Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I have never posted here, so forgive me if this is a little long.
My husband developed some severe anxiety following a breakout on his face of rosacea. He was so self conscious that he went to work and came home and hid out in the bedroom. This lasted about two months, and with a number of trips to the dermatologist the face has cleared up, but he has had to avoid heat, the pool, sun, everything this summer. He has changed his diet drastically to avoid anything unhealthy or spicy because he feared another flare up. This anxiety went on so long that it caused his chronic prostatitis to flare up. SOOOO now he is in pain, and has started to meditate, walk on the treadmill, stretch, sleep along, etc to battle that. We are both teachers so we are off for the summer.....which is about the only good thing about this problem. However, being stuck in the house with someone who is depressed is really wearing on me. I have started to have some depression issues myself because he is constantly talking about it (I am trying to be supportive) and stresses about EVERYTHING. I have done all I can for him. I have made our world revolve around him for three months....nothing for myself.
In January of this year, we booked a cruise, along with 10 other family members. This includes HIS mother. We are supposed to leave next week, but it is in the Caribbean and of course, will have heat and sun. I have tried to convince him that he can stay on the ship but he is embarrassed about that. He does not want to go and has MORE anxiety and depression as it comes up. I am stressing because I really want him to go....I think if he went he would feel better, but he says it will be a week of misery and he will really resent me if I push this. At this point we can't get money back for him, and if he doesn't go, I am stuck entertaining his 82 year old mother all week and doing none of the excursions I have also already paid for. This is driving us both crazy and I have had nothing but headaches, backaches, chest pains, etc from this...and lots of crying.
He won't go to the doctor to get on anything........but he also is being unfair to me. HELP!! Should I throw a fit and insist he go, or ruin my vacation for the year?
My husband developed some severe anxiety following a breakout on his face of rosacea. He was so self conscious that he went to work and came home and hid out in the bedroom. This lasted about two months, and with a number of trips to the dermatologist the face has cleared up, but he has had to avoid heat, the pool, sun, everything this summer. He has changed his diet drastically to avoid anything unhealthy or spicy because he feared another flare up. This anxiety went on so long that it caused his chronic prostatitis to flare up. SOOOO now he is in pain, and has started to meditate, walk on the treadmill, stretch, sleep along, etc to battle that. We are both teachers so we are off for the summer.....which is about the only good thing about this problem. However, being stuck in the house with someone who is depressed is really wearing on me. I have started to have some depression issues myself because he is constantly talking about it (I am trying to be supportive) and stresses about EVERYTHING. I have done all I can for him. I have made our world revolve around him for three months....nothing for myself.
In January of this year, we booked a cruise, along with 10 other family members. This includes HIS mother. We are supposed to leave next week, but it is in the Caribbean and of course, will have heat and sun. I have tried to convince him that he can stay on the ship but he is embarrassed about that. He does not want to go and has MORE anxiety and depression as it comes up. I am stressing because I really want him to go....I think if he went he would feel better, but he says it will be a week of misery and he will really resent me if I push this. At this point we can't get money back for him, and if he doesn't go, I am stuck entertaining his 82 year old mother all week and doing none of the excursions I have also already paid for. This is driving us both crazy and I have had nothing but headaches, backaches, chest pains, etc from this...and lots of crying.
He won't go to the doctor to get on anything........but he also is being unfair to me. HELP!! Should I throw a fit and insist he go, or ruin my vacation for the year?
I don't know if you can force him to go, but you can keep talking to him. Maybe tell him you are feeling a little let down by his decision, that you wish he would go. Tell him that maybe getting out of the house might do him a little good. Remind him that you have already paid for him to go on trip, you have purchase the excursions and that you do feel badly that he is planning on not going. Let him know that you understand he is feeling depressed and anxious but you need him to be with you.
Maybe his MD would know of something that might help him with the rosacea while he is on the trip. Plus hats, light clothing might help.
I'm sorry, I do understand somewhat. It is hard to get them to do things, especially when it is out of their comfort zone, especially when they are in a depression.
Let us know how it goes.
Welcome :)
I understand completely how you are feeling. It is so stressful to be with someone who won't try. It does however sound like he is trying so hard to fight the rosacia and because of that has forgotten to fight his depression. Or maybe this is the first time he's dealt with it and doesn't know how to be proactive towards it.
We went to the Virgin Islands for Spring Break. His mom paid for the trip so he couldn't back out BUT... It was 3 months of extreme depression, anxiety, stress... It was awful. He thought of lots of ways to get out but we ended up going. Once we were there he was SO happy! We honestly talk about that trip nearly everyday. Literally. It was the best time ever!
I say this because I believe he should go. It would be good for him and for you. Push it a little but try to talk rationally. Like newlywed said. It will be a good thing :)
And PLEASE come back for support. This site has saved my sanity! I love it here and the people are wonderful :)
Again welcome :)
Maybe try helping your husband build a safe space around himself. He can stay inside the cabin the whole cruise if he wants, and everyone else can think he has food poisoning. He can decide when to come out, and you'll be right there beside him.
One thing I've found that does not work in my case is to let my husband know he has disappointed me. He just shuts down and it ends up being counterproductive for us. It isn't fair, but it seems to be our reality.
I hope this helps, and I sincerely hope that you get to enjoy that cruise.