Dementia Support Group
Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly affected areas may be memory, attention, language and problem solving, although particularly in the later stages of the condition, affected persons may be disoriented in time, place and person (not knowing who they...
My grandfather and grandmother have been staying with my mother since May. My grandfather has mild/severe dementia. Since his stay, his grandson of twenty-four years has passed away, his wife fell and now has severe medical conditions. His whole life has been turn upside down. My mother hired a caregiver for him because I had a hard time with him yelling at me and having to take care of his toliet needs. It was too much for me. Today he really yelled at me and scratched me. My mother his daughter calls and asks for help. I can't keep going over there and putting my health in jeopardy. I love my grandparents. I am the oldest grandchild. He needs to be in a memory care place that can help him, or my mom needs to have a caregiver that can deal with him full time. His son witnessed the whole thing this morning and did nothing to help me while his father was lashing out at his granddaughter, me.
The reason I told them that isn't because I think those types of places are okay. It's because I love my family. I didn't want to see them lose out on life to care for me. I enjoyed my life. Why shouldn't they enjoy theirs?
Another thing. Eventually I would die. Then what? No jobs for them. No friends. No spouse, etc. I'm dancing in Heaven and they're walking through hell here on earth? I don't think so. It's not fair to them.
My mom told me the same thing. Still, I did help her near the end, but she insisted I not give up my job or anything else. She was right. She'd given up her life to take care of her mom. She never asked me to lift a finger. It was her sacrifice to make, the way she saw it. When my grandmother was sick, I was a student in high school. Later I went to college, traveled the world, enjoyed my night life, boyfriends, marriage, etc. I was 30 when my grandmother passed. I'd enjoyed life as she had when she was my age.
Was it selfish? Perhaps. But we only have one life. One chance to enjoy what comes at the age you are.
So, my suggestion would be to tell your mom to get some help and live your life.
You talk about him yelling at you. When dealing with the elderly, especially dementia, we have to learn that words are just words and don't mean anything. There are tricks, like diversion, that help redirect the tirades. The physical is different. He probably needs medication or a meds change.
Sounds like your mother and her siblings need to do some talking. They need to figure out a plan to care for their parents in an appropriate setting that can provide medical, emotional and physical care.
I wish you the best of luck.
Why does your husband speak to you the way you describe? Does he have a mental illness? I cannot imagine why a sane person would speak to another this way. It sounds like you are a resourceful person so why not get a ladder or chair and change the lightbulb yourself? And if you took the garbage to the dump why do you feel the need to accuse him of hoarding? I'd really like to hear more about you and your issues, but in a new post so everyone can focus on you and not take away from Wacko's questions.
I do PT but still is not as good as before. Hard to lift arms past my shoulders.
I know everything goes both ways I am not perfect. But I say kind words and do kind things. Most of the time. Him --never. I never met his mom or dad so I can't say what happened if anything.to make him a mean person. He has no friends. His children will not speak to him.