Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
My daughter recently graduated from High school. Major accomplishment since she suffers terribly from anxiety and depression. I wanted everything to be perfect. We disagreed on who should be invited. We have very little family, but friends that I consider family. Everything went well, until the dinner after the graduation. Almost as soon as we sat down, my daughter got mad because mu friends daughter was there. She knew this ahead of time, but was offended by her presence. She has never liked her. I tried to calm her down but she was getting more and more upset. She said she wanted me to tell them to leave. Of course, I refused. A friend of mine that is good with dealing with my daughter took her in the bathroom and tried to talk sense into her. )I had tried but I just made her angrier because it was my fault. One of my oldest friends insisted that I ask my daughter if she wanted then to leave. Finally, after awhile and my friend insisting, I went to try to resolve this. I was so mortified and embarrasses, I wasn't thinking clearly. If I hadn't gone to talk to her all would have been fine. Our friend had dealt with her but hen she saw me she got all upset again because obviously I was angry. End result:, we went back, excused ourselves and continued our party with just immediate family. My daughter was fine then. The main thing on my mind was making sure my daughter had a good graduation. We have been through A LOT. I am very well aware of how terrible our behavior was. I have talked or at least messaged all that were there last night, and my daughter has sent thank you/apology notes. What more should I do? Should I send back gifts? What else? I''ve been living on ativan and my daughter has fallen into a bad depression. I feel like the worst mom and friend in the world. Help!
That is a lot to consider and I am pretty sick at the moment.
Wanted you to know that I am sorry this was so rough for you. I will respond more in the next couple of days.
Hang in there!
I am not sure there is much else you can do.
Sometimes all we can do is apologize for the behavior and move forward. You have apologized. Moving forward can be more difficult.
One of the things I would consider is taking a lot of time to go back through the situation and finding spots where you can stop the escalation of behaviors. For instance, if you could do it again, maybe recognizing that it is your daughter's graduation and inviting only people she would want there (that is an example of possibilities, not a judgment of your actions, I promise).
Another thing I would consider is making sure both you and your daughter get counseling. Maybe both for yourselves and as a family. Counseling does not make you a bad or weak person. It is just like going to the doctor when you are physically ill.
I know you are embarrassed and ashamed of your behavior (at least that is what comes through in the post). You have done what you can and the pieces will fall where they may at this point. Time and good choices will heal these wounds.
Take care. Please let us know how it is going!