Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Hi all. Is been a while. Maybe 5 or 6 months. Of course my husband's depression is not better and now on top of all the depression, anxiety, bipolar we now have an alcohol problem that has taken hold. I realized tonight as I was sitting thru yet another drunken narcissistic rant that I am getting more and more tired of it. Honestly though I feel 100% stuck and there is nothing I can do. I am stuck of my own choice I guess.
I am also tired of him pushing off his issues and projecting them on me and our son - telling us that we both need therapy too. That he is "doing all the work" and that we never make any changes. Big deal you take all your meds faithfully and you go to therapy every week and the psychiatrist every month But you have begun drinking. I cant afford the $15 a day for beer (drinks a 6 pack of craft beer - expensive and strong stuff of course - each day). He has "quit" many times over the last several months (even tried antabuse but the side effects were awful) but it never seems to last longer than a few weeks before there is some excuse that allows him to slip back into drinking . Supposedly he is quitting again tomorrow. I am not holding my breath.
Tired of him thinking he is the one doing all the "work" and "making sacrifices". He thinks I am some manipulative control freak who treats him like crap but really its the other way around and he just does not hear it or even see it even if I say something. How many times have I been the one to pick up the pieces, pay the bills, get the good job, have the good insurance, figure out what to do when we are broke because he overspent and we need something like a car repair or a new fridge cuz the one we have died or had to cancel vacations two hours before we were going to leave because he was "not up to it" or sat in not going anywhere because he could not handle going out or being alone. Hiding the real problems form his family and listening to the same complaints and skewed thinking over and over and over - Listening to hm say he wants to kill himself, listening to all the ways he would do it, all the unfounded threats staying strong against all the manipulation he tries on me. Running interference with our child when he is unable to be a good parent because he is in a "mood", always trying to be supportive and not being his "mom". Ugh I think I am just exhausted.
Brownielove - how are you hanging in?
I am also tired of him pushing off his issues and projecting them on me and our son - telling us that we both need therapy too. That he is "doing all the work" and that we never make any changes. Big deal you take all your meds faithfully and you go to therapy every week and the psychiatrist every month But you have begun drinking. I cant afford the $15 a day for beer (drinks a 6 pack of craft beer - expensive and strong stuff of course - each day). He has "quit" many times over the last several months (even tried antabuse but the side effects were awful) but it never seems to last longer than a few weeks before there is some excuse that allows him to slip back into drinking . Supposedly he is quitting again tomorrow. I am not holding my breath.
Tired of him thinking he is the one doing all the "work" and "making sacrifices". He thinks I am some manipulative control freak who treats him like crap but really its the other way around and he just does not hear it or even see it even if I say something. How many times have I been the one to pick up the pieces, pay the bills, get the good job, have the good insurance, figure out what to do when we are broke because he overspent and we need something like a car repair or a new fridge cuz the one we have died or had to cancel vacations two hours before we were going to leave because he was "not up to it" or sat in not going anywhere because he could not handle going out or being alone. Hiding the real problems form his family and listening to the same complaints and skewed thinking over and over and over - Listening to hm say he wants to kill himself, listening to all the ways he would do it, all the unfounded threats staying strong against all the manipulation he tries on me. Running interference with our child when he is unable to be a good parent because he is in a "mood", always trying to be supportive and not being his "mom". Ugh I think I am just exhausted.
Brownielove - how are you hanging in?
I was reading this and just starting to cry harder as I sit here in a park on the bench to take some time.... I'm tearing up and understanding and then... You asked about me at the end. :). I am touched and it made me cry harder yet haha:)
I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't tell you how truly sorry I am. I remember last summer he was quitting alcohol but I see that didn't pan out :(.
I too go through phases trying it without coming here- just because I'm busy and we are a small group so there's not constant reinforcement. But I need this group. I need all of you. It's so hard.
We are going through a tough time- I make it tough too though which I think is harder on me. We are trying to move to his hometown 1000 miles away. He misses it, hates it here, too many people, misses his friends, misses his family... all excuses. But I won't give up on us. I support us fully, we are on a small income because I am a teacher but we make do.
The plan is- move to his hometown. He goes back to work at his old job part time and tries to get on full time, then all is better.
I am terrified. I know it's not a fix- but I hope it's a push in the right direction. I also... I know that if this doesn't work I am done. I will have done everything in my power for us and I can do no more.
The hard part? I'm stinkin terrified to move! My job is my support! I am comfortable there, tenured, LOVE my team!!! I am heartbroken to leave. That stresses him and causes a whole different problem. I am sad and terrified... I also know though- that this has been an ongoing issue for nearly 7 years. I will keep trying it here and it won't work. I have to do this to either have it work and we can breathe more confortably or see it won't work and wipe my hands.
This is just not okay. I can't do it forever.
I am scared though...