Dementia Support Group

Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly affected areas may be memory, attention, language and problem solving, although particularly in the later stages of the condition, affected persons may be disoriented in time, place and person (not knowing who they...

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Brain & Nervous System
/ Dementia Support Group

Convinced Home is coming for her

Wheekie
Wheekie
My Mom is convinced a certain nursing home is calling and says they're coming to get her. ( Its the same home she put her Dad in 30 years ago when he had the same condition she has; he was only there a month and he died so I think maybe on some level she feels guilty about it. It was a tough, bad situation and she did nothing wrong, but y'know how guilt can be! I call *69 and let her listen to the recording saying there have been no calls, I've shut the ringers off, even gone so far as to physically taking the phones out of the house,done my very best to convince her it's not true...nothing can convince her that it is not happening! Besides having to listen to this about 50x/day, along with it comes a rant about "How can I do this to her? and then she calls me every name in the book, uses language I didn't even know she knew! I know this is typical for dementia...the language, you can't convince them of anything...they have their own reality! I'm at the point now that when she starts, I just walk out of the house...nothing I say or do seems to make any difference! ( She's fine to be left alone! Fine physically,too! ) All I want is for this poor old woman is to live out her remaining time in peace, in her home of 58 years, surrounded by her own things, safe in her own bed. Does anybody have any suggestions as to how I can make her feel secure?! I've really exhausted every possibility that I can think of!
Tara1350
Tara1350
That's really difficult! I know that with people with dementia you're suppose to try to bring them back to reality, within reason and without making the situation worse. But have you tried 'playin along with it' rather than telling her its not true, try talking to her and make her feel like she's taking control of the situation and making he decisions? Do you think that'd work? I really don't know, I guess it's just trial and error until something works?
HCARD
HCARD
I had a similar problem, great aunt thought someone was calling to kick her out of house due to non- payment. House has been paid off for years. When I could not convince her other wise, I started picking up the phone (not ringing) say hello, listen a minute, then began to yell and carry on how she was not moving and I would call the police if they didn't stop calling. I was very animated. It took two times and she quit having that fear, delusion etc.
annettearizona
annettearizona
Perhaps you could ask her if she wants you to take her to that home so they can tell her that they don't have her as an incoming patient>..or better yet,contact that place and ask them to send your mother or you a letter to that fact?
carlamarie52
carlamarie52
Get a friend, whose voice she doesn't know, call her (you will be there) and tell her that she is sorry, but they don't have a room available for her. Make sure your friend is aware that there could be questions from your mother so she can be prepared for the right answers.
deleted_user
deleted_user
There is nothing you can do to change her mind. Her mind has been affected by the dementia and this is her reality. Even having someone call or send a letter won't work because she will either forget or just obsess about something else.

The best thing to do is acknowledge that you hear her, validate her concern and change the subject. So when she says this you say "Oh they called?" "I'm sure you are concerned about this but I love having you here with me" "What should we have for dinner tonight" It helps to have a bunch of topics to turn to, things that will grab her attention.

It's very hard to listen to these stories. I'm going through this with my mom right now and it is so hard to not correct her. But that would only upset her. So I listen and then find something else that might interest her to talk about.