Dementia Support Group
Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly affected areas may be memory, attention, language and problem solving, although particularly in the later stages of the condition, affected persons may be disoriented in time, place and person (not knowing who they...
My dad was diagnosed with dementia today. I've suspected it for some time, joining this group over a year ago. But it wasn't until today that we got a diagnoses. I'd been trying to get him to go to the doctor, but he refused. I think he knew what he had, but denial is a lovely place. He would say he had combat fatigue and that's why he had memory problems.
Now, I'm not sure what to do. Dementia patients become violent. He had a violent past, beating my mother until I was 16. Then he gave his life to Jesus and changed completely, becoming kind. I forgave him. Then about seven years ago he started changing back. i was surprised and terrified. Now I know why.
Needless to say, I've already had clashes with him where he has pushed me. He even threatened to beat me up, yet he never touched me in the past. Not even a spanking.
I'm scared. Scared for my father. Scared for the future that awaits me in 20 to 30 years. I don't have children. No one who'll know what to do for me in case something like this happens to me. Meanwhile, there's dad. I'll of course will have to stop working to take care of him. I have three years of nursing school training, so I know what to expect.
It's a death sentence, basically.
The doctor told me that I should move in with him. I tried that when my husband passed. Dad was 82 then and I felt as an only child he was my responsibility. Then came the arguments, the threats. And I moved out. Later he confessed that he picked the arguments to get rid of me.
Moving back is out of the question. I've had a mini stroke due to the high blood pressure I suffered as a result of dealing with him. I'd have to sleep with one eye open. So here we are.
This is one time I wish I wasn't an only child.
Now, I'm not sure what to do. Dementia patients become violent. He had a violent past, beating my mother until I was 16. Then he gave his life to Jesus and changed completely, becoming kind. I forgave him. Then about seven years ago he started changing back. i was surprised and terrified. Now I know why.
Needless to say, I've already had clashes with him where he has pushed me. He even threatened to beat me up, yet he never touched me in the past. Not even a spanking.
I'm scared. Scared for my father. Scared for the future that awaits me in 20 to 30 years. I don't have children. No one who'll know what to do for me in case something like this happens to me. Meanwhile, there's dad. I'll of course will have to stop working to take care of him. I have three years of nursing school training, so I know what to expect.
It's a death sentence, basically.
The doctor told me that I should move in with him. I tried that when my husband passed. Dad was 82 then and I felt as an only child he was my responsibility. Then came the arguments, the threats. And I moved out. Later he confessed that he picked the arguments to get rid of me.
Moving back is out of the question. I've had a mini stroke due to the high blood pressure I suffered as a result of dealing with him. I'd have to sleep with one eye open. So here we are.
This is one time I wish I wasn't an only child.
I couldn't quit my job, so I paid a friend who was unemployed to stay with her. It costed me my daily salary and more. Now she is in a nursing home and safe, and so am I. think about it. You are a precious human being and deserve a quality of life too.
Gentle Hugs to you.
You're right, Jazzkeys. I do have to have a life. I'm just trying to figure out how to do it. So far, I'm looking to relatives to help. I plan to go there and cook and see to his other daily needs. Then hopefully, social services can help out too and a maid service. I'm not in the best shape myself, but I'm getting there.
I tried to do it all. I couldn't quit working but cooked my mom's meals, put them on plates in the fridge, she would reheat them herself with the timer. I would call her at supper time. I worked until 10pm. Then
would call back to make sure she took the food out of the oven, in case she ignored the timer. After work, I would run straight over to her and find her food sitting on the counter , not eaten. Then I would make her something else. I was exhausted. She wouldn't eat.
Now in the home , they give her a supplement, Glucerna, this is a meal replacement. She is skin and bones but still very fiesty. I bring her snacks, things she likes, lots of extra water and her ginger ale, which she likes. She is still paranoid, and demented but they are taking pretty good care of her. I visit quite often, and she still recognizes me.