Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
We're having an evening that is tough. My husband went "down" shortly after arriving home from work. He isn't being passive aggressive, hes just irritable and down. As we put the kids to bed, he tried to stay with us, but mostly spent the time lying on the carpet outside the bedrooms. I tried to talk to him to find out what was running through his head (upset with himself, worried about something, finding something with me to be upset about???) but could not get to it. It is hard to see him trapped in there. I am sad for him, and sad for me.
It is on these nights that I feel like a single mom. I sometimes feel that I am holding the fort together all alone. Even though he was down, he was trying to help out. But it is still hard to feel like you are the only line of defence. I cant get tired or impatient, because there is no one else to step in and finish putting the kids to bed, or kiss their boo boos, or pick them up when they need a hug.
So I guess this is where perspective comes in. It is still OK for me to be sad, and to miss my husband. It is OK for me to be lonely, bewildered, and maybe even a little angry that we are going through this. But I am not alone. Everyone on this site had a story like mine, and some stories much worse, and just as I am trying to gather myself together and stay strong, so is each of you. We can do this. One night at a time.
It is on these nights that I feel like a single mom. I sometimes feel that I am holding the fort together all alone. Even though he was down, he was trying to help out. But it is still hard to feel like you are the only line of defence. I cant get tired or impatient, because there is no one else to step in and finish putting the kids to bed, or kiss their boo boos, or pick them up when they need a hug.
So I guess this is where perspective comes in. It is still OK for me to be sad, and to miss my husband. It is OK for me to be lonely, bewildered, and maybe even a little angry that we are going through this. But I am not alone. Everyone on this site had a story like mine, and some stories much worse, and just as I am trying to gather myself together and stay strong, so is each of you. We can do this. One night at a time.
It sounds like you have great insight into your own feelings though and you're absolutely right, it is OKAY to feel sad, lonely, and a little angry with the situation. it's normal, and healthy for you to recognize your feelings and figure out how to handle them. I think our mantra on this site is that if you don't take care of your own self and deal with your own emotions, it's impossible to be there for someone else. So you sound like your on the right track. I know you mentioned waiting on the healthcare system for him, but maybe consider some counseling for yourself as well. It was a lifesaver for me and I journal as well on the difficult nights.
Im glad you found this group. Hang in there. :)
Great job on making the counseling appointment!!! And it sounds like you are wonderfully strong and such a great person to be in the lives of your children and husband... he see's that and is grateful, even when he can't vocalize it...he's grateful :)
Hugs and best wishes to you! Keep us posted! :)
OK. Hugs to all, I'm going back into the family.
It's a tough life we live as depression supporters. I hope you're soaking up the love :)