Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I have noticed during my time on this support group that a lot of us experience some of the same issues regarding our loved ones depression but there is one topic I have never seen mentioned on here that I deal with regarding my husbands depression/anxiety and I want to know if I'm the only one.
I'm referring to self medication. Specifically alcohol in my spouses case.
My husband has always been a drinker but lately it seems to be getting worse. As some of you may know, he was put on celexa last year and he is prescribed anxiety meds to use as needed when his anxiety is bad. For the past several months he has been doing well and I've been happy with the changes I've seen in him. Unfortunately over the past month I've also noticed his drinking has increased back to what it was before he was medicated. To give an example.... I noticed last night he went through a handle of rum in a weeks time not to mention a big bottle of this specialty egg nog he likes. Long story short, when I pointed it out, he was in complete denial, first claiming that he has had the bottle longer than I said. Which a bank statement and my own memory of when he brought them home tells me otherwise. He try's to rationalize the drinking by saying things like his back hurts, he had a bad day, or my favorite.... He's been feeling really anxious all week and doesn't want to become dependent on his anxiety meds. I always reply "so how is becoming dependent on alcohol any better?" I mean this is a conversation we've been having on and off for the past few years and just like when I tried talking to him about his depression in the beginning, he's in complete denial and makes excuses for everything. Its so frustrating because I feel like I spent years convincing him he needed to get help for depression and anxiety. Then he got help, got better, and now this is one more thing I have to tackle and convince him there's a problem. It's never ending.
I understand this may be a little off topic for a depression support group but I have really come to love talking to all of you and I figured since its depression related, maybe I'm not the only one who is dealing with this negative result.
I'm referring to self medication. Specifically alcohol in my spouses case.
My husband has always been a drinker but lately it seems to be getting worse. As some of you may know, he was put on celexa last year and he is prescribed anxiety meds to use as needed when his anxiety is bad. For the past several months he has been doing well and I've been happy with the changes I've seen in him. Unfortunately over the past month I've also noticed his drinking has increased back to what it was before he was medicated. To give an example.... I noticed last night he went through a handle of rum in a weeks time not to mention a big bottle of this specialty egg nog he likes. Long story short, when I pointed it out, he was in complete denial, first claiming that he has had the bottle longer than I said. Which a bank statement and my own memory of when he brought them home tells me otherwise. He try's to rationalize the drinking by saying things like his back hurts, he had a bad day, or my favorite.... He's been feeling really anxious all week and doesn't want to become dependent on his anxiety meds. I always reply "so how is becoming dependent on alcohol any better?" I mean this is a conversation we've been having on and off for the past few years and just like when I tried talking to him about his depression in the beginning, he's in complete denial and makes excuses for everything. Its so frustrating because I feel like I spent years convincing him he needed to get help for depression and anxiety. Then he got help, got better, and now this is one more thing I have to tackle and convince him there's a problem. It's never ending.
I understand this may be a little off topic for a depression support group but I have really come to love talking to all of you and I figured since its depression related, maybe I'm not the only one who is dealing with this negative result.
Drinking is a depressant and will make him worse, it's a shame he doesn't know this. You need to put across that you aren't trying to nag him or anything, but you are genuinely concerned and only want the best for his health. Please keep me up to date and I hope he listens to your concerns. Stay strong x
If you got him there once maybe you can get him there again.
I do agree you should do something... Mention to him it's really no different than meds like you say. And the meds are meant to help, alcohol isn't. Get him on a good day where you can have a rational discussion with him (I know these are few an far between with our depressed ones). But try to talk with him on a day like that so he at least hears you. You may need to intervene still but at least it won't catch him off guard- you would have essentially given him a warning.
It's hard this thing we do. And it's not fair and it's just downright ugly sometimes.. But there's a reason we have decided to keep doing it. Somewhere in that depressed pile of a person we continue to see a person who we love. And we keep going. I dont know what the future holds for all of us but I know you are trying your best to help him. So those times when it's do tiring Ski... Stop. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself you don't have to do this. And it will rejuvenate you. Whether you need to take care of you for awhile, refocus on him with more force, or simply kick back. Whatever you need in that moment- do it. It's the only thing that'll keep us going ;)
You're amazing- remember that. You deserve to be taken care of. :)
I have tried talking to him about it many, many times. He's just in suh denial. When I pointed out the other day he went through two handles in a week he said "no it's been about two weeks." Which still isn't good. I feel like it gets to the point where like anything else, he's not going to stop or slow down until he wants to. I feel like all I can do at this point is to do what I've been doing and keep telling him to slow down. I don't drink much at all but I've even gotten to where I don't want to purchase any alcohol myself, even if it's just wine because I don't want to be a bad influence. I definitely don't buy it for him.
Luckily for me, he's never been abusive and generally isn't an angry drunk. I've just learned to adapt to it and not mention anything serious when he's drinking because it's iffy how it'll affect his mood, and let me tell you, arguing with a drunk is absolutely pointless.
So thanks everyone for listening. Im hoping that eventually hell listen to me.
Do you think that might work for him?
the thing is tat i must marry this guy !! i just hate him with all i have ! never actually hated anyone this much !! i feel hatred towars him ! i m gonna be engaged in a week !! this is haunting my days !! i m not able to find peace , breathe or even smile or cry !! i feel helpless n alone !!
been dealing with this shit for two months !! i m generally the happiest person ik , but now, i feel too low !!
can someone pls help me !! i feel depressed !! feel like running away or jumping off a building !! pls help !!