My mother is being very passive-aggressive, excessively demanding and needy, but silent when I want/need her to speak. So, it's a bit different from your situation. What we do have in common is stress in caring for loved ones who are no longer the people who they once were. It became too much for my father; he had two massive strokes before we lost him. To avoid the same fate, I have cut back on my visits to about two per week and have worked really hard to not take things too personally. I'm a work-in-progress on that front, but I've gotten better...and I'm feeling more sane these days. For the first time ever, I've even gone so far as to take a three-day "communication vacation" through the end of this week, i.e., no visits, no phone calls...and it's been wonderful! I know when I see her on Saturday, we'll both have benefited from this little break. We're on long, difficult journeys and need to pace ourselves, be kinder to ourselves and make time for self-care, and we need to not let our loved ones get under our skin as much. Making a few changes to reduce the stress helps our loved ones and ourselves. I'm practicing what I'm "preaching" here, and it's making a world of difference for me. Hope this helps! :-)

I think it's a matter of how much time you spend with her versus the siblings. It's always the one that's closest or does the most care that gets the most abuse. You can't change her but you can change how you react to her. Just remember that it's the disease talking, not her. This happens with dementia patients, they loose inhibitions and cross boundaries that they normally wouldn't.

There's nothing humorous about that situation. Your step-father may find it easier to laugh things off in a stressful situation rather than having a confrontation.

sadly it happens-but they don't realize their actions..all we can do is tell others that they have this disease and try to let their actions and words run off of us like water on a ducks back

It still hurts me so much when my mom accuses me. I try so hard not to let it get to me, but when I get home, her words cut into me.

Thank you everyone, I actually stayed away for a week, not to punish her but to have a good think myself, I felt so guilty doing this though and when I called in and saw her, it started again, my step father is a huge problem, he starts on about all the bad things going on in the world and that sets mum off, there is never any happy talk or positive talk it's all doom and gloom and it's depressing for me so I can only imagine what mum feels like, I've told him to back off with all the negatives and he just ignores me, I really feel it is taking it's toll on mum but she never says anything, she just sits there. It's a horrible thing to say but I despise my step father for his attitude to this disease, he is not open with us girls nor is he honest with mum's doctor and us girls have no medical contact with mums gp as he wouldn't give consent.

My father was like this also. Doom and Gloom all the time! My mother started adopting all his points of view! It took a long time after my father passed away to get her to talk about positive subjects.

Thank you PD2012 but my step father will never stop his negativity and unfortunately for my mother who is progressing fast with Dementia, I really don't think she'll ever get positive again :(

At least You can go home. I live with it 24/7. I care for My 85 yr. old Husband with Dementia. It's truly scary. I do remember My Mom treating Me bad & nobody else, She was never diagnosed with Dementia. It really hurt. We just have to trust God & keep going. One day at a time. No, it's not funny at all!

I understand how much it hurts. My husband was diagnosed in the last year with dementia hes 52 yrs old. Hes always been a man that has no care about who he hurts with his words. I would think after 29yrs of marriage I would be use to these things from him but now its worse with the disease process.
Before he had this diagnosis he was just generally verbally abusive to anyone he felt like treating that way. Now since I am his primary caregiver its always directed toward me. I have coped by going to a therapist that is aware of the situation and she is very supportive. I also try to make some time fore myself just to do nice things for myself to not let all the hurt get to me.
Im so sorry you have to go threw this.... Walking away and taking some time to just remind yourself that its the disease talking is all you can do.

Goodtogo, my husband was the same as yours. He was DX with leweybody at 58. He had a heart attack 10months ago, and is now on hospice. He too would say such hurtful things, I feel like if his lips are moving he's lying. The truth is he believes it all. There is no fixing it now, he's too far gone. I spend way too many hours wondering why I stayed for 42 years. He has started playing grab ass with the hospice people. That doesn't hurt I know it's the dementia, his words do hurt. Sorry I guess this is not uplifting or helpful. Just know I understand your pain.

reading all the comments here, I can relate with yours and all they wrote also. how much we all have in common to share. all of it is scary. frustrating. and how much we all feel helpless same time. you do have to set some boundaries, and knowing way to late, please take care of you going thru this... some thng the care taker or spouse does not do til to late. I am not sure the one receiving the cutting words and put downs ever get use to it, or it stops hurting. some how we just go thru each day...and try to hold on to what ever we can. but I know now, I needed to put myself first more often...rather it being the hubby verbal abuse or from parents . I am paying for it now is so many ways. I thought I had to keep this stuff all inside as care taker or being married. that was a mistake. what I learned from all of this to this day. now retired, divorced for some yrs and both parents gone? I do matter !!!!!!!! if to know one else I matter to me. so once in great while, I treat me. maybe special hair day. (let someone else color my hair LOL) or a real treat is how good a massage makes me feel. fixed in come these are big wonderful treats. but how I look forward to this. so that week u take away from who ever u care for, or need a break. make that week extra special. maybe before that next visit, you see a movie or have meal out. talk about that to start conversation. try to keep positive, some how. as hard as it is. but from someone who is looking back. put yourself first as much or often as you can. believe me this is a must. if just for one hour a week. u deserve it. and what ever they say or do it is not on you...it is the disease. they are now the child. hugs to you....share any time. but I sure feel your words.