Depression Supporters Support Group

This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.

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brownielove 02/12/2013

Seriously.... I know I am just having a more difficult time than normal in dealing... But so is he. He said tonight he feels broken, he doesn't think he can be fixed and his life is done.
He's not suicidal.... But he's given up. If we split what would he do? He'd have to get back to life.... Am I the problem,? Am I breaking him? I love him I ask him to help I want us to make decisions together but he wants nothing to do with any of them.
What do I do?

Newlywed616 02/13/2013

I don't think you are the problem. I don't think I am the problem. I just think that depression is horrible and it makes our men do and say things we cannot comprehend. I think, you and I are much alike with the difficulty in dealing. I guess it is why we are here.
Mine says much of the same.
You have to find in your heart what you need and want to do. But, know that you are not the cause of his sickness. It is truly hard to remember, but really you didn't give him depression. Hang in. Here if you need me.

deleted_user 02/13/2013

You have to be honest with yourself! When you know that you have done everything to help him, and you feel the turmoil is taking it's toll on your life, then you have to make a decision as to what to do that will help you. You can assist another individual, and support them, but if they do not want to take any responsability for getting help, then it is sometimes necessary to take corrective steps so that both of you do not sink! Thanks, john

brownielove 02/16/2013

Thank you to both of you! It is so nice to hear I am not alone.
And I know you're right... I know it's not me. It's just so tough sometimes.
As far as making those decisions.. I know youre right. We just aren't going to make decisions as a team... He's simply not capable. And I am... I just don't enjoy having the load onny shoulders for our future. I think I almost fearful of making a decision that still upsets honor even worse upsets him more... Then what?! I fear I would be resentful that he didn't help me make it better and that He would be resentful of my decision.
We actually have been on the same page for our future home over the past few weeks so maybe this is a great sign! I just need to ensure I get a job and we can get there.
But it is a very tough realization to know it lies on my shoulders. I have to make peace with this

smdruid 02/17/2013

I think that when we have had enough we'll know...sometimes I feel he, who never had tlc, is caught in now realizing this issue and for the first time in his 68 years is getting nurtured and can't stop his neediness....while I am done raising three kids, alone, and helping to raise 4 grandchildren....it's also very very difficult to ignore him when he's retired and can't/or won't find anything to do outside of the house...he is not my husband...he's on all the best meds and seeing an MD BUT hearing I'm trying isn't cutting it for me anymore....a great guy "John Bradshaw" (google him) said "trying is dying"...at some point you have to DO...

brownielove 02/18/2013

Trying is dying... At some point you have to do.
I like that, it's true!
I do need him to do... Today for the first time since last summer mentioned counseling all on his own. I bring it up every so often , but today he did :). I hope he does this and actively DOES these things to help himself, not just "try"

zzztop 03/08/2013

DEAR BROWNIELOVE: PLEASE I KNOW YOU FEEL SORY FOR THIS MAN AND YOU ARE MADLEY IN LOVE WITH HIM. BUT IF HE IS HAVING ALL THESE PROBLEMS HE NEEDS TO SEE PROFESSIONAL AND GET SOME MEDS. WORRY ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND YOUR SANITY. YOU SAY (AM i BREAKING HIM) NO , HE IS BREAKING YOU. HE IS JUST A COMTROLLING PERSON . THAT IS NOT LOVE. LOVE FEELS GOOD IT DOES NOT HURT. PLEASE MOVE ON AND MEET SOMEONE WHO WANTS A LIFE WITH YOU. GOOD LUCK.

smdruid 03/09/2013

zzztop and all,
I'm having the most difficult time as well...move on feels right NOW.....I'm "Dr Phil" BURNING DAYLIGHT....I/m in love with life more than I am presently with him...I have NO quilt regarding him but now am truly realizing that this issue, for him, has been his problem for probably always...I am not mommy or a therapist or God for that matter...just plain ole' wonderful me. I can't let anyone...ANYONE...destroy from love of life..I am now getting depressed myself...FACT....I can feel my zest and joy draining out of me daily...all of his issues are from childhood...all of them...anger is now beginning to surface from him...and I'm a domestic violence councilor...what's wrong with me, here...letting a taller than I am man yell and clench a fist over my head...no...I'm not afraid...but this man would have never harmed a hair on my head..now he thinks I am the the wife, who is cold, etc., he's divorcing...transference...the difficult part is hanging on and hoping...but as more and more time goes by my love is going...and you all must know that when that starts to happen one day the click in your head goes off and that's the end...NO GOING BACK...then they run after you, scared to death...but for me it's noon and they think it's 11:00....so grateful for this site...big girl hugs to all

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