Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Tonight I skipped class to stay home. He was angry, throwing stuff, screaming at the TV, a bad night.
So... I asked him what's wrong? He hates it here is the answer. So... What do I do? We have been having this conversation for 3 years. It's not new news, we want to move. So I say "let's make a plan and move". This pushed him over the edge... This is when I decided to stay home. I am scared for his well being.
I walked back in the house, he changed and said he was leaving. Why I asked? He needs to drive, shall we go together? No, what wrong, talk to me. Here he blows up! He tried to talk to me! But I tried to fix the issue not listen and be here for him. I just tried to fix and get rid of the problem. He is lonely here, he doesn't fit in here, he has no friends. I listened... And then I said "I'm sorry honey, let's look at moving right now.". This isn't what he wanted me to say. That's fine, but I don't feel like he should act like I did something wrong. I didn't do anything wrong!
He said he just has to remember he has no one to listen to him. What? I have spent the last 2 weeks letting him come to me hen he is ready to talk... He spoke and we did well. Or so I thought.
What in the world am I suppose to do? I am so baffled! Am I a horrible person who can't listen when someone needs to vent? I feel like I am doing what makes sense.
I am so confused! And really just so sad :(. I just want to cry with brownies in my lap and Steel Magnolias on TV.
I should have gone to class...
So... I asked him what's wrong? He hates it here is the answer. So... What do I do? We have been having this conversation for 3 years. It's not new news, we want to move. So I say "let's make a plan and move". This pushed him over the edge... This is when I decided to stay home. I am scared for his well being.
I walked back in the house, he changed and said he was leaving. Why I asked? He needs to drive, shall we go together? No, what wrong, talk to me. Here he blows up! He tried to talk to me! But I tried to fix the issue not listen and be here for him. I just tried to fix and get rid of the problem. He is lonely here, he doesn't fit in here, he has no friends. I listened... And then I said "I'm sorry honey, let's look at moving right now.". This isn't what he wanted me to say. That's fine, but I don't feel like he should act like I did something wrong. I didn't do anything wrong!
He said he just has to remember he has no one to listen to him. What? I have spent the last 2 weeks letting him come to me hen he is ready to talk... He spoke and we did well. Or so I thought.
What in the world am I suppose to do? I am so baffled! Am I a horrible person who can't listen when someone needs to vent? I feel like I am doing what makes sense.
I am so confused! And really just so sad :(. I just want to cry with brownies in my lap and Steel Magnolias on TV.
I should have gone to class...
I know you're right. I am just really struggling with this one. Maybe I'm not giving him what he wants as far as that goes... But I try. He has plenty of things that he could help me with too, trust me. I'm not trying to be a horrible person or anything... I love him and he's wonderful. But I hold all our pieces together. Without me we would not have anything. If this is something I don't do well enough, talk with me about it and help me be better. And also, acknowledge that I do everything else for us. I feed him, clothe him, clean everything, work full time, so maybe I didn't do this one thing well... Just kindly tell me that you need me to help and be better at this. Dont storm off. Ugh...
I am so nice with his short comings. He can't look for work again because he is stressed about the holidays. And so many more...
I promise I'm not cold hearted but can't he see that if this is something I'm doing wrong and I'm asking for help
In being better... Isn't that good enough? Wouldn't most people help me here? And wouldn't most people see that they could help in other ways too?
Last night when he came home I asked what happened. I get that he I angry but nothing was wrong with us. We were fine and then it gets taken out on me. I remind him that I am sorry for trying to fix the problem and not just listen to it. So why is he angry?
He said he can't get mad because he feels like a jerk when I get sad about it. Well... I'm not sad and crying because you're upset. I'm sad and crying because you're screaming at the TV and breaking things in my home. I'm sad and crying because you're scaring me. Imsad and crying because I love you and I don't want you harmed. I explain this to him. It angers him still... He says he can't talk with me about these things because I make him look like the irrational one so he can't win. He even admitted he might be irrational but can't handle that right now.
So it's a new day. We slept. He's still sleeping.
I just... Don't get it. If I were a jerk and said leave me alone I don't care or screw you or any number I things... Be mad, but I just offered somewhere to focus our attention.., let's move let's work on that right now. If that's not what he wants that is fine.... But simply say that don't flip out! Say I just need to be sad about this and I will say ok. I will hold him and we will watch tv and we will mope. I am more than willing to do that. But Im not superwoman! I don't know what he's thinking every time he's sad. So please don't be furious with me when I go down the wrong path. I put the car in reverse to take the new pass and then he turned into the Hulk and threw me off the road so now I'm climbing up a huge mountain to find his road again.
Oh man!
Please let there be peace today