So i've thought of finding a support group or something for awhile... your stories all sound so familiar to me. I started dating my boyfriend about 2 1/2 years ago and we were friends for 2 years before that. We've decided that we'd like to get married in a few years and I really do love him. He was diagnosed with Depression around the time we started dating and took meds, I noticed he'd changed a bit but I was caught up in the excitment of being with him and in graduating. The summer after we graduated he took on more hours at his job, to the point where he was doing more than 40 hours per week. By the end of the summer he was the manager of a large wharehouse at 17 years old. It was a lot of stress and commitment for him and I only saw him twice all summer. We started college and he kept his hours, working everyday and going to college at night. He stopped huging me and kissing me, he got really distant. I thought he was trying to break up with me, I really didn't see that he was depressed. I cried pretty much everyday, I didn't know what to do. I eventually got to the point where I straight up asked him if he still loved me. That was when he told me about the depression and he said he just couldn't love me because of it.

It kinda felt like all the pieces of a puzzel fell into place. I was really sad but I felt comforted by knowing it wasn't his fault or mine. I guess I stayed because we were friends for so long and even if he couldn't love me right then that is was okay because he didn't need a girlfriend, he just needed a friend. I decided to try and just be there for him, to just talk to him during our scheduled meet up time (it was scheduled because of his work schedule). He eventually stopped the meds, started talking through his feelings and writing a journal, changed jobs and works a lot less hours. He went back to the person I fell in love with. That was about a year ago.

Recently he suffered a loss, he had a panic attack and refused to go to the hospital... We live in Canada so it wasn't about the cost but more about his need to control what was happening to him without medication. I'll spare you the details but it was a hard night for the both of us. 

He's becoming depressed again, I can see it this time. I can see him fighting it. I just need people to talk to, who are going through or have gone through this. If he becomes depressed again I have no idea how long he'll be gone for.

My friends don't understand, why I stayed or why I would do it again but I'm commited to staying with him. I won't let him go through it alone. Marriage vows say "in sickeness and in health, for richer and poorer and for better or worse". If we're going to have a life together that commitment should be there everyday and not just after a fancy party... I just need to know that people who understand are out there and that I can talk to someone if I need it.