Depression Supporters Support Group

This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.

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chrysanthemums 02/16/2017

My BF of 1.5 years who is usually sweet, kind, and understanding has been going through his latest downward cycle which is more focused on me this time -- repeatedly accusing me of wanting to be with others over him, refusing to believe I do actually care for him, rejecting my affection, convinced I am happier without him... the list goes on. He is currently not receptive to my pleas to let me visit him or see him and simply repeats that no, I don't actually want to see him and that I am happier without him (not true). I know this is his illness speaking... but every time he rejects my love, it feels like I'm being cut by the blade of a knife. How many times can I keep trying to convince myself to not take it personally? I exist in two neutrotic states: reeling in pain from his most recent attack or numbing myself to the situation while waiting the phase out. It's exhausting, but I don't want to leave him. But I'm also not sure what I'm doing. I'm confused and I miss the caring man I fell in love with. I know he is still there, and I know this is the same reason he has the capacity for such tenderness and kindness. Why is he pushing me away when all I know is to love him and try? Is my love not enough? Is his love for me not enough?

I know there are no magic bullets but I am grateful this group exists and I appreciate anyone taking the time to read this. Wishing everyone out there comfort... <3

jmck 02/16/2017

Thank you for the response on my post. I read your post and wanted to let you know your not alone in this. As were become more aware of this disability becomes apparent that it affects all of us. Be strong and supporting no matter what. Let him know you care even if you don't get the response you need to hear. He may not show it but he hears you and when he gets through the latest bout of it he will tell you he cares about you to. Be strong.jmck

chrysanthemums 02/16/2017

Hi jmck, thank you for letting me know there's someone else out there. I'm starting to fear that his insistence that "I want to leave him" is his way of saying he wants to leave me?? But then how does that happen at the flip of switch -- and I don't quite believe that in my core... but the constant twisted words start to make everything feel crazy. I will remain supportive of him until my last breath but those doubts are just where I'm at tonight. Sigh.

jmck 02/17/2017

I have been there all week so i know exactly what you are saying. Be strong and persistent that your not leaving him. Just do it so as not to cause a argument. Time and space can sometimes be the hardest for supporters. You feel left out and on the outside looking in. It's never easy and after 20 years i can tell you it doesn't get any easier. You start feeling that your not helping and you are the only one that keeps getting hurt. They i am convinced know that and when they come out of their shadow try to make it up to you. Time is the worst part never knowing how long it will take this time. With my wife one of the major trigger is stress. Whether from work or money or whatever it is this seems to push her over the edge. And in the winter from January till March is the absolute worst. I live in a area where it's cold and snowy so it's hard to get out and be active and it wears on her. They don't call it the Winter Blues for nothing.
So be strong for yourself and for him, Be there when he needs you and stay close when he pushes you away. Always let him know you care and the your in love with only him. If i can recommend one thing that may help you there is a book The 5 languages of love by Gary Chapman. Once he comes back to normal sit down and have him read this book and answer the questions. It will give you the information you need to know on how to show you love him and make sure he gets it. It explains to you what he needs to feel loved. Some people it's touch, some it's telling them, etc... It's a good read and probably good for you to read as well so you two can communicate and make sure each other know they are loved. Good luck and keep your chin up.

idk789 04/18/2017

It's been a little while since you posted on here. Just wanted to check up on you and ask how things have been?

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