Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Oh life and all the wonders it brings. Does anyone out there feel the same as me?
You see... So often when he is depressed I am just in shock by what he says. "life is terrible". "nothing could be worse than this". "why does no one else suffer what I have to suffer?"
I just don't understand fully... And I know that everyone is different so no one fully understands anyone else. But, there is a roof over our heads and food in our fridge and overall most people would be happy in this situation. There are lots of options for us and we get to choose them. But so often he acts like if he isn't making moviestar money it isn't fair... Well welcome to the 99%! Most people have to work and people who are lucky enough to be stable are fortunate! We came from instability and have worke our way to stability. But... He doesn't work. I do. He wants things handed to him on a silver platter. I love him so dearly but he doesn't like to work too hard. It's a fear thing for him. He is scared to fail or to disappoint. So... Here we are. I just wish he could be grateful for all he has. But you can't say that to someone when they're depressed because it'll cause fury. And having that conversation with them on a better day will send them back into that depression and none of us want that!
Things have been tough again here. I've been okay at keeping my calm... Could be better, could be worse. I've been really suggesting therapy for him again- he is dead set against it. I feel the above conversation would go best in a therapy session.
Not really much news. I just wanted to say hi :). The boards have been quiet and I know from the past when I get on and need support the more I can read here the better :). It's so cleansing for me :)
Hugs to all!
You see... So often when he is depressed I am just in shock by what he says. "life is terrible". "nothing could be worse than this". "why does no one else suffer what I have to suffer?"
I just don't understand fully... And I know that everyone is different so no one fully understands anyone else. But, there is a roof over our heads and food in our fridge and overall most people would be happy in this situation. There are lots of options for us and we get to choose them. But so often he acts like if he isn't making moviestar money it isn't fair... Well welcome to the 99%! Most people have to work and people who are lucky enough to be stable are fortunate! We came from instability and have worke our way to stability. But... He doesn't work. I do. He wants things handed to him on a silver platter. I love him so dearly but he doesn't like to work too hard. It's a fear thing for him. He is scared to fail or to disappoint. So... Here we are. I just wish he could be grateful for all he has. But you can't say that to someone when they're depressed because it'll cause fury. And having that conversation with them on a better day will send them back into that depression and none of us want that!
Things have been tough again here. I've been okay at keeping my calm... Could be better, could be worse. I've been really suggesting therapy for him again- he is dead set against it. I feel the above conversation would go best in a therapy session.
Not really much news. I just wanted to say hi :). The boards have been quiet and I know from the past when I get on and need support the more I can read here the better :). It's so cleansing for me :)
Hugs to all!
I HATE how she can never look on the brightside or appreciate what she has. But if she could she wouldn't have depression would she? She used to be so ambitious but she has become so lazy. She doesn't want to work for anything and wants it all right away. She has no patience and it comes across as incredibly spoiled. It's very embarrassing when it happens in front of other people.
We haven't had a fight in a long time, which is mostly due to me getting better at controlling my reactions to her outbursts and incredibly hurtful accusations. It's a mostly thankless job and to be completely honest, I often feel more like a butler or nurse, than a husband.
I just hope that when our baby is born (coming July 2014!!) she'll finally be able to be happy about something. But I'm already worried she'll get stuck in postpartum and then I'll have 2 babies to take care of.
"I just wish he could be grateful for all he has. But you can't say that to someone when they're depressed because it'll cause fury. And having that conversation with them on a better day will send them back into that depression and none of us want that! "
That hit so close to home. I still haven't found the right formula for dealing with this when it happens exactly like you described it.
I hate that it makes me feel better to see someone going through the same thing, but I guess that's kinda what this is for right?
I cannot speak directly to what you are going through b/c my wife does not display the same depressed symptoms. However, just curious if you have/are seeing a therapist to work through what you are going through? I did find this very helpful although I kind of fell off my regular schedule this month. Need to make this my New Year's resolution to pick back up next year.
Luke, I also hope the best for you as well. I so much relate to what you are going through more for obvious reasons. Please don't take this the wrong way, but be careful of your expectations of her behavior changing for the better after the baby is born. It may happen (which would be great and I'd be so happy for you both), but could also stay the same of potentially get worse. Certainly nothing to worry about as there is really nothing you can do about it.
The more I think about it, the more I think of my wife and I having a child was something that ultimately may have caused her depression to worsen. I think about it from time to time but try not to dwell on it as it is not productive.
Take care and Happy Holidays to you all.
Thank you all for your responses :) I appreciate the support immensely. It is nice to know how much my situation is similar to other people's situations. I know what you mean... although you don't want anyone else to go through this same difficult thing it is so comforting to know we are not alone :)
It is a loop... I do wonder how much of an excuse it is at times... depression. However, I am not saying I am not validating his depression. It is real and it is true. However, I think maybe he is scared to get help because he is scared to not be depressed? I am just more so analyzing what I am reading here from others and putting it into context.
I have definitely thought of counseling often. In fact I have a counselor on my favorites bookmarked who I believe would work well for us. And for me.
Thank you all :)