Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
So... He's been in a long bought of depression. It's gone on for quite sometime now. And it's been a bad round. He's been upset and angry. You know...
Well, one of the things I have learned so well from all my wonderful friends here is to take care of me first. Sounds easy- but we all know it isn't. We want to make life easier for our loved ones even if it means sacrificing our own happiness some. Even before the depression hit hard- I knew I would have to take care of myself and work hard to do it. I knew that this was coming. Even before his depression hit do hard- the chain of events that led to this road told us that he would be depressed for awhile and it would be bad. He told me "you're going to have to give me time to be depressed".
It isn't a shock- its just hard on us. I've been working on myself- making sure I'm stable. I have done this in the past- gotten off the rollercoaster and not really even watched. Weird analogy here but go with me: you all know the rollercoaster of ups and downs they ride. Ad so often we ride it too. But even when I step off and maybe many of you too... I stand there and watch him on the rollercoaster. I watch his pain, I watch his drastic drops and his crazy ways. This just makes me sick in a whole different way- I can't fully control my own emotions when I'm simply standing there watching his. But there have been times and this is all through the strength and support you guys have given me- but there have been times I walk away or turn around. I stay in the vicinity, I stay very close, but my focus is not on him riding the rollercoaster. My focus is myself and the things I like. That is where I finally got myself over the past couple weeks. I've been making sure I am okay and making sure I am strong. I need to be his rock, and he needs me to be his rock. So I have to ensure I am strong enough to do that and be that for him.
It's been awhile like I said and I keep being strongish... :). I have started to wonder if I am being to cold and callous. I have started to wonder if I just need to feel his rollercoaster and be with him. We've had terrible awful sad conversations and goings on... I've tried to remain strong and matter of fact and supportive. And honestly I've done it and it's getting easier and easier. But I started to wonder if I'm doing this wrong- we had a very sad conversation the other night and I stayed strong and we talked with no crying at all- I remained his rock.
Last night... We had a happy night! I feel like because he didnt have to worry about me losing it or end up dealing with me and himself... He was almost saying thank you by being happy and enjoying the evening with me :). I know we still have a long road to travel- will probably last our whole life. But this was just what I needed to know what I'm doing is right. Stay strong for me, for him, and for us.
Nearly a year ago I posted something and I believe it was Finnmom who said that- asking our depressed ones to comfort us when we are down and be there for us when we are down is like asking someone with two broken legs to help me get around with my one broken leg. It just won't work. Not the best option. This group, the few select trusted ones we have, an ourselves need to help us with that. Not the person who is more debilitated than we are in that area. Just things to remember which can be so hard to remember. :)
Well, one of the things I have learned so well from all my wonderful friends here is to take care of me first. Sounds easy- but we all know it isn't. We want to make life easier for our loved ones even if it means sacrificing our own happiness some. Even before the depression hit hard- I knew I would have to take care of myself and work hard to do it. I knew that this was coming. Even before his depression hit do hard- the chain of events that led to this road told us that he would be depressed for awhile and it would be bad. He told me "you're going to have to give me time to be depressed".
It isn't a shock- its just hard on us. I've been working on myself- making sure I'm stable. I have done this in the past- gotten off the rollercoaster and not really even watched. Weird analogy here but go with me: you all know the rollercoaster of ups and downs they ride. Ad so often we ride it too. But even when I step off and maybe many of you too... I stand there and watch him on the rollercoaster. I watch his pain, I watch his drastic drops and his crazy ways. This just makes me sick in a whole different way- I can't fully control my own emotions when I'm simply standing there watching his. But there have been times and this is all through the strength and support you guys have given me- but there have been times I walk away or turn around. I stay in the vicinity, I stay very close, but my focus is not on him riding the rollercoaster. My focus is myself and the things I like. That is where I finally got myself over the past couple weeks. I've been making sure I am okay and making sure I am strong. I need to be his rock, and he needs me to be his rock. So I have to ensure I am strong enough to do that and be that for him.
It's been awhile like I said and I keep being strongish... :). I have started to wonder if I am being to cold and callous. I have started to wonder if I just need to feel his rollercoaster and be with him. We've had terrible awful sad conversations and goings on... I've tried to remain strong and matter of fact and supportive. And honestly I've done it and it's getting easier and easier. But I started to wonder if I'm doing this wrong- we had a very sad conversation the other night and I stayed strong and we talked with no crying at all- I remained his rock.
Last night... We had a happy night! I feel like because he didnt have to worry about me losing it or end up dealing with me and himself... He was almost saying thank you by being happy and enjoying the evening with me :). I know we still have a long road to travel- will probably last our whole life. But this was just what I needed to know what I'm doing is right. Stay strong for me, for him, and for us.
Nearly a year ago I posted something and I believe it was Finnmom who said that- asking our depressed ones to comfort us when we are down and be there for us when we are down is like asking someone with two broken legs to help me get around with my one broken leg. It just won't work. Not the best option. This group, the few select trusted ones we have, an ourselves need to help us with that. Not the person who is more debilitated than we are in that area. Just things to remember which can be so hard to remember. :)
I am so glad to hear you had a happy night, it's those moments that we live for and still remain by our loved one's side.
And things have been "normal" now for about 4 days. No super depression.. Just normal down moments but happy ones too :)
Tonight I feel a down turn on its way back. I'm trying to remain light and joyful and not be affected. But these times it's hardest for me to stay strong. I want to give him anything I can to stop him from going back down. But I can't and I won't. I give him my heart and my stabilization. No hurting me to buy his temporary happiness. I will stay strong and I will help him try to stay positive thinking.