Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Hi everyone :)
I think this is the longest it has been since I have not come on here... over a week! I miss you guys and I'm losing my mind!
Things have actually been really good... we are moving to his hometown and he is finally excited. Things are good, he is happy. Super busy!!
Three nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night unable to breathe- I haven't caught my full breath since. My heart was racing my head hurt my lungs could not get air- we were scared!!! He calmed me and gave me a baby aspirin (for fear of a heart attack). I did not sleep any more just tried all the rest of the night to calm down- I went into work and cried ALL day. I came home and still my chest hurt so badly. We rushed to urgent care, they did an EKG... no problems. Throughout the day we talked about what was wrong- I am scared! I am stressed! I am so terrified I haven't stopped crying for three days!! I didn't think about this at all when we decided to move. I do not have a job out there- my financially security here FINALLY kicks butt... we were so poor for so long and now things are SO good!! I LOVE not stressing about money!! I am not a millionaire- I live in a tiny apt... but we can always get groceries and yeah, money is tight at the end of the month but no biggie. All the bills get paid and food is in the fridge.
He thinks I am being selfish and materialistic when I say this is why I am panicking... he thinks I am looking for excuses not to go because I don't want to leave my home. Honestly? He might be right that I don't want to leave... the financial security is huge though!! And I am SO scared to not live by my family.... there have been dad troubles and mom has been caught in the middle which really pushed him to want to move NOW but I love my family and I am TERRIFIED to not live near them!
I have tried to calm down but I still am crying. Urgent care actually prescribed me an anti-depressant (ironic) to calm me and all my anxiety. I am not taking it... I did pick it up just in case but I am trying some herbs and things. Also... they gave me a sleeping pill which I am also not taking. I have slept approximately 5 total hours over the last 72. That is unheard of for me. I am trying to calm him because now he is panicking too!!! He is so scared!!
If you remember my post about a month ago where bpdistough gave all the helpful information on suicide. That break down of his he told me he couldn't tell me what he was thinking- but I thought I knew. He confessed last night it was about suicide. He can't live here he tells me. He hates it here, he hates the large city it is, he hates the people and the drivers, there are so many things he hates about here. He hates our landlord! I am trying so hard to calm him but this is the thing... I don't know how to calm me!
He told me he doesn't think he can take me with him with this much panic that I am having. He told me that he doesn't think he can stay and have any sort of sanity. He have talked and cried non-stop. I took yesterday off work and went walking with my mom and talked with him the rest of the day and chatted with my good friend on the phone. Mom and friend both understand my fear. Mom and friend are both saying I should stay....I am the breadwinner. He hasn't worked in nearly 4 years and I have fully supported him here. There the financial weight will fall back on my shoulders again. But I will have to work so hard again to even attempt to get close to where I am now! I am SO scared and SO stressed!! I can't be the support not in my hometown. I need him to do it. I did that for him, I had him come here and do what he wanted.... I just wanted him to be here with me. So, he hasn't worked in all that time. I am so scared of my feelings and everything that has been going on- I feel that I can't possibly be strong enough to do it there- and I don't want to. I've used up all my energy here.
My skin is constantly feeling like it is on fire spreading around... it is so strange... I am going to look it up. I have NEVER had these types of reactions (panic attacks, non stop crying, inability to breathe) before and I don't know what to do!
Worst part- I was SO on board before the panic attack! He is heartbroken! He is SO SO SO sad!! I honestly feel I owe it to him to go to his hometown and be on board with him and stay with him there. But I can't rebuild what I did here... I don't have it in me. Last night he was so sad, he cried and cried and cried. I don't know what to do.
I think this is the longest it has been since I have not come on here... over a week! I miss you guys and I'm losing my mind!
Things have actually been really good... we are moving to his hometown and he is finally excited. Things are good, he is happy. Super busy!!
Three nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night unable to breathe- I haven't caught my full breath since. My heart was racing my head hurt my lungs could not get air- we were scared!!! He calmed me and gave me a baby aspirin (for fear of a heart attack). I did not sleep any more just tried all the rest of the night to calm down- I went into work and cried ALL day. I came home and still my chest hurt so badly. We rushed to urgent care, they did an EKG... no problems. Throughout the day we talked about what was wrong- I am scared! I am stressed! I am so terrified I haven't stopped crying for three days!! I didn't think about this at all when we decided to move. I do not have a job out there- my financially security here FINALLY kicks butt... we were so poor for so long and now things are SO good!! I LOVE not stressing about money!! I am not a millionaire- I live in a tiny apt... but we can always get groceries and yeah, money is tight at the end of the month but no biggie. All the bills get paid and food is in the fridge.
He thinks I am being selfish and materialistic when I say this is why I am panicking... he thinks I am looking for excuses not to go because I don't want to leave my home. Honestly? He might be right that I don't want to leave... the financial security is huge though!! And I am SO scared to not live by my family.... there have been dad troubles and mom has been caught in the middle which really pushed him to want to move NOW but I love my family and I am TERRIFIED to not live near them!
I have tried to calm down but I still am crying. Urgent care actually prescribed me an anti-depressant (ironic) to calm me and all my anxiety. I am not taking it... I did pick it up just in case but I am trying some herbs and things. Also... they gave me a sleeping pill which I am also not taking. I have slept approximately 5 total hours over the last 72. That is unheard of for me. I am trying to calm him because now he is panicking too!!! He is so scared!!
If you remember my post about a month ago where bpdistough gave all the helpful information on suicide. That break down of his he told me he couldn't tell me what he was thinking- but I thought I knew. He confessed last night it was about suicide. He can't live here he tells me. He hates it here, he hates the large city it is, he hates the people and the drivers, there are so many things he hates about here. He hates our landlord! I am trying so hard to calm him but this is the thing... I don't know how to calm me!
He told me he doesn't think he can take me with him with this much panic that I am having. He told me that he doesn't think he can stay and have any sort of sanity. He have talked and cried non-stop. I took yesterday off work and went walking with my mom and talked with him the rest of the day and chatted with my good friend on the phone. Mom and friend both understand my fear. Mom and friend are both saying I should stay....I am the breadwinner. He hasn't worked in nearly 4 years and I have fully supported him here. There the financial weight will fall back on my shoulders again. But I will have to work so hard again to even attempt to get close to where I am now! I am SO scared and SO stressed!! I can't be the support not in my hometown. I need him to do it. I did that for him, I had him come here and do what he wanted.... I just wanted him to be here with me. So, he hasn't worked in all that time. I am so scared of my feelings and everything that has been going on- I feel that I can't possibly be strong enough to do it there- and I don't want to. I've used up all my energy here.
My skin is constantly feeling like it is on fire spreading around... it is so strange... I am going to look it up. I have NEVER had these types of reactions (panic attacks, non stop crying, inability to breathe) before and I don't know what to do!
Worst part- I was SO on board before the panic attack! He is heartbroken! He is SO SO SO sad!! I honestly feel I owe it to him to go to his hometown and be on board with him and stay with him there. But I can't rebuild what I did here... I don't have it in me. Last night he was so sad, he cried and cried and cried. I don't know what to do.
I am out of town to see my fibromyalgia specialist and have limited access here. This is actually the first day I have checked in a week.
Biggest thing is slow down and breathe!
I believe you are having a constantly retriggered panic attack. As always, just my opinion.
Skin on fire - adrenaline rushing through your body. Feels like bugs on fire in your skin.
"Can't" breathe - panic attack main symptom. You actually usually are getting plenty of air, it just feels like someone is sitting on your chest.
Great breathing exercise:
Breathe in for slow 4 count, hold for 4 count, out for 4 count, hold for four count. Repeat 7 times. My understanding is that this is taught to the special forces units to use before combat situations (who knows if that is true, though).
A few other quick things:
1. Take your medicine :) You would want him to if he had some, but then don't for you...They gave it to you to help. No sleep = wild emotions with no defenses.
2. If you are going to "what if" think, it is only fair to do the positives, too. i.e. "What if I have to rebuild our lives on my own?" Try the positive on, as well, "what if he takes on much more of the burden and I actually have less stress myself?"
3. We release our stress when we feel "safe" to do so. You have been under incredible tension for a long time. You have been strong and buried your stress for him. He becomes happy, you melt down. Not much of a coincidence. It is natural. It is not something to be afraid of. You are letting go of some of the stress. Let it out. Don't be afraid to cry. Let go (suddenly I feel like Obi-Wan Kenobi - yes, I am a nerd, I admit it :)
4. Maybe place some of the burden back on him now and let him support you some. Let him know you are scared. That you love him and want to be with him, but need his support and encouragement right now. Ask him to be your "rock" right now. It is fair to ask it of him and it will give you a better sense of if/how much he can help when you move.
5. YOU are strong. Whatever happens, you have proven it already. Take some time and decide what is best for you. Maybe make a pros/cons list.
6. Finally, try writing down your worries. Sometimes just writing them out helps get them out of your brain.
If you decide to go with him, you will be OK. If you decide to stay without him, you will be OK. You really are a strong person and can handle this!!! And you have us if you need us!
Take care!
Chris
I have gotten sleep throughout the week finally. It took about one week exactly since my panic attack to truly feel free of it.
I will go if I get a job- I will stay if I don't. That is the only logical way to do it. I have asked him to share my burden. He says he cannot do what I did when he came here- he cannot work that hard or promise me he can do it all. I understand- but I needed to know that. We will be a team out there, he will work, he will help, he will be there to hold me and hug me when I cry. But I will need to work. It only makes sense to ensure that I am working before I am not at my current job. Bills come and they do not go until they are paid. I have worked very hard to take the financial burden off of us over the last four years and remove most debt. I cannot go back to how it was.
He knows my conclusion with it all- he is not happy with it but he does understand it. He keeps telling me it would have been so much easier if I had had my breakdown prior to turning in the 30 days notice and prior to confirming with everyone that YES we will be there. BUT... I didn't. I apologized for that and let it be. I know I am the one who is smart about these things and I know that I have to be the responsible one when it comes to these things.
I do feel better- I think even he does. I have slept. My co-workers and friends have been AMAZING! I feel peace with my decision. He is terrified to stay here - he wants to go so badly... he can. I won't make him stay with me, but I believe he will :) I also believe the right situation will come up. I am firm in my decision, I have weighed everything carefully , and I know that either way things will be very good. I do believe that if we are meant to grow stronger and remain as strong as possible together- that a job will come up out there and off we will go.
And if for some reason that is not suppose to happen, we will stay. As all this has come up, I have learned that I really truly have lost part of my connections and friendships because I am constantly going through this- the life of a depression supporter. I still have all my friendships, but they are less nurtured than they once were. They suffer a loss of me in them, which I believe is honestly natural when a relationship comes into play- but we nurture his relationships and my relationships through him much more because of our own comfort level with them. It could be AMAZING! His friends are great and I've made great friends through him. Maybe I am suppose to go through this next phase of my life and open up new friendships while still cherishing old ones. We shall see ;)
I feel good about my decision- I will be sad either way and excited either way. And I believe that through all my thinking and weighing and everything else- the right thing will come on board.
One more thing-
this is the happiest I have EVER been at work! I am SO excited to begin this next step we are taking and I love my coworkers!!! It is wonderful there!!! I am SO sad to leave!!
I am also SO happy with him!! I am honestly excited to begin this next step in our life and move to his hometown. I believe we will have so much fun together and things will be great! There is a true excitement about being a new a place and being in a place he is more comfortable and willing to go outside and do things and have people his is comfortable with.
So- I am letting the stars decide between these two strong loves of my life! My career has hit an all time high and my love with him has also. Whichever one it is suppose to be- we shall see. And he might stay with me anyways... but our adventure will just be on hold :)