Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
It always seems to catch me so off guard. He seems to be doing better and I think everything has gone back to normal. Just when I let me walls down and tell myself he's getting better, everything comes crashing down again...and it hurts all that much more. I don't understand how it happens. This morning he noticed that he forgot to take his medicine and didn't sleep well last night supposedly because of that. Then he started freaking out because he's suppose to meet with his doctor on Tuesday to lower his dosage again. Now he thinks that he won't be able to. He never yells at me but when he gets into his depressed state he always snaps at me. It makes me feel so bad. And he always spins the conversation to seem like he did nothing wrong and everything I said made HIM feel bad. Well, what about me? What about my endless job of helping him feel BETTER. I guess I just need to keep myself protected and always be on alert that he might dip into the depression again.
UGH! Sorry, just needed to vent...
UGH! Sorry, just needed to vent...
I don't know much about your situation, so I hope you don't mind if I ask a few questions..
Is he in counseling?
Are you in counseling?
Have you ever tried couple's counseling?
I know, counseling is not the complete answer or anything, but I ask for a few reasons:
1. If he is in counseling, maybe you could ask him to talk to his counselor about his feelings around medications.
2. If he is not in counseling, I would encourage him to be. You are not and do not want to be (I assume) his counselor. It is not good for a relationship. My girlfriend's therapist once told her it should be 80% fun/light conversation and 20% serious conversations with your significant other. I am not sure that is attainable, but it is a good number to shoot for.
3. If you are not in counseling, I highly recommend it. They can help you better understand his behavior and help you deal with it with less anger and/or guilt. You would be amazed at what counseling can do for you as the supporter of a depressed person.
4. Couples counseling might be able to help you both communicate more effectively with less "bad" feelings on both sides.
And no reason to apologize for venting. We all do it :)
Take care!
I am so sorry that he is struggling! I know he has his ups and downs... mine does too. Is the semester over? I know even for myself when the semester ends it is a life adjustment to just get used to again. Do you think that would effect him?
Also, I would agree with you that you need to keep yourself more prepared. No one wants to always anticipate the worst but being prepared is a different story. I myself had to do the same thing. At first I came here to vent and talk but then things went well and I left for a little while. When he feel again it was just as difficult for me as it was before. Coming here and getting such great advice and staying in touch with such great support has helped me IMMENSELY! I highly suggest trying it. When things are good, it keeps me grateful for the wonderful time I am having. I am also able to help others more in these times which also makes me reflect and learn from my own experiences more. When things are bad... I have been so in touch with so many people and these situations that I am so much more prepared! I don't really even stumble and fall anymore- at least not right away. :)
And of course- please don't apologize for venting. We are all here to to learn and grow so your experiences help us so much!! I hope that things are going better today and come back to share anytime. I can't tell you how much it has helped me! :)
Sorry that you are in that stage of it. I am in the good, should I let my guard down stage right now... It is scary and I really understand. It has been good for a few weeks. Do I let my guard down? Ugh! The bamb! When you do it completely catches you off guard and is almost more painful than before.
I agree with bpdistough, counseling might help. I know in my situation both of us see our own seperate counselors. Mine helps me understand my husbands illness and helps me understand my own feelings and ways to work through them a little better. Also coming here has made me see that many times when they are feeling the depression they are looking for reasons and we are right there so we get the blame. I think this happens a lot.
Anyhow, take care... hoping that things smooth out for you!