Dementia Support Group

Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly affected areas may be memory, attention, language and problem solving, although particularly in the later stages of the condition, affected persons may be disoriented in time, place and person (not knowing who they...

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Truhal 08/20/2015

Okay, my dad had surgery to remove a cancerous growth in his colon. They got it all and it did not spread. He's still in the hospital, but can't wait to come home. He has dementia and I can't live with him. I've tried in the past and he just makes life there so unlivable that you leave. Then he'll tell you he did it so that you would leave.

Basically, the social worker said that they want to send dad home with nursing care coming in to see to him. They picture me being able to help, but I need to work and I have my own health problems.

So, my question: How did you get your loved one in a care facility. The last thing I want is for my dad to come home and be unable to take care of himself and end up injured or worse. I know him well enough to know that he'll get rid of the nurse and end up there all by himself. I don't have power of attorney nor do I have the money to pursue it.

annettearizona 08/21/2015

depending on his insurance of where you can place him...usually hospitals will point the direction if it is a short term rehab place he needs

pd2012 08/24/2015

Talk to the social worker involved at the hospital and insist that he can not come home on the assumption that you are going to be involved in his daily care because you work. He/She will come up with a different plan. I don't know what his financial situation is but either any funds he has will be used up by a NH and then he falls into state care or his funds are used for round the clock care at home. Let the social worker come up with a plan for you.

Sometimes, you have to push them to do what you want done. Don't back down either.

pd2012 08/24/2015

I'll tell you Truhal, the hospital tried to do this to my mother and I when my father had his last stroke. She was 82 at the time and taking care of a dementia patient full time at home was overwhelming for her. His slips/falls, outbursts were a nightmare. I went into the hospital, talked to the social worker and asked her to work with me on my father's future care BECAUSE, it was not happening that he was going to simply be released to an 82 year woman's care! Ridiculous notion and very callous by the hospital staff!

jazzkeys 08/26/2015

I live in Canada, I called social services. They came and saw my mom was demented and possibly had Alzheimers, she was also paranoid. They sent help. The rest mom did, by not letting them in, calling the police numerous times claiming I was being torrured, when I was at work etc,,,, They placed her. The first thing is to take him to the hospital, they will help you from there. Let them know the situation. Make sure you have all your POA's in order or you will have trouble doing it after he's been declared ...... I hate the word.

Truhal 08/28/2015

Dad's in rehab now and doing better. It is temporary, so I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I sleep easier. I still don't have POA because dad has always been too paranoid. I'm not worried about it. He has no assets, but his pension and social security is good enough to find someplace for him. I'm just hoping I can pull it off coming out of rehab. Sometimes he sounds almost normal, so it is even possible he can go back home. Either way, I'm making it known that I can't move in with him.

annettearizona 08/30/2015

check with the rehab place counselors and see if they can assist you in finding a place for him to head to after he is released there-they know more about what is out there than the normal person

jazzkeys 09/06/2015

if you speak to a social worker or his Doctor, the doctor can have your dad transferred directly into a nursing home or assisted living. My friend's doctor did that for her, he said she would get sick if her mother came home. In your case it's your dad. Have a talk with his doctor, he can do this for you. You can visit him as often as you want then.

Truhal 09/06/2015

Thanks for your suggestions on what to do about my dad. He's still in rehab and improving, remembering people and understanding more complex things. He still forgets things and only scores about 40 percent on memory test. He'd been telling the staff that I live with him. I corrected that and now they say that a social worker will be assigned to the case to make sure he is in a nursing home or can take care of himself at home.

I wish it could be different. It was my original plan to care for both parents at home. I was able to do that for mom, but dad is just to difficult and I must consider my own health.

jazzkeys 09/09/2015

Don't feel guilty, it's easy to say I did for years and still do. But, my health is finally improving after 6 years, mom has been placed for 2 years now. I visit her twice a week, sometimes once. It hurts me that she has to be there, but NOW i know she has to be. I could never have survived had I kept her at home.

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