Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
We got my husbands meds changed last week from fluoxetine to Lexapro and Wellbutrin. I saw Wellbutrin as a ray of light in the darkness. Truly felt hope for the first time in a year that Wellbutrin could possibly begin to relieve my husbands depression and finally give him some energy and bring joy back to his life. He started it Monday. On Tuesday he got hives on his wrists that burn and itch. Now I know I’m probably getting ahead of myself, but I’m pretty sure he is allergic. It just really sucks to finally let myself feel hopeful for once just to have it all crash and burn. Better luck next time I guess. Let me just say depression fucking sucks. I know I’m frustrated and at a loss so I can’t imagine how hubby feels. I feel so guilty because it has been hard for me to hide my frustration and helplessness from him. I def don’t want to make this harder on him. Wish we could just say a prayer or chant a spell and be rid of it for good. Maybe it is time I get myself to therapy. Even if I do it jut to help him. Sending positive vibes to all you supporters out there.
That is very frustrating. I know the feeling. I myself have hoped that the next drug or life-style adjustment or diet or whatever will make it go away.
It is true that my wife's medications are a big help, as well as medical marijuana, quality therapy and a quiet life; but none of it erases the fundamental challenges of living with depression.
I do want to push back a bit on your comment about hiding your frustration from your husband. Yes, as one without depression, you hold the lion's share of stability and support; but that doesn't mean that your husband is duty-free. He is your husband and needs to do his part in the marriage too. You deserve to vent steam at the situation and expect him to sympathize. Not every day, but you get to be sad too. I know it feels dangerous to show negative emotion to a spouse with depression, but marriages, even with those with depression, require give-and-take.
I fully support finding therapy for yourself. I have a therapist I trust and it has been transforming. For one, they absolutely understand depression and can empathize sincerely. Second, they will have high-quality advice on what you can do to battle depression in all of it manifestations. Third, you get someone on your side. That is the most important of all, because the truth is that a spouse with depression has to allocate some of their soul, every day, to battling their disease...and that leaves a gap. Friendship, personal time and therapy are great ways to fill that gap.
My husband was on fluoxetine and came off it due to severe side effects. He went cold turkey and things have been terrible since then. I was also hoping for a miracle drug. Ha ha Sometimes its hard to have the strength to go on. You are not alone. Marriages are truly tested with this disease. My husband has post traumatic stress disorder and we have married for 22 years. I tried to get therapy for myself in desperation and the doctor just said that my husband needed to get it first and dismissed my needs. Of course my husband wont get help.I wish you well and I hope you have better luck than me. Keep on keeping on. Really it is one day at a time. I find family and friends really help when I can no longer cope and I have a few days away from the dramas.
Thank you for your post. It really is difficult for me to vent to my husband for fear that the added stress my bring him farther down in his hole. this is something I have been pondering lately... am I coddling him? Could I actually be making him worse by absorbing most of the negatives in his life? Who knows?
Thankfully the rash was either a coincidence or just a loading dose side effect because it has gone away. He is out of “the hole” now, and Fingers crossed maybe it will have some lasting effects.
My husband also partakes in self medication with mj. I support him, and sometimes partake myself, but I find myself wondering if he just uses it as another crutch. Maybe I just don’t see it truly as medication? I have always used it recreationally so I think it might be hard for me
To see it as medicinal and not as mind altering fun/numbing/problem covering.
Thanks for the feedback. Not many people really post here, but it is so refreshing to know I’m not crazy or selfish for having these feelings.
Sending positives vibes.