some of the things you've said in the past? I've tried to do this I feel like but 1) I have a hard time asking for intimacy and 2) I'm so afraid that what I say will come off as selfish. :S