Dementia Support Group
Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly affected areas may be memory, attention, language and problem solving, although particularly in the later stages of the condition, affected persons may be disoriented in time, place and person (not knowing who they...
My mum is 66 years old and in what we thought was the early stages of Dementia, but in the last 6 months she has deteriorated quickly. My step father has been in denial until recently but still chooses to work full time leaving our mother alone all day.
My sister & I are finding it hard to cope emotionally as it is so hard to see our mother like this. I was wondering if there was anyone else in the same situation with a younger parent
My sister & I are finding it hard to cope emotionally as it is so hard to see our mother like this. I was wondering if there was anyone else in the same situation with a younger parent
Mum still showers herself and we will certainly get her all the help she needs when the time comes but it is time my step father stopped working, we feel he is still working so that he doesn't have to be with her 24/7, this is his "time out" which makes us girls very resentful. It's just so hard watching a woman who worked hard all her life, retire, and have this happen at a time when she should be enjoying life. We are slowly losing our mother and it's devastating
Yes, it's devastating to see a loved one decline at an age when they should still lead active, vibrant lives and, for me, the cogntive decline is more difficult to deal with than the physical. I can handle the latter but struggle daily with the former, always mourning the loss of my mother as she had once been.
For years, I didn't know what I was feeling but, when I read about "anticipatory grief," things made sense. Understanding my own emotional struggles made me a better caregiver, especially after my father also became terribly disabled from a massive stroke in 2012, physically and cognitively; it enabled me to view my relationship with each parent from a new and better prespective. Now that my father is no longer with us, and it's just my mother and I, and we're trying to make sense of our "new normal" and I try not to sweat the small stuff as I try to carve out special times for us for as long as we still have one another.
Without taking your step-father's side, let me just add that each of us handles grief, real or anticipatory, differently. Perhaps your step-father needs time to figure out his own feelings over the loss of a future as he and your mother had envisioned and to figure out how he will care for or pay for the care of your mother as her condition progresses. If he's not able to have a heart-to-heart with you and your sister yet, just let him know you'd like to talk when he's ready and, when the time is right, come together as a family to grieve and join forces to move forward together as a family.
Warm regards across the miles...
I am 37. My mother is 66 currently and showing major signs of dementia now too. She had had a stroke at 62 years old which left her partially paralyzed and lead to the dementia, I believe. I have two young daughters and I, too, am struggling to make sense of this all, too... You are not alone, and we all struggle day to day in our feelings on it all I've found. Some days I am very very sad, and others I am better able to manage the sadness and do for her all that I can. It's even harder when they are so young though and you feel like you're the only one in this predicament at this point in your life, I know. I guess I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry, and you're not alone, mostly though.