I completely understand and feel the same way. I go back and forth between annoyed/frustrated/upset and don't like myself at times since I need to fight so hard to keep myself together. I have recently realized how exhausted I am by my spouse's depression.

I feel the same exact way. I mean I feel guilty for getting so made, or thinking that my wife is "milking" it too much from time to time. After 11 yrs of this it has really taken a toll on me and I'm at my breaking point. The mood swings and getting yelled at on a daily basis. I feel so bad about the fact that I have even started to research divorce lawyers. I can't talk to her cause then I'm the bad guy and a horrible person. And the " I was like this when you married me so you knew what you were getting into" or " we only treat the ones we love like that" response is getting old in response to the way she treats me. But the good days ,that are far and few between, are amazing and I truly do love her with all my heart but am afraid that I am starting to hate her too.

Everyone's words sound all so true to me. My husband, 45, all of a sudden has developed major depression and it had been horrible the past 6 months and I fear that the rest of my life is going to be like this. I really don't have the strength to deal with this plus my young kids and take care of the house and work a stressful job. I'm feeling all ki d of bad emotions. He doesn't follow through with doctor appointments and I feel like he needs medication. What types of medication has worked for others? Please give me hope that it gets better.

It's one of the many cruel aspects of this illness (along with stigma, difficulty of treatment, etc etc.). As a caregiver you feel like you're not allowed to resent them for being sick. And, of course, you're not—but you do anyway, because it's not something can just decide (i.e. you're human). What helped me a bit, was to try to think of the depression as this outside thing, i.e. not my wife. It helped her too, as she had a worse time accepting it as not her choice. Try directing your anger against Depression, instead of your partner. It's true really, as you're both victim of it.

This post truly spoke to me as I too often feel that I wish my spouse could sometimes see how much his behaviors from major depression and anxiety impact me and our family.

It is good to hear that I am not alone,

Oh my goodness, I know how you feel. My husband has chronic depression. Everyone tells me that I have to take care of myself. It's difficult though. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't at all affected by his moods, but I am. I feel as though the relationship isn't fairly reciprocated and that I am solely his mother/caretaker. Sometimes you just want to feel emotionally needed and valued. Like you, I have to understand that it is his mental illness, but it can take a toll on your emotional health as well. Make sure you take some time alone to take a walk, go out for coffee, etc. (Anything that make you feel sane again.)

I relate to all of you so much. My boyfriend suffers from depression and although his 'good' days are rare, they're amazing, but his 'bad' days have started to take a toll on me. Its been years since i've felt valued or loved, even though he tells me constantly, his depression just causes him to literally forget how to show it. I do not want to breakup because he truly is my bestfriend, and when it comes to our relationship, his depression is the only issue. I am praying that there is hope for all of us!!!! I wish we all had clear cut answers!!

I know it's been two months since you posted but how was your day today?

This post is exactly how I am feeling. Thanks for posting. I agree with getting some alone time. But if your significant other is like mine, be prepared to take some flack or a guilt trip for doing so. It is always worth it though because it helps the relationship!

I was just sending a message here to someone else about the importance of taking time. I know one thing that helps is that when I'm just depleted and need time, I try to be very clear that I need to do this for me and I'll be no good to her if I don't. I try (though sometimes fail) to be very careful to not be judgemental or blaming when talking about needing time for me. And then I do what I need to do and try not to feel guilty about it regardless of what she says. It's hard sometimes to not get defensive but worth it for sure when I manage it.

I am new here and this post and it's comments spoke to me. I have been living it for a little over a month, I know much shorter than many of you. But my husbands says he has been depressed for years. This all started when he said he was done. Apparently that meant with me as he had already reached oUT to an old flame and had been in contact with her via text and social media for a couple weeks. He was making plans. I found them. He is still here but majorly depressed. I am learning a great deal about depression and I know most of the words he says I shouldn't believe are his true feelings but it's extremely hard. We have been together nearly 12 years, married 7, this all started a week after our anniversary which was perfect in every way...he believed so too. So I believe this came out of the blue aND I'm shocked and hurt and horrified that he made plans to be with another woman. We have 3 littlget girls at home. It seriously feels like my life Is falling apart. He was taking zoloft but it made the thoughts of death worse...he says home isn't home, I think he thinks he loves this woman. He believes he is a horrible person. And just recently will not touch me tell me he loves me nothing. This has been so extreme the last month that I have lost 20 pounds and my axoety has gotten so bad that I have had to start medication again.

What do y'all do when you explain what you need, and it just makes things worse?

My husband of one year, who I love with all my heart, has been very dark lately (I call his deepest days of depression "dark" days). So, I've been scouring these support pages, all of which say to tell the depressed love one if there is something you need, because you're human, too. I tried that, but it caused a huge fight, which only ended when I apologized for going with the advice of the support groups I found online, to which he basically responded in a dismissive, "That's OK," the tone of which said to me, "I forgive the mistake you made by needing anything."

Does this sort of blame for being human get heaped on any other Supporters out there? Or maybe I'm just presenting my needs poorly.

Ha. I got snapped at tonight by stating that I "needed to do my laundry." I retaliated and that was a big mistake. It gets a little old walking on eggshells when wanting to have a conversation about something we disagree on.

Exactly I was asked if I was ok today, I seemed off. Then he asked me who I was talking to on facebook. But when I ask him what's wrong or who he is talking to it then end of the world and he feels like he is being watched...well if you didn't cheat on me via text I wouldn't be wqtching.....eggshell is an understatment.