Depression Supporters Support Group

This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.

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unbreakmyheartbaby1 12/12/2017

Hi All. I am new. Ive ready a few post and feel sure this group is great. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I could tell from the beginning that he battled with depression but it did not come off as depression at first, just a down day here or there where he would be very hard on himself and disappointed in himself always talking of how he had failed in so many areas of his life and not being where he wanted to be. He also had some financial struggles etc that added pressure but over all he was/is a great guy! His love for me had been so incredibly amazing and so pure and real - its a long distance realtionship but even with that were only 2 hours apart and i still felt incredibly loved. Into the first year, I started to notice that the very low days were coming more consistenly, it would be at least 1 week out of each month where this would happen and then he would be "ok" again. I somewhat adjusted to that because i knew it was coming. Well, in the last couple of months it went from 5 to 10, 10 being the worst. BUT IT WAS SO SUDDEN and such a drastic change in the person i have known him to be that it almost feels like he has found someone else. I have asked him 1,000 times is that the case and he says no, and tht it is not about me at all. He still says he loves me if I ask and he is not really mean just very fragile and irritable, i feel like i am walking on eggshells all the time to not trigger anything negative. It hurts so much because he is not who I fell for now and i dont want to lose that guy for this one. I am a very confident person and not desperate by any means. Ive gone through a marriage where I was cheated on with many women and I survived that and came out stronger and I now encourage others to do the same. It just hurts to feel so out of control of something. If just came out of no where and is smothering him. He listens when I suggest counseling but he does not make any moves to make that happen which is frustrating again because if you see that its hurting us, why wouldnt you want to fix it. I dont want to leave him in this. I still love him dearly but its a lonley place to be in. Im going to stay and fight as long as I can. I do have a couple of cool people I trust who understand and support ME but I am not going to carry his load or pull myself into depression trying to get him out of it. I pray and read alot on it to try to make it work and i really hope it does.....

ChooseLife 12/12/2017

Hi, snap, I just joined this group today and have been reading the posts, and feel really sad as these stories are real life, i’m Finding a little comfort that i’m Not the only one going through this... i’ve been married 6 years, my husband has a high powered job so I knew that would cause some stress, and he had a different upbringing to me which would of given him some of his anger. But to start with it was only dark when he drank, he was mean and then self loathing. Over the last couple of years this turned into the one week a month where he says he wants to give up, hates everything and everyone, wants to run away... I kind of knew it would pass, and he’d be back to his fab him. But this year it has been months, in the summer he admitted he had depression, he’s pulling himself down further, drinking, smoking, strip clubs, being very ignorant, mean, cutting himself of from things unless it contains excessive drinking... he’s an intelligent hardworking man so it’s totally mind boggling to me why he can’t see to ask for help... (trillions of people would love to ya echos life) i’m Struggling now as I probably spend an hour a day crying cause I feel so helpless to help him, wanting back that amazing person he once was, he rolls his eyes if I say anything positive! In fact he now hasn’t spoke to me for two days (he’s away at the mo)
But before he left he was so very low, hating on all life... i’ve Text him a kiss a day and said i’m Here to talk if he needs too... what more can I do... gosh depression has consumed him and made him so selfish, so I too am like, how much of this can I take... I love you but i’m Hurt, confused and lonely...
i’m Glad you have some friends, my best mate lives quite near so I have some support and i’ve Started to work on me (weight loss and exercise) this seems to be helping a bit as I now feel more inner confidence in myself, something different to focus on.
Stay strong and look out for you xx

unbreakmyheartbaby1 12/12/2017

@chooselife- It is awesome to see so many post here that confirm that none of us are alone. That in itself makes it a little better. I try to say and send positive messages through out the day as well and it seems like its so useless although some part of me believes that somehow seeing or reading it sparks some sense of joy. I read that sending them pics of happier times could spark some sense of happiness as well so I randomly do that occasionally without seeming overbearing. This is so hard. I am sorry that you are facing this as well. I hope that your husband gets better. Kudos on focusing on you and getting in shape! I am focusing on some aspirations of mine as well and that occupies my mind most of the time if I am not at work. The emotions of all of this just sneak up out of no where and wash over your whole soul, then come the tears... so I am glad to have some support here as well as friends. Thanks for responding and sharing. :)

ChooseLife 12/14/2017

Big hug x

Travellingprincess 12/14/2017

I feel like I found this post at the right time.
My life turned to a nightmare 4 months ago.
My husband of 11 months and partner of 4 suddenly had a breakdown. Had to get him involuntarily admitted. Was traumatizing for all. But the disheartening thing for me is that he lied about his mental health past as he felt it was under control and that he didn't need to tell. So many trigger and so much could have been prevented
Now it is a very slow seesaw of recovery today was a massive setback.
Feeling drained, unhappy and tricked

Any support or advice is appreciated .

unbreakmyheartbaby1 12/15/2017

Thanks so much guys !!!

rinshelle2017 12/17/2017

@unbreakmyheartbaby1, I feel like I could have written this post myself. I am also divorced from an emotionally and verbally abusive spouse, and I've also been with my wonderful boyfriend for 2 years now. My bf's depression also came on suddenly when his brother had a heart attack (after he and his brother got into an argument on the phone, and he believed he caused it and couldn't forgive himself). Things have only spiralled down from there, and that was two months into being with him. He's had a string of deaths in his family, and just when he starts to get better, someone else dies or is diagnosed with a terminal illness. I'm with you on the frustration. I've tried so hard to be patient, but it's taking a huge toll on our relationship and on my finances. I wasn't prepared to be the only earner, especially after my divorce. But he's so kind, caring, loving and amazing when he's not depressed -- but when he is depressed, he just checks out of life. I have moments where I want to end it just because I don't think I can live like this, but I know he's an amazing person who is just going through such a hard time and I don't want to do that to him. I have no good advice, but feel for you and am in the same boat.

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