Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
My husband and I have only been married for a year. I've known our whole relationship he has depression but this is the first I have seen it this bad and this is the first I am on my own dealing with it and not having the extra support of his family. He's talked about how he's not meant for this world and how he doesn't fit in anywhere. I've looked on his computer history (which is wrong of me I know but I just am so concerned) and he's looked up similar topics and once has even looked up suicide tips. He sees a psychologist but I don't know how much he shares with him. Should I message his psychologist and clue him in on how things have been going? I don't want to lose my husband's trust or have him stop telling me things but I also don't want to lose my husband. We haven't seen his parents too much and they worry a lot and sometimes make things more stressful. Do I clue them in on how depressed he's been or will that make the situation worse? I constantly remind him that I love him and my life is better with him with me, but what else can I do to help him through this and not give up his fight? I really have no one to talk about this with, the few friends I share with I feel while they listen, they don't understand and honestly aren't very helpful. I want to make sure I am doing all I can to help him but I feel so very lost and so very alone in this. Any advice, personal experience, encouragement, thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
What I would say to someone starting out on this road is first and foremost you CANNOT fix them. I'm a "fixer' by personality and profession. It took me many years and an ocean of tears to realize that. ALL I can do is try to be there and let him know he's loved no matter what. It's overwhelming, frustrating, and just plain irritating sometimes. I just remind myself that we will come out on the other side okay. It may take a day or a week, but it will happen.
This is such a difficult disease to live with, for both parties. He is lucky to have you. Don't let him withdraw too much from his family as it sounds like they are helpful. Reach out to them if you think it will help. He doesn't have to know. I don't think you were wrong to check his history, you weren't looking for something out of nosiness, you were worried about his LIFE.
The positive thing about loving someone with depression is that you truly learn to value the good times.