Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Hi, I suffered from depression on and off for the past 10 years. I know a bit about depression but yet I am still struggling to support my boyfriend who has been through a lot in the past 2 years. He is denying his own depression, at least to me. I don't think he is in any treatment or therapy. I know from my own experience that it is best to give him space and let him be depressed until he finds the energy to try to feel better. But I am worried like hell because I know he nearly jumped off a bridge last year, and might try it again. The weak and insecure part of me fears that he is just cheating on me, and he doesn't have depression at all. I would really want him to admit that he has depression and get some treatment. It would be so much easier to support him that way.
Eversince I met this guy, I found a goal in my life, and I haven't felt depressed at all. It's been 17 months which is not that long, but it certainly has felt different knowing what I want to achieve. It's been magical for me, but I don't know how to return the same feeling.
My boyfriend is an old fashioned Korean, and he think it is his responsibility to provide for his parents (who didn't do a good job of that same task themsleves), maybe give some financial support to his siblings when needed(and are in need occasionally) , and I think he feels that I am also his responsibility. Suffering from depression myself, I cannot say I am financially stable, but I am managing. He is providing for his parents, who are both ill, and lost a friend from suicide last year. I think he lost his job a few months ago, but he pretends that he is working. He is not answering any of my phone calls or texts and the its been 6 weeks since I last met him.
I don't think any of his friends or family will help him to get support, I haven't met any of them but that is what I suspect from what he told me about them. Seeing him being depressed, now I believe that his father has been depressed his whole life, and I don't think my boyfried or any of his family knows, I think they just think that he is an irresponsible ass and that is why I believe that my boyfriend would not get any support from his family. They are uneducated of mental illness.
How do I get such a guy to admit his depression and get some help? I think he would be less suicidle and it would be easier for me to be patient with him in times he shuts me off. But it seems whatever I say in text is not helping, and I am afriad to say the 'D-word' without him being with me.
Sorry if it was difficult to read, english is my 2nd language. I couldn't find any supporters support group for depression in my first language. thanks for reading.
There is such a stigma surrounding talking about mental illness, that it feels like an accusation when you tell someone that you're worried they might be depressed.
My person recently fell back into depression and when I wanted to talk about it I said:
"This isn't like you. Something is wrong. Are you okay?" (<< When he was oddly rude and mean).
It only kinda worked. He did the usual - it's not you, it's me. And then told me that he just needed space.
I really hope that you find a way to talk to him (and if you do, let me know how you did it!)
My guy kinda sinks inside himself when he is depressed.... so I really have to carefully coax him out to speak anything... but he is usually a quiet guy and he always needed some space and time when things turned to worse. I suppose that was a mild form of depression, I should've known.
But it's different now. The few time he speaks to me he says that he feels unworthy and hopless and he feels shameful to meet people.
I'm really stuck here. it took him 3 weeks to send me something longer than a few words. I haven't met him or heard his voice for 6 weeks. but when he speaks to me, I can feel the SOS rather than the "good buy, we're done" So no matter how long he doesn't speak to me I don't think he wishes to leave me.
anyway, the latest comment that worked for me was..
"I'm always on your side"
he did speak to me that evening. for a short while...
it's simple and obvious but I hope this will work for you, somehow.
I'll let you know if anything else works. Thank you.