Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I am recently married, 3 months ago. When I met my wife I was made aware that she has long term suffered from depression, about 8 years ago she was hospitalized. I didn't let this deter me from being with her. When I met her she was vivacious, always smiling, excited and positive. I thought perhaps she had found some truly amazing coping mechanisms for her depression. I'm not sure if that's a thing, I suffer from anxiety and I have coping mechanisms that allow me to continue being my lively self.
We are a long distance couple and I started to notice that everytime we were together she looked happier than I've ever seen her, loving and affectionate and smiling all the time. But everytime we would have to part ways it became harder to see her smile, harder for her to get out of bed, harder for her to show me affection...until we were back together again!
For the last two weeks I noticed her getting progressively moodier, upset, short tempered and distant. She told me she was feeling depressed again and it makes her distant. I did what I could to try and understand and try to show her affection but it seemed to make her short fuse even shorter.
Today we didn't speak all day and when I finally got a response from her she told me that she needs to be alone, she needs to breathe because she feels she's going to lose it. I read some articles about how to help your partner with depression and I sent her a message which she received very well and told me to not forget how much she loves me and that she will talk to me when she feels better.
My question is, in the meantime how do I not let my anxiety take over and tell me that this time apart, however long or short it is, won't lead to a divorce? How do I support her when she doesn't want to talk to me? How do I not take this personally when she loves me so much but I'm the one getting pushed away? I feel so lost and upset, all I want to do is be there for her but don't know where to start.
Help?
We are a long distance couple and I started to notice that everytime we were together she looked happier than I've ever seen her, loving and affectionate and smiling all the time. But everytime we would have to part ways it became harder to see her smile, harder for her to get out of bed, harder for her to show me affection...until we were back together again!
For the last two weeks I noticed her getting progressively moodier, upset, short tempered and distant. She told me she was feeling depressed again and it makes her distant. I did what I could to try and understand and try to show her affection but it seemed to make her short fuse even shorter.
Today we didn't speak all day and when I finally got a response from her she told me that she needs to be alone, she needs to breathe because she feels she's going to lose it. I read some articles about how to help your partner with depression and I sent her a message which she received very well and told me to not forget how much she loves me and that she will talk to me when she feels better.
My question is, in the meantime how do I not let my anxiety take over and tell me that this time apart, however long or short it is, won't lead to a divorce? How do I support her when she doesn't want to talk to me? How do I not take this personally when she loves me so much but I'm the one getting pushed away? I feel so lost and upset, all I want to do is be there for her but don't know where to start.
Help?
Im sorry that your going through this tough situation. I have experienced very similar situations with my wife. My advice is to give her the space she is requesting, and I know how difficult this is to do. Let her know that you love her, and that your there for her, but then let her choose to contact you when she needs you, and she will...
You can't take anything personally, depression can make her reality completely different than everyone else's.
Please remember that being there for her physically (esp if she is becoming annoyed etc) may only make the situation worse.
I know how difficult this is, but please be patient. And please know that each situation is unique. You have to feel out your spouse constantly. When she does reach out to you, be kind and reassuring.
Most importantly, look after yourself. Eat healthy, exercise and meet with friends.
I wish you the best,