Dementia Support Group

Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly affected areas may be memory, attention, language and problem solving, although particularly in the later stages of the condition, affected persons may be disoriented in time, place and person (not knowing who they...

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/ Dementia Support Group

How do I talk with my Father?

CLU
CLU

My father is 87 and when I saw him in October he had times of confusion but in the past 2 months is saying things that aren't true. Not sure who his wife is. Talks about wanting to drive his truck. The biggest problem is I live 1000 miles away and even though I know things have changed a lot I'm not sure what anyone has told him. His wife is "in control". I'm going to see him next weekend and I don't know what to say to him when he says he doesn't understand why he's losing periods of his life and that he doesn't understand why he can't get his strenght back. To be honest I'm afraid that I'll get upset in front of him. I just wish I knew what words i can say to comfort him.

Madonna
Madonna
My mom is in her seventies and lives with me. It is hard to watch as your parent forgets parts of their lives. I know for my mom the best way to keep her moving forward is open communication - she doesn't feel threatened or belittled no matter what she says to me. We have built a trusting relationship that allows us to talk more openly than other siblings. 100 percent acceptance no matter where she is at that moment. Can you talk to his wife? Open communication between the two of you can help relieve some of your anxiety and probably hers as well.
NelliBC
NelliBC
This is clearly a hard time. I work with residents in a home who every day struggle with "losing periods of (their) life" and attempt to encourage their loved ones as they lose connectivity. The best thing you can do is to treasure what you have had with your father, be at peace around him, validate his concerns, and be with him in the moment. He will sense your peace and it will be a gift. Be expect, be prepared for the confusion, the loss, the disappointment by once again being thankful for the times you have shared in the past. Bring him in your conversations to the happier times in your youth, in his youth and you will connect, momentarily with him. And as "Madonna" suggested, develop a relationship with his wife. Be a team. I hope this helps.
NelliBC
NelliBC
Sorry, I just realized I skipped the part of you being 1000 miles away. There's' no easy answer for this. And it could be a very long and agonizing decline into dementia. Find a way to be at peace with your decision to be so far away. And visit as often as you can. So sorry for your situation.
Kaileybear
Kaileybear
See if his wife will set up facetime with him once a week or so. Dementia is incredibly hard and there isn't a right answer. However, I tend to just agree with my grandma who has dementia. I assure her she is loves and I'm here. The most important part is being positive about it. I'm also a student for SLP. I learn about dementia daily. It is best to do yes and no questions. Play their favorite music, it tends to bring things back. Use a name tag. Hopefully this helps.
Fanoz
Fanoz
Sometimes just being with them is enough.
I just joined this group and I wish the 25 years of Nursing experience had prepared me for my Mom's Lewy Body Dementia. She is now in a AL Memory care unit.
She cries so much that I cry then I get down and sad just thinking about it. Now I think the best thing for Mom is my presence, it seems to bring her comfort more than anything I buy for her, any place I take her or anything I say.