Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Im on the verge of giving in. In so many ways. He wants a computer. I could open a credit card at apple and get one. Although my computer is over 10 years old and randomly turns off... He has three computers he has crashed in 3 years and 2 older than that.
He doesn't work. But he claims he would start if he gets this computer. He said this last spring. I spent over $1000, it's dusty in the corner.
Why would I get this? I need a computer so badly. I work full time and need my computer for that and I go to school full time and need a computer for that. I can really only count on my computer at work for these things because mine is so old and beat up. Nothing is compatible to my home computer because the programming is so old.
This isn't even the point, the point is I go without all the time for him! I shouldn't do that I know this. But he is fixated and angry.
I know i am writing on this message board like it is my journal. I have a journal but I don't want to go into depth on these things within it because at some point he might read it or something.
I'm right, right?
I love him and I want him happy. But I will be so jealous and depressed if he gets a new computer and I do not, especially when I am paying for it!
I've got to stay strong, I just do. It's that time where we will both feel better in the moment but if he doesn't make money with this I will be so upset I wouldn't be able to stand it. I cannot fall into a depression about this. I have to stay strong, like finnmom said. He has 2 broken legs of depression and could not even begin to deal with me or help me if I am depressed too. And I'm fine now. Just sitting here with a depressed man.
I really want a manicure.
Hmmmm... I can't express how much this site has helped. I feel immensely better since I came here
He doesn't work. But he claims he would start if he gets this computer. He said this last spring. I spent over $1000, it's dusty in the corner.
Why would I get this? I need a computer so badly. I work full time and need my computer for that and I go to school full time and need a computer for that. I can really only count on my computer at work for these things because mine is so old and beat up. Nothing is compatible to my home computer because the programming is so old.
This isn't even the point, the point is I go without all the time for him! I shouldn't do that I know this. But he is fixated and angry.
I know i am writing on this message board like it is my journal. I have a journal but I don't want to go into depth on these things within it because at some point he might read it or something.
I'm right, right?
I love him and I want him happy. But I will be so jealous and depressed if he gets a new computer and I do not, especially when I am paying for it!
I've got to stay strong, I just do. It's that time where we will both feel better in the moment but if he doesn't make money with this I will be so upset I wouldn't be able to stand it. I cannot fall into a depression about this. I have to stay strong, like finnmom said. He has 2 broken legs of depression and could not even begin to deal with me or help me if I am depressed too. And I'm fine now. Just sitting here with a depressed man.
I really want a manicure.
Hmmmm... I can't express how much this site has helped. I feel immensely better since I came here
What if I get the computer and he starts making lots of money? That would be awesome!
Hmmmm....
Not depressed! He is, I love him and I'm smiling at him! Might start my muffins soon :)
Chocolate chips would make those even better though.... Haha
However, I have to ask... Does it feel more like he is your child than your partner at these times? It seems like such a parental role to play. I think it's a great idea overall and I will definitely try it! But, I just wonder if I am wrong in feeling like at this point he is not my partner? I love him, I want him to be him again.
A goal... That's what we will set. We haven't talked in over 4 hours. He's staring mindlessly at the tv and my kitchen in sparkling :). Flowers come next. I think I'm going to paint my kitchen... I've been wanting to so badly. It will be nice to have a fresh coat in here :).
I only haven't because I spend the money on him.
I will mop the floor and then go outside to plant :) its a beautiful autumn day and I hate to waste it.
But hopefully when I come in we can set the goal together.
I wonder... What if I set the goal backwards. Maybe if I buy the computer now and he pays me back with the money he makes? I've never put that pressure on him making money... But maybe it would get him working immediately if he gets what he wants immediately?
I don't see him working to help pay for it, he's trying to get his mom to get him one for Christmas. (he's a grown man) but his family does extravagant gifts like this... It's not out of the question for him to wait and be angry until his mom gets it for him fr Christmas. I suppose I will put more thought into what I want out of this before I proposition the goal. But I will, I think it's the best option :).
Thank you workerbee!
I will say he is grateful I do them... It's all me and I'm good with it, I just wish he wouldn't get upset about not getting something he wants. It's something I have tried to understand but is so far from my understanding. For so long I couldn't afford to buy him anything... We could barely eat. Now I can slightly afford things I told him we could get one fun thing a month. Be it a dinner date, a movie, a game, etc... I told him he could pick. He wants more. I don't think I thought beyond this material desire he has. I didn't realize that it's just a thing for him to focus his attention and his blame for his depression. It makes him happy for a few hours and then he moves on. I want those happy hours so I have been lightly filling this desire for him. But I can't keep it up. It is such a temporary fix.
You are right about leaving him simple tasks. I am so nervous sometimes to leave him a list when I go to work because it at times will overwhelm him and frustrate him. I have to start small. I am good at being positive about the wonderful things he does... I just have to figure out how to make him happier.
I have to set these goals with him like you both have said. I am scared he will be hurt or it will be too overwhelming for him. I have been playing out these conversations in my mind... It's difficult. I love him so much, I miss him when he is in these funks... It's happening more and more often. I know it's his anxiety too. He is so scared and nervous and that inhibits him from doing things which in turn depress him... It's a vicous cycle. I wish I knew what would make him happy and comfortable. I would do it in a heart beat! I am sure we all feel this way.... I love him. It's so hard to see him so sad