Hi,
I don't have many answers, but I can tell you I understand how you feel and what I do.

My boyfriend is an amazing guy, but he struggles with depression almost as much as I do. He'll disappear for hours into our basement and work is becoming a joke. I'd love for him to see someone, but he staunchly refuses and the very topic causes a fight.

A major thing that I try to remember when things get bad is that "It's not about me." He's fighting the demons in his head and that has nothing to do with me.

With the house, maybe try asking for help with something that could use two people. "Hey hun, can you take out the trash while I replace the bags?" Anything to break up the inertia, even for a few minutes. Don't come at him with a To Do list, just ask for help every once in a while. If he's a good guy, he will probably realize that moving around a little bit makes him feel better, and you'll feel better, so the general mood will be better, and you can build on that.
And don't forget to say "Thanks, hun, that was a huge help"

If you are really adventurous, you could join him in the room when he plays his games. I used to do this with an ex who also had depression. I rooted for him and we talked about the game's storyline. It allowed him to relax and open up a bit.

Later, I wasn't the nagging enemy when I needed him to put the game down to help me do something, because gaming was something we did together, and if we finished all the other stuff together, we'd have more time to play.

Hope that helps or at least gives you some ideas.
Good luck and love

MissScales

When I first met my husband he was very easy going and happy for the most part. Fast forward a few years and we are married in our first home with our firstborn daughter, and what you are describing is exactly what I was and still am going through. It is the hardest thing because you know your husband is a good person, but the outbursts and him always saying how much he hates being home makes you feel insufficient and almost like you are in an abusive relationship. The worst part is your kids relationship suffers unintentionally. To top that off you have your own needs and struggles that you wish you had a partner to support you with. We went through a 6 month streak where he was never happy, and I finally confronted him about it. I went back to work and I basically told him to shape up or I was shipping out. This was before we accepted that he had a problem he needed help with. We finally decided to move and the change in scenery and change in pace really made a difference. Then I started to see the same things happening again. He came home upset and started getting angry at the minor things with our pets and our daughter, Finally I called insurance for him to get a list of therapists he could call. He had said he was open to the idea, but he is not very good at taking the first steps to get things like that done. I made sure to tell him that he was the one who needed to pick the therapist, because it was his therapy and I would like someone different than him. Therapy hasn't made a miraculous change in his behavior, but he has gotten so much better at communicating, especially when he is feeling down. He is getting better at sharing and venting so that I can give him some support. I've started to see better days, where he seems to be enjoying himself again, but it's still not easy. Just know you aren't alone. The one thing that has been both a blessing and a curse is hearing how he perceives things. I've discovered that reality and his perception of life are not the same, at all. There is also nothing I can do to break through to him sometimes to let him know I love him, and that most of the time hes angry it has nothing to do with me. Even if he is Taking it out on me at the time.