Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and it has been the most intense rollercoaster. He lashes out at me every few weeks from swearing at me to violence and then is full of apology. He will accuse me of speaking to other men or take a small thing I say very literally when I did not mean it in a negative way at all. I found out recently that he cheated on me when in a very dark place but of course has tried to keep me and asked me for forgiveness.
I feel he is only rude to me, only lashes out at me and is usually fine to go out with friends and family. He has an awful past so I do understand and he is attending counselling and on antidepressants. I just get very confused as to the abusive behaviour and cheating that maybe this is a man that does not love me even though he constantly says he does or maybe it is a man who really is suffering from depression. It is confusing that he only is like that towards me and has never lashed out at a friend. The odd occasion it is his mother but if his friends were to go out, he won't ever miss out. I know he has multiple issues with his father but he still will remain calm with him in comparison to me.
I do love him and I am trying to forgive him but I have been put through so much followed by an apology and I feel like he takes my kindness for granted as I am constantly paying for things, helping and supporting him no matter what and anytime I get angry, he will get worse or block me off everything. It is exhausting.
I know you won't want to hear this but the fact that he violent and cheats on you is crossing a huge line. When I read your post, I felt worried for your safety. You might think that is taking it too far but everything you described is the cycle of violence and abuse that has a tendency to get worse, not better. It sounds like a bigger issue than depression.
It is ok to love someone but know that they are not the right person for you. We have all loved people who are toxic, myself included. But I would seriously consider your situation. Are you getting the love you deserve? Are you walking on egg shells? Are you scared of him at times? These are questions that I have been asking myself also.
Im so sorry you are going through this. :(
From reading your post, it sounds like you have two options: 1) allow this abusive relationship to continue because you are legitimately scared of him 2) stand up for your dignity and your future and find a successful way to end the relationship.
I recommend that you make an appointment with a therapist and get their advice about how to smartly end the relationship in a way that doesn't get you hurt.
This sounds like an awful situation and I am very sorry that you are going through it. No one deserves violence, verbal abuse and a lack of respect. I don't know you at all, but I know you deserve a better life than what you are experiencing.
Toxic relationships can develop over time. I am going to assume he was not this way in the very beginning. So, it is easy to let things slide because we become dependent on others, even if they are abusive. And, this dependence makes it hard to stand up for yourself.
But, you are worth standing up for. There is no question that his actions have broken the sacred bonds of love. Until you stand up for yourself, he will continue to break those bonds.
Please seek professional help from a therapist, police, work HR, a hospital, anywhere. He does not have to know what you are doing and someone can point you in the right direction about how to take care of yourself.