Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Hi everyone :)
It has been too long since I have come here and said hi and checked in with everyone. About 3 weeks- but it feels MUCH longer!
Man things are tough with depressed loved ones huh? I am going to go through and read everything from everyone :) But I just wanted to update and breathe and vent and cry and smile and share all my emotions with you here in a brief summary of my past three weeks.
We went on a vacation. He wanted the vacation, he didn't want to plan it, I planned it for us. I love doing it no problem. I was so excited! He was excited- you know in his depressed way ;)
Then... it was time to look at going and packing and he didn't want to go. He didn't want to leave the home that he constantly wishes we didn't live in. He misses his friends and family back in his home and wants to be there- a daily conversation.
We are meeting some of his friends there but he still doesn't want to go. We get there and he is happy, but still more excited to go home. Until his friends get there. It is too many people he needs his personal space he doesn't want his friends there. They leave a day early and he is sad. He misses them. He misses his friends and wishes they could stay longer. We go home, the day he is waiting for and he is angry to go home. He wants to not go home and he wants to stay there and be with his friends.
UGH. Exhausting!
In the meantime before and after all this he is still going to counseling. It has taken over 5 years of our being together for him to finally decide to agree to go to counseling consistently. He likes his therapist a lot so that is good. He spends all his time in there telling her how much he hates it here and how much he hates my family. It is still new for him- I think he is just completing month 2 of going to her so hopefully they will get down to real issues (I am not minimizing those issues but the depression was there long before either of those). I go with him to his next appointment next week so we shall see how that goes- I am not completely sure of why I am going but she requested me.
About a month ago he was GREAT! Loving, smiling, happy, gracious.... oh man it was a high point for me :) After about 4 days of that he dropped like a rock. He said that after counseling that week he realized it is too hard for him to pretend to be happy like that and it wears him out so he was too tired to do anything.
My main trouble lately?
The same reason I fell apart and ended up finding this place :) Money... I have been catering to his every financial whim lately. I am just (for lack of a better phrase) " shutting him up through money." By buying him that movie or that game it makes my moment easier. Problem? I have NOT spent ANY money on me! I work SO hard to support us both and ALL my money goes to him! Especially with the counseling going on now- I am broke and I shouldn't be. I want to fix it... but I don't know how to without angering him. What do I do?
It has been too long since I have come here and said hi and checked in with everyone. About 3 weeks- but it feels MUCH longer!
Man things are tough with depressed loved ones huh? I am going to go through and read everything from everyone :) But I just wanted to update and breathe and vent and cry and smile and share all my emotions with you here in a brief summary of my past three weeks.
We went on a vacation. He wanted the vacation, he didn't want to plan it, I planned it for us. I love doing it no problem. I was so excited! He was excited- you know in his depressed way ;)
Then... it was time to look at going and packing and he didn't want to go. He didn't want to leave the home that he constantly wishes we didn't live in. He misses his friends and family back in his home and wants to be there- a daily conversation.
We are meeting some of his friends there but he still doesn't want to go. We get there and he is happy, but still more excited to go home. Until his friends get there. It is too many people he needs his personal space he doesn't want his friends there. They leave a day early and he is sad. He misses them. He misses his friends and wishes they could stay longer. We go home, the day he is waiting for and he is angry to go home. He wants to not go home and he wants to stay there and be with his friends.
UGH. Exhausting!
In the meantime before and after all this he is still going to counseling. It has taken over 5 years of our being together for him to finally decide to agree to go to counseling consistently. He likes his therapist a lot so that is good. He spends all his time in there telling her how much he hates it here and how much he hates my family. It is still new for him- I think he is just completing month 2 of going to her so hopefully they will get down to real issues (I am not minimizing those issues but the depression was there long before either of those). I go with him to his next appointment next week so we shall see how that goes- I am not completely sure of why I am going but she requested me.
About a month ago he was GREAT! Loving, smiling, happy, gracious.... oh man it was a high point for me :) After about 4 days of that he dropped like a rock. He said that after counseling that week he realized it is too hard for him to pretend to be happy like that and it wears him out so he was too tired to do anything.
My main trouble lately?
The same reason I fell apart and ended up finding this place :) Money... I have been catering to his every financial whim lately. I am just (for lack of a better phrase) " shutting him up through money." By buying him that movie or that game it makes my moment easier. Problem? I have NOT spent ANY money on me! I work SO hard to support us both and ALL my money goes to him! Especially with the counseling going on now- I am broke and I shouldn't be. I want to fix it... but I don't know how to without angering him. What do I do?
I'll set aside a little for this for me but at times he acts so like a child and that everything will be better I he gets A,B, and C so a lot of times I end up saying "well I know I'll survive without mine so I guess I'll just get his"
It's a terrible habit on my end. I really need to not do that. I know this I just fall back into old habits and do it again. I have been taking care of me mentally I have to continue to do so in all other ways too. Thanks thralkr. :)