Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I have a fear. A big one.
Those of you who've been on the board for awhile know me and my situation. But basically I fully support and take care of my very depressed partner. He won't seek medical help for it- doesn't believe in it. So much more than all that- but that's the long story short.
Often times he gets fixated on various things... Things he wants to buy to take his mind off his depression. The second he gets what he wants he completely loses interest in it. It's not longer alluring to him. He doesn't work or have any income- and yet he talks about all the things he wants to buy all the time. I don't make much and I can't/ won't buy him most things. Usually I spend on US to make both of us happy.
As many of you know he wants to move. We live in my hometown and he "hates" it. I commute to work to another town about 45 min away. It is a cheaper not as clean place to live. Not bad- just not as nice as my hometown. I however have to consider making a change to a cheaper situation when my lease is up. I will need to have money to pay student loans. He will be furious if I cut cable. He will be furious if we move to a cheaper town. Basically I am saying that I know a storm is brewing. I dread it!!! I dread it for so many reasons!!!
He's been talking a lot about leaving me to set up our life somewhere else- why doesn't he? He is too scared and not willing to work that hard to fully support us as well as i do. And I am fully against it without having a foolproof plan.
I fear I am just buying time. I love him, I know he loves me. But he is miserable so often. The things I offer him to be happier are nice place to live, nice comfort level, and me. If I have to dock some of that comfort soon- how will he take that? Not well I fear. I am beginning to be scared of this situation. It's fairly far in the future but my goodness- I shouldn't be scared of it. It's not like I am asking to make less or pay more- it's a situation. I shouldn't have fear of sharing a situation and problem solving it together.
I've been thinking of this for awhile and have just finally taken the time to formulate my words around it. Thank you all for listening! :)
Those of you who've been on the board for awhile know me and my situation. But basically I fully support and take care of my very depressed partner. He won't seek medical help for it- doesn't believe in it. So much more than all that- but that's the long story short.
Often times he gets fixated on various things... Things he wants to buy to take his mind off his depression. The second he gets what he wants he completely loses interest in it. It's not longer alluring to him. He doesn't work or have any income- and yet he talks about all the things he wants to buy all the time. I don't make much and I can't/ won't buy him most things. Usually I spend on US to make both of us happy.
As many of you know he wants to move. We live in my hometown and he "hates" it. I commute to work to another town about 45 min away. It is a cheaper not as clean place to live. Not bad- just not as nice as my hometown. I however have to consider making a change to a cheaper situation when my lease is up. I will need to have money to pay student loans. He will be furious if I cut cable. He will be furious if we move to a cheaper town. Basically I am saying that I know a storm is brewing. I dread it!!! I dread it for so many reasons!!!
He's been talking a lot about leaving me to set up our life somewhere else- why doesn't he? He is too scared and not willing to work that hard to fully support us as well as i do. And I am fully against it without having a foolproof plan.
I fear I am just buying time. I love him, I know he loves me. But he is miserable so often. The things I offer him to be happier are nice place to live, nice comfort level, and me. If I have to dock some of that comfort soon- how will he take that? Not well I fear. I am beginning to be scared of this situation. It's fairly far in the future but my goodness- I shouldn't be scared of it. It's not like I am asking to make less or pay more- it's a situation. I shouldn't have fear of sharing a situation and problem solving it together.
I've been thinking of this for awhile and have just finally taken the time to formulate my words around it. Thank you all for listening! :)
big changes like that are difficult for folks who are well adjusted and balanced, much less ones who suffer from emotional issues. As you have already anticipated, I'm sure this will cause him stress whatever your decision turns out to be. However, it is your decision to make as you are the one working and paying the bills. Nothing wrong with discussing these potential changes with him to allow him to express his opinion, but ultimately it is up to you to do what is best for you.
I hope only the best for you and your husband. If living in your hometown is really important to you, then that should be your priority. If it means no cable for a while, so be it. More incentive for him to get out and do other things.
I'm glad you took a look back at where you were a year ago. I think it is important to keep track of where we've been so we can keep track of where we're going. In the end, what will happen is what was supposed to happen. Stay strong my friend and never forget to take care of yourself each and every day.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate the help and support.
It's one of those things that I know would go okay on one of those days where he is rational and reasonable. On a day where he is not- it'll go terribly.
I do have to remember to take care of me- I have been I just can't forget which is so easy to do sometimes.
Thank you again Nappy :)