Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I am new to this forum, but not new to depression. I have been married for 11 years and my husband has struggled with varying levels of depression for pretty much the entire time. He has gone on and off meds several times and we have tried all sorts of alternative therapies. He managed to conceal his life-long battle with depression from me while we were dating and I have also learned that depression runs in his family...both of his sisters and most of his cousins are on meds.
We have 3 kids, and it is for their sake that I stay with my husband. As they are getting older, it is getting harder for me to cover up or rationalize his bad/rude/inappropriate behavior to them. I'm starting to think that maybe it would be better and more stable for my kids if I left my husband. I don't want them growing up thinking that his behavior is normal or that it is ok for a man to act the way he does.
What I don't understand is why so many people in this support group are not married, but only dating their depressed partner. If your partner is causing you so much duress that you are seeking out a support group, why in the world are you staying with them?? I understand if you are married, but if you are only dating, you still have a chance to get "out" and make a good life for yourself with someone else, someone healthy. Depression does not go away...it is like a roller coaster and you will be forced to ride up and down with your partner as long as you are with them.
Furthermore marriage is a decision you make everyday. My parents are both divorced and re-married, their original marriage together just didn't work and that happens sometimes. I love all my parents and they're both really happy in their lives now. The thing about marriage is it's only good if you want to be there because it's both a relationship and a commitment. Just because i'm "dating" doesn't make my relationship less legitimate and just because you're married doesn't mean you can't still leave. Relationships and marriages are as unique as the people in them.
This forum should be for support for all people, If someone is a friend, family or in an intimate relationship and is staying, leaving or debating their relationship - this should be a place where all are met with empowerment and support of a group.
But that doesn't mean it's not tough. I'm actually on this forum now because we just had a very difficult phone call. He has sunken deep into his depression today and cannot seem to resurface from it. So I'm here, seeking advice and also reading what other people are going thru to reassure myself that I'm not alone and that other people have tough days, too. That's the glory of shared experiences - we can aide others who are going through something that we've already successfully come out on the other side of.
If you are open to it, my advice to you would be to tell your husband 'I'm here for you' to see if that helps. Stay positive, even thought it's tough, and above all, try to be an unwavering support for him, so he knows that he's not alone in this world and that the person who is closest to him cares for him and believes that he can feel better. Depending on your children's age, I'm not sure I would try to hide it from them. I grew up with a Bipolar father and I believe that things would be different had I known what he was struggling with in my youth. Especially since depression usually does run in families, it's important for me to understand as his daughter that this may be something that I have to deal with someday. Better to be proactive than reactive.
Either way, married or not, we are all people just trying to get through this life. I'm grateful for every person who posts on this forum because their words help me, and I can use that positive energy to help my loved one - because he needs it the most. I hope this forum brings you solace and helps with the decisions in your life. We're all here for you.
Anyway, just wanted to say that there are other folks that feel that way too sometimes.
Good to know I am not alone.