I'm so sorry your dad did that and its causing problems for you guys. I think one of the hardest things with depression is most of us feel we have to keep it hush hush and not tell family and friends, so they end up making judgements about our situation without knowing the whole story and what were going through?
Have you considered expressing your feelings to your dad to let him know while you appreciate his concern for you, that you feel he crossed a line by inserting his opinion and hurting your partners feelings when he didn't know all the details?

That is what I will have to do. He definitely crossed the line!
The thing is my dad knows he has depression and anxiety and he brought all that up with him yesterday telling him "its mental." He simply has to tell himself he isn't sad and he won't be.
Yes... if it were that simple huh dad?

My guy is not fully honest with his family because he doesn't want to deal with this type of stuff. I tell people the way it is... I feel apparently I was wrong in doing this. My dad obviously can't have all the details because he uses them to attack.
Its so weird because he hasn't come over in nearly a year! He doesn't participate in any functions of family or anything.
Both of my parents are self-proclaimed loners. They both readily admit their dislike of people and how they love having nothing to do with people. They are not on speaking terms with their sibilings, their neices, nephews, anyone except my sister and I.

And now apparently my guy. I am terrified my dad will show up again today! So now what do we do?
We decided to make the most financially sound decision we can and a good possibility of that is to stay here at my job.
But now we feel we must leave for certain. The biggest problem with staying here has always been my family... their ways of doing NOTHING with me or my sister infuriate me and I feel getting away from them would be better. It is so strange to my guy too... he feels so awkward around them just knowing they have nothing to do with us. They don't call me back, they don't attempt to get together. A few weeks ago I called and my dad said "I'm sorry I'm eating a salad I can't talk right now." And he was serious! This is just my parents... and he comes from such a warm loving family! We leave on our trip tomorrow with them and I hope we are still able to have a wonderful time!
I love him so much and he has been working so hard at getting better... I just hate to see someone squash him! And coming from my side on top of it makes it SO much worse!

I will definitely deal with my dad right away though! I am just so angry!

You definetly need to let your dad know he crossed the line, but be careful not to do it in anger and argue. This is always my mistake with my dad. ALWAYS... we both jump too soon and then we argue.

Don't leave because of this either. Your job sounds good, secure. Maybe if you speak with your father, he won't butt in and it will be better. Give it some time before you decide to leave your job.

Leave it here, don't take it on vacation. Have a nice time.

You are right.

Butt out dad (in a calm voice).

And go on vacation and LOVE every minute!

The ladies I work with believe my father is jealous that I get along with his family SO well and am going on this vacation with them and he doesn't have this relationship with me. They believe that he wanted to "ruin" my vacation and make it not as AMAZING as it should be.

hmmmm.... thank you so much

Well try not to let it ruin your vacation, and I agree with newlywed, I wouldn't give him th benefit of chasing you away especially if you have a good stable job. Just wait until you're calm and confront your dad about it, and explain to your boyfriend that only your opinion matters of him. :)
Good luck, and have a good vacation!

Thank you both :)
It's affecting my whole family now.
My mom didn't know so I had to tell her about it last night... She said "I thought he wanted to get closer to him... You know take him to lunch."
Yeah... That happened haha

My sister texted (my new ride to the airport) and said my dad was very heartbroken that I am no longer having him take me to the airport. She said he's scared he's going to lose me... Well be nice!!!
Last summer I went to my dad to ask him one thing, one favor.... Please be nice to him. That never happened- he's completely impartial towards him, he ignores him. He leaves the room when we go over, he doesn't talk at all.... That's not nice. If you want to be on my side do this one little favor I ask of you.
Now I have clean up work to do... I'll worry about it after the trip though :)
I just want him and I to be good :)

Yesterday (I might have said this already but it was great!) I said to him "we'll be fine don't worry" and he said "I know we're fine I just need to get away from your dad"
Granted I wish the second part were not the case bit the fact he knows we are stable enough to be fine without question is awesome!!! I just smiled and kissed him :)

Well, let your dad stew over it while you are away. Then when you come back tell him just that. Tell him you don't want to shut him out, he doesn't have to be best pals with your guy, but he does need to be civil, interactive with you when you are at their home and nice. He doesn't need to be mean and judgmental, especially when he doesn't take the time to even know the guy. I can't get over how much he sounds like my father.

And it is awesome that he feels that secure with your relationship. It is the small things that are the greatest and feel the biggest. Go and have fun Brownie.

Thank you :)
It is those small things! They make the world such a nice place to be :)

And I will have fun! I just have to keep pulling him into a happy place :)

I'm sorry that your dad did this. I like to think I try to see both sides of the coin so I'm gonna play a little devil's advocate so maybe don't read this until you get back from your vacation....But perhaps your dad's heart was in the right place and his lack of socialzing and social skills causes him to be too forward and direct with his opinion. Even though it may not seem like it I'm sure he cares about you. And as we all know people looking in from the outside don't understand why we "put up with being treated that way" by our depressed loved ones. Maybe your dad was thinking I hate seeing my daughter hurt & being so stressed out all the time and he thought he would have a 'man to man' conversation to help fix things for her. But like all who don't really know the insider scoop, he said ignorant, hurtful things that did anything but help. Of course it will make you mad and hurt your guy, but that's because you understand and your dad doesn't. Think about all the advice, articles, blogs, stories and books you have read about depression (not to mention your first hand daily observations). Now imagine how you felt about depression before you knew any of that and then add in someone you care about seems to be being hurt by it. Sometimes people, parents especially, can't sit by anymore when they see someone they care about hurting. Talk to your dad and find out why he did this. Tell him why it is not ok and why it upset both you and your guy. Teach him what kind of boundaries to follow when it comes to this kind of stuff. Unfortunately, ignornace is bliss only to the ignornat. I know I have had to have this conversation with my mom, his mom and some other friends and relatives. It made me so mad when they did things that triggered my husband's depression or PTSD. I would start cursing them and wondering why they would do this and don't they understand what they are doing? Then I realized, they don't. Really, how could they? They don't see the day to day ups and downs because they don't live in your shoes. We and our other half hide the bulk of the problem from the world. So is it fair to expect the outside world to know how things are when there is really no way they can know? The idea of 'tell yourself your not sad and you won't be' or 'just get over it' or 'let it go' are all things said by people because that is their experience and how they process things. This approach rarely does anything for a person with a condition, just like telling an alcholic or drug addict well just tell yourself your not addicted and you won't be. If nothing else people love to give advice and tell people 'this is what I do so you should do it too' or 'this is what I think so you should too'. Sorry, I went on so long. But I wanted you to know I sympathize and have been in your shoes, but before you stress yourself out too much (as I did) or cut off contact with your dad, try to see from his point of view what he may have been thinking with his approach. You may be suprised at how much he thought he was showing he cared.

That is a really good point helpingwife. When you look at it that way. You are right, I always say to the people I talk to about my husband's depression, I never realize how truly debiltating it is. So, you are right... how could the people not in the situation really know unless we help them understand.

Oh helpingwife I know you are right. Thank you :) And never apologize for going too long... the more the better! :)
Well... I did talk to my dad on the Friday before I left on vacation. I gave him a call and he actually started off by saying " I hope I didn't upset him, mom said I did." And I told him that it the effects of what he did were very bad. He said exactly what you said, that he wanted a "man to man" talk. Well... I explained to him that you can't just show up at a person's home who you have nothing to do with and talk to them about their personal life. My dad strongly disagreed. So I tried to tell him that he needs to build a relationship with him in order to carry on conversations which a more personal. My dad simply said he doesn't want a relationship with him at all and that is just the way it is. To which I told him that is why I just ignore their lack of relationship. My guy has worked so hard to try to get on the good side of my dad... he talks to him and tries to socialize and invite him places. My dad won't have any of it. So I told my guy to just let it go and thats just the way my dad is going to be so he doesn't get to be apart of my everyday life. And my dad was very clear that he loves me and was watching out for me... but he was just way off base.
He got upset when I told him that he ignores any attempts that my sister or I make to be a family and hung up on me. I think he might have started crying... I drove over to my parents house and jumped out of the car, gave my dad a hug and said "I love you but you're crazy and I have to catch a flight."
I haven't talked to him since but I figured at least I made peace before my trip.
I am just worrying about us now. What will we do? Are we moving? Are we staying? Where should we move? What cities are good places to be? etc... and hopefully keeping a happy household in the process :)