Depression Supporters Support Group

This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.

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Feeling powerless

concernedwife709
concernedwife709

Ysterday was the first day i had ever been afraid to go home. I was mortified that i would find my husband had killed himself. He has struggled with depression and anxiety since he was a small child. H got on meds for anxiety and depression a year ago when he told me he had suicidal ideations. I seems like his meds are not working anymore since he is having them again. H says he doesnt have a plan this time, but its hard to trust him because depression is an evil beast. It will make you lie to your loved ones and can make you take your own life. I am a fixer so i have issues with what to say to him. I tell him i loe him and that we will get through this together. but besides that i dont know what to say or do. we are going friday to get meds changed. i just want him to have some relief. I read on here to maybe give his depression a name and treat it like it is an entitiy entirely outside of my husband. Im just not sure. I am also an RN so i know all of the signs of suicide and can't help but think that when he tells me all is good that is actually him submitting to his depression and he has decided to commit suicide. Im sure this is all being blown out of porportion, but he wont talk to anyone about it so that gives me very limited outlets for me to talk about it. Thanks for listening.

lauren74
lauren74
I’m glad you are going to get his medication changed. Is he in therapy? Talking to someone outside the situation can be so helpful. I know that if you discuss it when he is not in the throes of his depression then he may be more willing to talk about options. I just had a conversation with my husband after he had an episode and suggested that he wasn’t his true self when he is feeling this way and that maybe we could use a code to signal to one another when he is feeling this way. We decided to call it Backwards Sean. He seem d to be ok with the idea but I know he wouldn’t be if it was in the middle of a depressive state. I understand your fear and hope you will get therapy for yourself and him. It certainly can’t hurt.
concernedwife709
concernedwife709
He was in therapy for a couple months and quit stating that we couldnt afford it (which we can) I’m not sure why he is so adamant about not going to therapy. I never thought about going myself. I luckily don’t suffer from anxiety or depression so I’ve never been. But we all have problems I guess haha.
Yesterday I tried to get him to call his brother or a friend I think because he doesn’t want to be completely open about his SI. But he said that what he would tell his brother would completely ruin their relationship and he is terrified he won’t let us keep our nephew anymore.

I think your right about being in the middle of a spiral as I like to call it. The problem with this time is I don’t know when this one will end. So do I try to talk to him about options and risk him not being receptive? This is all just so frustrating. I wish I could just take it all away from him. I hate seeing him suffer like this.