Depression Supporters Support Group

This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.

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At my wits end

silverlining2017
silverlining2017

Hi - I'm new here. Husband had significant untreated depression. Is in extremely dark place. Has been going on for very long time - years. Coupled with alcohol addiction, smoking (cigarettes) addiction. He is angry and feels sick and tired all the time. Mostly disengaged from friends and family. Won't sleep in our room with me. Acts mean and self-centered.  Says he will get help, but doesn't.


If it weren't for our daughter, I would leave, but owe it to her to try to make it work.


I am a generally optimistic person, but that has been zapped.


I am scared, feel hopeless and alone.


I do not see it getting better.


I am in counseling, but resent that it is me who is going.


We had gone to couples counseling (because I pushed) but it didn't help.


This past week I have really been wondering if I still love him. That sounds horrible I know, because I know depression is an illness, but I need him to take charge and he denounces my pleas.


I don't know what else to do. Do any of you have any advice?



Cmom
Cmom
My husband is in a very dark place as well. We've been married for 14 years and I've never seen him this way. He is currently in therapy, but has not been formally and violated for a diagnosis. He moved out of the house 2 months ago and at the subject of divorce comes up at least once or twice a week with zero emotion on his part. I don't even know who this person is. He can't even tell me what it would take to make him happy right now. I feel much like you do, alone, helpless, abandoned, frustrated... We can't even have any in-depth conversations about what is going on because he just keeps telling me that he doesn't have any answers right now. I wish I had something positive to tell you, but I'm new to this and I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I wish you would just get on medication to help even things out, because I never know which version of him I will meet from one day to the next, but for some reason he has been resisting. For now, I've decided to back off and give him some space. Not sure what else to do... I love him so much and I just feel like he's slipping away from me.
Freeagain2017
Freeagain2017
I am in a similar situation. My husband and I have been together for 14 years. I have been dealing with his anger issues after our daughter was born 9 years ago. And, 3 years ago, he started showing classic depression signs. He is seeing a therapist. But it’s not getting easier. I am pretty much exhausted. But I still have tell him that I understand and I am here for him, tell him not to worry about me and just take care of himself, tell him that I am here for him, tell him take the time he needs. I hope I have a solution for you, but there isn’t. I love him and I want to make this work for my daughter. But there is no guarantee he will ever get better. I think the only advice I can give you is to take care of yourself as much as you can. Because your daughter needs you. I am not following my own advice very well, but I am trying.
ABC1098
ABC1098
I don't have answers I'm just in a similar situation.. it's so incredibly hard. I try not to be selfish about it but I want my husband back and our relationship back.