Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I've dealt with my wife's lifelong depression for 16 years now. She has ups and downs and seems to be on a constant search for the right medication. I'm a fixer by nature but i know i can't make her better and can only support her. I wish she was capable of meeting all of my emotional needs but I have been learning that is not the case. Lately I've been particularly sad about the lack of physical intimacy in our relationship. Either she is too depressed to be interested in intimacy (sexual or nonsexual) or antidepressants kill any interest she might have in sex. We've talked about the issue but it hasn't really helped. When I have to ask for affection how can I feel like it is genuine?
In the movie Princess Bride, there is a scene where Inigo Montoya, a master swordsman, is dueling the "Masked Man." As Montoya cannot seem to get the better of him, and is impressed with his skill he asks, "Who are you?" "No one of consequence." is the reply. "I must know." Montoya persist and the Masked Man replies, "Learn to live with disappointment." to which Montoya shrugs his shoulders and the duel continues.
I am learning to change my expectations and to live with disappointment. This isn't necessarily the type of advice you might wish to hear, but by changing my expectations and wants, I have lowered the anxiety, frustration, tension and yes even disappointment to levels I can live with. I have also found that when she no longer feels like she is disappointing me, she is able to feel more positively about me, a step in the right direction.