Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
So he's been going to counseling now for going on three months! Yay!!! It took over 5 years for us to get to this point.
I am so glad we are here :)
There's always "answers" for him and I struggle a lot with wondering if it's a real answer to helping him or a bandaid that'll wear off.
He has made some breakthroughs in therapy over the past few weeks and I just wanted to share:
1.). He has recently said that he realizes depression is an addiction for him. It is a comfortable place and state of mind that he is used to so he goes there. He said it feels like it HAS to happen. I just thought that was an interesting thought. So we have just re-entered another deep round of depression this past Sunday and it's hanging in there strong. I keep reminding myself that he had this breakthrough. It HAS to happen. It's an addiction.
2.). He doesn't know what he wants. He feels bogged down with the pressure from family and weight of responsibility. He almost wants to run away and leave everyone and everything behind. He also feels angry with himself because he says he has wasted the past few years of his life being this way and hiding from things. I didn't know he would feel that way. It is interesting to hear his thoughts overall and these breakthroughs. It's nice for me to be reminded of them and remember them as he is in such a tough time.
Patience:
He has NONE!!! NONE!!!! He has figured out a few things that'll make him be happier he believes. They are time consuming things and things that require patience. I don't know why it took me so long to realize his lack of patience. I've seen it before but I guess I have new thoughts about it. You see he's been desperate to move in the past where it needs to happen immediately or he won't be happy. And now it's that way with a couple other things. Things that take people months and even years to accomplish once they've decided they want it. It's been about 10 days and he is ready to throw in the towel- he's done. I have learned I simply must be doubly patient. Patient for me and patient with him and for him. He needs me to be calm and not throw in the towel. Yeah- we might change our minds or have new goals to accomplish but I need to stay on track and wait until those decisions are conscious and thought out rather than jump on board his roller coaster.
Ice cream. My guilty pleasure. I am always counting calories and doing well ( mostly ;). And I'm a big exerciser. I've gained over the past year and need to relose about 15 pounds BUT McDonalds has ice cream cones that are low calorie and so wonderfully decadent. During these deep depression times there's a lot of sitting in a McDonalds parking lot and enjoying a delicious cone and taking 10 minutes of peace for me. That ice cream gives me strength and joy :). I highly suggest it for anyone in need of a pick me up! :)
I am so glad we are here :)
There's always "answers" for him and I struggle a lot with wondering if it's a real answer to helping him or a bandaid that'll wear off.
He has made some breakthroughs in therapy over the past few weeks and I just wanted to share:
1.). He has recently said that he realizes depression is an addiction for him. It is a comfortable place and state of mind that he is used to so he goes there. He said it feels like it HAS to happen. I just thought that was an interesting thought. So we have just re-entered another deep round of depression this past Sunday and it's hanging in there strong. I keep reminding myself that he had this breakthrough. It HAS to happen. It's an addiction.
2.). He doesn't know what he wants. He feels bogged down with the pressure from family and weight of responsibility. He almost wants to run away and leave everyone and everything behind. He also feels angry with himself because he says he has wasted the past few years of his life being this way and hiding from things. I didn't know he would feel that way. It is interesting to hear his thoughts overall and these breakthroughs. It's nice for me to be reminded of them and remember them as he is in such a tough time.
Patience:
He has NONE!!! NONE!!!! He has figured out a few things that'll make him be happier he believes. They are time consuming things and things that require patience. I don't know why it took me so long to realize his lack of patience. I've seen it before but I guess I have new thoughts about it. You see he's been desperate to move in the past where it needs to happen immediately or he won't be happy. And now it's that way with a couple other things. Things that take people months and even years to accomplish once they've decided they want it. It's been about 10 days and he is ready to throw in the towel- he's done. I have learned I simply must be doubly patient. Patient for me and patient with him and for him. He needs me to be calm and not throw in the towel. Yeah- we might change our minds or have new goals to accomplish but I need to stay on track and wait until those decisions are conscious and thought out rather than jump on board his roller coaster.
Ice cream. My guilty pleasure. I am always counting calories and doing well ( mostly ;). And I'm a big exerciser. I've gained over the past year and need to relose about 15 pounds BUT McDonalds has ice cream cones that are low calorie and so wonderfully decadent. During these deep depression times there's a lot of sitting in a McDonalds parking lot and enjoying a delicious cone and taking 10 minutes of peace for me. That ice cream gives me strength and joy :). I highly suggest it for anyone in need of a pick me up! :)
My guilty pleasure is chocolate. The expensive, artisan kind, not Hershey.
We are at the store and I see a cookbook by one of our favorite chefs of the food network. I pick it up and flip through it... It's all about how she eats healthy for a healthy lifestyle and connects mind and body and stays in tune with herself and what she needs. Cool! We ALWAYS watch her and talk about her and how she seems so well balanced and happy and healthy. I am flipping through and decide to show him... He has wandered off to a different section of the store and I go over to him. I say "hey check this out!" I show him the cover and say "it's all about how she's healthy and connects her mind to body". Then I read her quote to him "the number one question people ask me is how do I stay so trim and healthy?"
He walks away and storms off... Then turns around and says "ready to go?" Ummmm... Sure I guess. His side had been hurting so I thought maybe he was in pain and wanted to get away and rest.
We get in the car and I can tell he's mad. Apparently it's embarrassing to be shown a healthy eating book... He think it points out to everyone that he needs to eat healthy. There were so few people there and we were talking quietly in our own aisle. But okay. I apologized, I didn't know that would upset him or embarrass him. I was sorry to do that because that wasn't my intention. He nicely said he knew and he knew it was his fault. We came home, got into bed. He was still so angry! Punching his pillow, angry, mad that that happened. Then he said he just wanted to look at some cool stuff and I ruined it. Again I said that wasn't my intention, we both like her and I thought he'd think its cool to look at this book and read her little blurb about health. Anyways... That was a long night. So I wasn't so strong... A donut and a candy bar later I was in bed trying to ignore him.
Oh well... I've been having a hard time recovering from his last depression... I've been on guard and on edge with him and not as free as I would like or he would like. It takes time sometimes for me to heal from his moods. Or to trust him again I guess.
I hadn't fully recovered and then he's back in full swing depression this week. It'll be awhile and a lot of work on his part for me to be back to myself... I will be fine other places but here with him... It'll take time.