I don't think it matters what age the family member is when they come down with any form of dementia. The prognosis is the same, it's just a lot sadder when it happens to someone so young. Watching our loved ones slowly slip away and become shells of their former selves is heart wrenching.

It's such a shame. What form of dementia was she diagnosed with?

My mother is 68 and has had dementia for 5 years. I am 35 myself, and it kills me not to have my mother as an active part of my life. She is currently in the hospital, and her doctor is urging me to put her in a nursing home upon her release. The thought of doing that cuts through my soul. I am so lost at this point. Literally heartbroken...

Hello Suzyq23,
I totally understand your point of view. My father was diagnosed in September with dementia at the age of 67. We always knew it would come to this since he started showing the signs at an early age. His dementia was brought on by excessive drinking, which caused a thiamine deficiency in his brain.

Now we, my mom and I, are struggling to know when and how to go about putting him in a nursing care facility. While I do not live with them, I live next door and see the violent rages he goes into on a daily basis. I know this cannot continue but truly do not know when it is time to say when. I fear for my mom's safety, but many of the doctors say he is not advanced enough to make this decision. He cannot keep track of his own meds anymore and it is a fight to get him to take care of his basic cleanliness on a regular basis.

Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated. How did other families make the decision and at what point did it seem like the right time?

Thank you for your help!!

I have been struggling with my mom's diagnosis (diagnosed around 64/65, now 67). A lot of people say "Wow, she's young, I am so sorry". It really doesn't matter what the age ( I have heard some in their 50's get it). Age is no longer a factor in illnesses/diseases anymore. But with that being said, it is not easy regardless.

suzyq and cgr4-I made the gut-wrenching decision to put my mom in a nursing home (even had promised her years earlier I wouldn't) almost 2 years ago. And boy did she fight with me on it. Blamming me and putting a guilt trip on me constantly. But I had no choice. Between March 2010 and January 2015, her health was gradually getting bad (my stepdad died in 2010 and she basically let go of herself). She developed cognitive issues such as short term memory loss and behavior changes. She sometimes forgot that her husband died. She slipped into depression. She didn't keep up with the bills and eventually had to move in with me and my husband for awhile (BIG mistake). Was able to move her into an apartment close by. She got somewhat better with the depression, but her short term memory was getting worse. She wouldn't eat right anymore and then starting having more health problems. Between late 2014 into January of 2015, she kept falling (her legs were kind of like Jello). Late January 2015, she fell good enough to go to the hospital to make sure she didn't have a brain bleed. After they ran some tests, they decided to keep her because of other issues. She stayed in the hospital for about a month. She got so weak, she couldn't stand up without the assistance of 2 nurses. She got better and they released her to go to rehab, After 16 days, the social worker said they didn't feel comfortable sending her home by herself. So with tears in my eyes and a feeling like I was betraying her, I agreed to a nursing home. That is when she thought her life is over (still does think that). She was eventually diagnosed with mild Dementia with paranoia and other cognitive issues that make daily living difficult for her. Her disease is slightly progressing with more repeativeness and paranoia as well as not be able to tell reality from "make believe" sometimes. But she still does know a lot of things and is still alert when she feels well.

With all that said, after taking care of her for 5 years and wearing myself down and felt like I was neglecting my marriage, I knew that I had to do something. It's not exactly a win win situation, but my mom is being taken care of (more than I could). I still doubt it sometimes, but you have to do what you have to do. And also look at what could happen if your loved one if they are left alone. Yes, it could stress you out, but knowing what could happen verses preventing it from happening is having peace of mind. It's still not easy and could be lots of fights in the beginning, but you get the chance to actually love them for a change. I hope this helps ya'll.

My Mom started showing signs of dementia in her mid 50s. We had a business together and she'd take orders with no instructions and no due dates. Clients loved to deal with her because she was so friendly but they didn't like the fact that their stuff didn't get done when she said it would. She is the 3rd generations with dementia although the other 2 (her Mom & Grandma) were in their 70s.

My biggest fear is she'll live as long as her Mom did (91) and she just turned 74. My Dad is dying and the stress on her is causing the memory to degrade even more which is terrible to watch. It's just such a horrible waste, there were things she wanted to do she never got to do. It makes me so sad.

At this point Mom needs 24/7 supervision, someone to cook and clean and make sure she's cared for. I cannot be that person. I kills me how many people think I'm going to quit my business and become her 24/7 caregiver. Then I'd have no life and that's not going to happen. My sister and I have ideas/plans for after Dad is gone. We'd like to keep her in her home of 47 years for as long as possible. Her sister cared for their Mom and wants to help care for her so that's a plus. My aunt is convinced that if we move Mom out of her home we'll lose her, which I agree with but a large part of me wonders if that wouldn't be better. Mom constantly tells me that she doesn't understand dying a little bit at a time.

Regardless of age of onset, this is hard on everyone around the patient.

Hello 4Jesus,

Thank you for your response. We are facing putting my father in a memory care facility before the end of the year. His drs are suggesting this since he is starting to become aggressive with my mom, who is his caregiver, and also sun-downing more and more. He sleeps on average of16-20 hours a day and will not listen to anything we try to do to help him.

I think this is worse on the caregivers than the patients. Once they reach a certain point they do not know what is happening, but we have to struggle with the decisions of when enough is enough. It is so sad and hard to watch the caregiver struggle.

Good luck to everyone who is also struggling with these decisions.

It is very hard on the caregivers. It seems like a never ending struggle and watching someone you love not being able to take care of themselves anymore. You grow up watching them and admiring them, learning from them and experiencing a special kind of bond/love. When you basically have to become the parent, it's mentally, emotionally and physically draining. But when you see them having a good day and see a glimps of who they once were, it's a bittersweet moment that you should cherish. Instead of thinking how much it "sucks", be grateful you are able to do this.

Yes. My sister is in my care at the ripe old age of 54.