Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Im feeling frustrated this morning. Things have been going so well the past few months since my husband has been medicated. Sure, we've had a few rough spots here and there but for the most parts his moods have been steady and he hasn't lashed out at me like he used to.
But on Sunday he forgot to take one of his pills and as a result has been in an awful mood all week. I've been understanding and tried to be patient since I know that he's not himself right now, but his behavior last night was just unacceptable. We got in an argument and because I didn't answer him about something right away and questioned something he was asking me, he got ticked off and in the end told me to shut up and go away. I tried to bring it up a few hours later when I thought he and calmed down but he just started shouting again and when I tried to stand up for myself, he again told me to shut up and ignore me.
Last night was the first time in our entire marriage that he slept on the couch (by his choice). So I'm just waiting to see how today goes.
I'm exhausted from no sleep and am just tired of these outbursts that I'm supposed to understand and accept because he forgets to take his medicine. Last week we had talked about finding ways to build our marriage back up after everything we went through these past few years with his depression. I was so excited that he had brought the conversation up and was hopeful that we could do this but then when he falls back to his old aggressive habits a few days later, it just makes that conversation feel like it never happened.
But on Sunday he forgot to take one of his pills and as a result has been in an awful mood all week. I've been understanding and tried to be patient since I know that he's not himself right now, but his behavior last night was just unacceptable. We got in an argument and because I didn't answer him about something right away and questioned something he was asking me, he got ticked off and in the end told me to shut up and go away. I tried to bring it up a few hours later when I thought he and calmed down but he just started shouting again and when I tried to stand up for myself, he again told me to shut up and ignore me.
Last night was the first time in our entire marriage that he slept on the couch (by his choice). So I'm just waiting to see how today goes.
I'm exhausted from no sleep and am just tired of these outbursts that I'm supposed to understand and accept because he forgets to take his medicine. Last week we had talked about finding ways to build our marriage back up after everything we went through these past few years with his depression. I was so excited that he had brought the conversation up and was hopeful that we could do this but then when he falls back to his old aggressive habits a few days later, it just makes that conversation feel like it never happened.
Is he still not smoking? I am sure that is amplifying things as well. I wish I had more advice, but I am here to listen. I am so sorry... I send you a hug. Hopefully things will calm and he will remember to take his meds regularly. I and my husband have a pill box with the days of the week we use. It is the only way we can keep track. Maybe an idea?
Keep us posted.
I'm still new to supporting someone with depression (although I think we've been dealing with this for two or more years), but you sound remarkably strong for trying to support someone and help them work through everything while they have a big target pinned squarely on you. I'm trying to do the same. My husband pins a large target on me too. It is tough. Stay strong and find ways to spoil yourself a little today.
Yes newlywed, he's still not smoking. I actually remember seeing that he was chewing the Nicorette gum as he was yelling at me last night so he must've been having a nicotine fit.
I think the hardest part for me is that I'm such a calm person that even on my worst days, even when I was quitting smoking too, I would NEVER treat him the way he does me or tell him to shut up and go away. So it just baffles me. But today is a new day, I guess well have to see how it goes.
First of all- take a second to smile! You are an amazing person with amazing strengths and wonderful qualities!! I know I speak for myself and others on the board when I say how much we admire you!
Secondly, I am sorry it was such a rough night!!! Gosh!!! Those nights are awful I know. They just beat you down so hard that it's difficult to do anything but want to crawl in a hole and cry. I have learned for myself that treating myself to something nice and some time the next day is perfect for me. Even if it's parking my car outside McDonald's soaking up the sunshine with a chocolate dipped come in my hand ( yes chocolate dipped on these days- I feel more like I'm spoiling myself). And just reflect on all the wonderful things about yourself to remind yourself how you deserve happiness and then reflect on all the wonderful things about your husband to remind yourself how wonderful he can be when this stupid dumb disease that we hate isn't in the way!
It's such a hard thing to go through and I'm so sorry. You don't deserve that behavior from him or anyone! I think newlywed is right to say its something you might want to mention to him but after things calm down. Just let him know how it makes you feel and that there are better ways to express what he needs from you at that time.
I too would NEVER treat him that way- but it's like they foret we have feelings too. They are so concerned about themselves in that moment that they are all they think about.
Mine needs to be in a quiet place alone at those depression lows. This took me years to learn! I would sit with him and talk and talk and talk! It didn't help anything!
Now, I walk to the other room. I stay at home so that e knows I'm there- but I do stuff for me in there. I cook usually- one times clean, write, read. After awhile he usually comes to me for a hug. Like okay, I've had my feeling sorry for myself time- I'm ready for you to be next to me again! But honestly, it took you guys here and all your advice and over four years of NOT helping either of us to learn how to help. I know it's extra compacted for you too since he's quitting smoking... Just do stuff for you today Ski. Little things. I'm telling you- that chocolate dipped cone at mcdonalds helps a lot! ;)