Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I also would like some advice on my end and wasn't quite sure how to articulate it.
I've been pushed away from my husband for the past few months by his ongoing complaints about my lack of efforts for house duties. We have even fought over this enough for me to start questioning my happiness. I've never been a wifey kind of gal and my efforts, though not massive to the eye necessarily, are genuine and effort full and I feel go un-noticed when he complains. Only making it harder for me to want to clean (like he expects me to). It hit home really hard!
We didn't live together prior to marriage and have been married and living together since early Feb this year.
I had no idea he was such a perfectionist and would have such high expectations for me to change. I can't really take the pressure, so much so I had to quite my high pressure job because it was all too much and I feared falling into depression with both stressing me out to the max.
Pristique (antidepressant) is working wonders for me but because of that 'feeling pushed away' and not feeling 'so in love' as you describe I am terribly confused.
Maybe part of my depression is making a bigger deal out of this than it is? or maybe he is not treating me well as my sister and mum seem to suggest when I speak to them about thigns.
I come home and he is straight into complaining about house work most days and I have felt quite bullied and strained.
Is this normal? It's really hard to know what is when you are married to someone with depression, or in my case I am the one who is a sufferer of it. And also, I haven't been married long!
Isn't it supposed to be a bit more happy? where did the honeymoon stage go for me, I didn't seem to get one!
Thankyou for listening, I hope you can share some light for me as well.
I feel like I am no longer accepted and this is a real battle for me.
I know that part of fighting is normal in marriage but I don't know - how much to accept.. and not to accept.
Do you understand?
Does anyone hear me?
-Spirit. "
I've been pushed away from my husband for the past few months by his ongoing complaints about my lack of efforts for house duties. We have even fought over this enough for me to start questioning my happiness. I've never been a wifey kind of gal and my efforts, though not massive to the eye necessarily, are genuine and effort full and I feel go un-noticed when he complains. Only making it harder for me to want to clean (like he expects me to). It hit home really hard!
We didn't live together prior to marriage and have been married and living together since early Feb this year.
I had no idea he was such a perfectionist and would have such high expectations for me to change. I can't really take the pressure, so much so I had to quite my high pressure job because it was all too much and I feared falling into depression with both stressing me out to the max.
Pristique (antidepressant) is working wonders for me but because of that 'feeling pushed away' and not feeling 'so in love' as you describe I am terribly confused.
Maybe part of my depression is making a bigger deal out of this than it is? or maybe he is not treating me well as my sister and mum seem to suggest when I speak to them about thigns.
I come home and he is straight into complaining about house work most days and I have felt quite bullied and strained.
Is this normal? It's really hard to know what is when you are married to someone with depression, or in my case I am the one who is a sufferer of it. And also, I haven't been married long!
Isn't it supposed to be a bit more happy? where did the honeymoon stage go for me, I didn't seem to get one!
Thankyou for listening, I hope you can share some light for me as well.
I feel like I am no longer accepted and this is a real battle for me.
I know that part of fighting is normal in marriage but I don't know - how much to accept.. and not to accept.
Do you understand?
Does anyone hear me?
-Spirit. "
and thanks for listening as well.
I am starting to realise that I might just have to leave my husband for someone who is more understanding and accepts me for who I am.
It has just come down as a real hard shock - he must have been pending this all up inside and waiting too late and long for it to explode!?!
If we weren't married this would certainly be cause for a break up. He refuses to get marriage counselling :( So I'll see how I go from here...
It is also normal to go through adjustment periods in any relationship...esp right after you get married. You don't know everything about each other while dating or married...you keep learning your whole life...so keep that in mind. The OH MY GOSH what did i get into phase is normal...very normal. Look up stages of relationships/marriages. Knowledge is education and powerful.
I'd say if counseling won't work for your husband (refuses to go) try it just for you. Too many marriages end to easily these days for any reasons.
And communicate how you perceive your situation regarding the cleaning. Educate yourself and your husband on depression and how it affects you and your relationship with him. Maybe..maybe..he'll see some of himself in this cycle you both have.
You are newlyweds...keep dating your spouse is the advice I hear.
I have been married and am now divorced. I did all I could..I think. Turned over every stone. I did counseling for me. I got my life unstuck. I took meds. I found happiness in myself. My ex h had many issues including I feel very real depression after coming from Iraq which added to his addiction issue to computer related stuff which cost us thousands. I was done as I had tried for 10 years.
I didn't want our boys to think that is how a man should treat a woman. My love life now is special and different. The man I thought I'd marry at a young age is back in my life. We are the best of friends and love each other alot. He too suffers depression, but he makes big strides and is more self-aware and always treats me with love and respect. He's human..like all people...but he knows how to be kind and loving. And he's my bear. So case closed.
Have a good day. Check out how to take care of you. And see what happens and give it plenty of time.