Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
My fianc had said to me in the past that she felt she was decompensating, and that she needed to leave me and live on her own to try to find and deal with herself. It really broke my heart, but we talked our way through it. She has been off her meds, and I cant get her to get back on them. Her primary diagnosis is depression but she also is Bi-Polar. She makes a halfhearted attempt to get them but then doesnt follow up, and if I bug her about it, she turns it around to being my fault somehow. This was a few months ago. She just went through a stint of 5 days last week that she could not stop sleeping. We would go to bed at 6:00pm on the weekends. She would sleep a lot of the day. Now she cant sleep at all, she says that she is restless. I felt it yesterday when she came to pick me up from work, I knew something was wrong. Last night I felt it again. I feel her withdrawing from me. She was up in the middle of the night with stomach issues, but when she got back to bed, she just curled up in a ball (she does not do that ever). I asked her what was wrong she said that she didnt feel good, I asked her did something hurt and she said her brain, I asked if she had a headache and she said no. We got up this morning, and it seems hard for her to hug me or even touch me and she is a very affectionate person. The first time she decamped, I had no idea what it was or what she was talking about, but now I do. It means that she is losing her struggle her struggle against the mental illness, and she is struggling to function. She is also an alcoholic albeit a functioning one. I know there are stressors that she is facing, and maybe this is what is causing it. I am terrified that she is truly decompensating this time, and I just dont know what to do. I have gone on line and educated myself as much as I could, but gosh I just dont want her to go through this, and I am scared. If anyone could tell me how they dealt with a loved one decamping, or give me any advice at all I would be so appreciative. Be Blessed-GaC
thralkr
You've come to the right place because we've all been there and still go there on occasion. It's a very uncomfortable, helpless feeling, and it sucks. My husband refuses to acknowledge that he has depression. He has been on "break" for 11 weeks now and tells our two young kids that he will be back, but he never commits to returning. That's a hallmark of living with someone who is depressed. Nothing you do is enough for them. You can bend over backwards to try to make them happy, but it will never work. You can reason with them, they will agree with you, but nothing will change. It's not that they are bad, it's that they have a disease. The only thing that can truly stop her decline is for her to want to get treatment to stop it. It's hard, but you have to think of yourself first. It won't help if you are a quivering mess because you're so desperate to help her. I've been that quivering mess and it did no good at all. You have to set limits on the behavior and distance you will tolerate in your relationship. And come here often. It helps to just vent.
Greenandclean
Thank you so much for your words. You obviously have been there and your words and advice carry a lot of weight. She seems to be doing better today, but your right I have to distance myself when I see it coming on and not be responsible for her behaviour. It sucks because I am a fixer like a lot of men, and I want to do something to help, but there is truly not much I can do to help her. Thanks and be blessed - GaC
Join the Conversation