Dementia Support Group

Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly affected areas may be memory, attention, language and problem solving, although particularly in the later stages of the condition, affected persons may be disoriented in time, place and person (not knowing who they...

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rbd58 05/29/2016

My Mom & I had a decent relationship up until about a year & ago Her problems started with not remembering the rules of the road when driving. Luckily she got scared when she made several mistakes & turned the driving over to me with no argument. She has gone downhill ever since. I finally got her to go see a neuropsychologist for testing & she has a appointment with her PCP in a week to go over the results of her evaluation. She believes that the doctor is going to tell her she has no memory deficit. I think she has dementia. The following are some of the things she has done or is doing.
1. Charred the inside of the microwave after making the mistake of running it for 9 minutes without any food inside. So very dangerous.
2. Hard time knowing if it is day or night.
3. Forgets which rooms in the house are what.
4. Hides her purse because she thinks someone is going to steal it.
5. Stopped taking showers because she can't seem to work the controls.
6. Always is talking about going to her home, even after I've told her this has been her home for the last 11 years.
7. Can be very mean & nasty when I confront her about anything to do with her memory.
8. Can't pay her own bills or remember to take her medication.
9. Has so many naps during the day because she can't sleep at night & spends a lot of the time walking around the house with her flashlight.
10. Looks through her purse at least once a day taking everything out, looking at the items, & then returning the items back into the purse.
11. Goes through her mail like it's so important (even though it's junk), puts it into piles, & then at the end, puts all back in one pile & throws it in the trash.
I am the only person in my family to take care of her so my personal life is non-existant. I have no friends, can't leave her alone to go to a support group in town, & she won't allow anyone to come to the house to help me with her. I'll admit that I want her to go to a nursing home as I get too frustrated with her & find myself yelling at times in the hopes she will understand what I'm trying to tell her. I want my life & freedom back.

jazzkeys 05/29/2016

OMG, my mom did all this. I finally had to call social services, I live in Canada, and they said she had dementia. She passed away 3 months ago. I had to place her in a nursing home, where she lived for 3 years before passing.
My mom was also diagnosed with paranoia. Daily, she hid her purse and thought the neighbors were trying to kill her and spying on her.
I had to be with her all the time for about 10 years before she was placed, I called her from work every hour or she would call the police saying someone was torturing me. They, of course would call me at work. Eventually, they had a pop up when she called but had to answer her call each time. Please get some help, I ended up in the hospital from burn out, I hope you don;t and get help.
Huge Hugs to you,
jazzy

rbd58 05/31/2016

jazzkeys
Thanks for your reply to my post. I would love to get some help, but I'm never alone. My Mom's eyes are always upon me & listens to every conversation I have on the phone. I don't want to annoy her as I get her wrath & my stress level is high enough. I wish I knew what to do to place her in a nursing home. I'll admit I don't want to deal with her anymore. She's 82 yrs old, has lived a pretty decent life, & she would get better care in a home where they are use to dealing with dementia patients. I haven't had a personal life for about 11 years now ever since we moved in together. She has been a difficult woman her whole life & having dementia just makes her worse. I find myself daydreaming about how nice it would be to be on my own again, to go & do what I want, when I want. Ohhhh FREEDOM.

modernmaturity 06/14/2016

Find out what your county has for elder services, and if possittble, meet with a social worker there. If you don't change anything, the situation will just get more and more miserable for both of you.

It will be interesting to see what her doc says to her. Be sure you attend that meeting. And you need to get everything naming you as POA (power of attorney) pronto.

Knowledge is power.

lonelymommers 06/15/2016

My mother is 87 and in an assisted living. I tried to have her live with me. It lasted 3 months. She would lie to the doctors to get more pills. She had to go to a rehab before the assisted living, she had been taking so many pills every day. She can be very loving and sweet. But can turn on me, my sister and my daughter in a minute. I'm moving and she knows I have things of hers stored here. I bring her over little things all the time, but she believes I have clothes and priceless treasure in there. She called all the relatives yesterday and told them I told her, if she doesn't come and get her things, I was taking everything to goodwill!! This is the most hurtful thing she keeps doing. She is so believable to people she doesn't see much. Some relatives will call me and tell me off! You are not alone, maybe we can all help each other. Huggs

minpinluvr65 06/23/2016

I think my mom is in the early stages of Dementia. She still has good days. My ex & I & two adult sons & my brother all live with my parents. My mom still knows who we all are. She's always talkin about goin home or she's been there & came back. She thinks her parents & my gram are still alive & livin with us.
She was a RN & worked with the elderly. I never wanted to be a CNA but when my gram moved in with us & got bad I had to care for her. Now it's my mom. My dad helps her with her shower. She eats one meal a day cuz she sleeps during the day & is up at night. None of us is trained in how to help someone with Dementia. She's only gunna get worse & I don't think any of us are ready for it;. We're already frustrated with her.
You can add me as a friend if you want. We can share things about our mom's.
Take care.

Let-the-Son-Shine 07/28/2016

Sounds like your mother does indeed have dementia or Alzheimer's. My 86-year old mother has both. She told us for years that something was wrong and believed she had Alzheimer's but we thought she was being a hypochondriac because she'd lived alone for so many years and her whole world revolved around herself. Sounds harsh, but true. Once her neighbors started calling us and saying she was walking to the mailbox at midnight (if she got a bill in the mail that day, she HAD to mail it in ASAP) and just about everything you mentioned, we believed she was right. It has been a journey. You don't wake up one day and your mom has advanced Alzheimer's. You and your family go through all the stages together. Do you have siblings? Does she? You can't do this alone. There are many resources available so try not to feel overwhelmed. Take one step at a time. I suggest you call the Alzheimer's Helpline at (800) 272-3900. Someone is available speak with you 24/7. Even if it's Dementia there are so many similarities I don't see the difference. I just joined this site tonight so if you will 'friend' me, I'll be happy to share my family's experience with you and offer whatever support I can.

annettearizona 07/29/2016

sounds like it is a good thing she has an apt with an specialist-that way you and the family will know what is the problem and what help you can give her and yourselves

Let-the-Son-Shine 08/04/2016

I agree with modernmaturity ... get yourself assigned as her POA. You'll need an attorney to draw up the papers but she has to be willing to sign. If not you'll need doctor's diagnosis and documentation. My mother was willing to sign me up so that I could handle her financials since she couldn't balance a checkbook anymore. But you need to stand up, be strong and move in a direction of change. It's only going to get worse the longer you put it off. Please know, however, that being a POA isn't a piece of cake. You will be your mother's advocate, which is what she needs along with medical help. But brace yourself for lots of red tape to go through on legal matters and criticism from family members who were never there to help. All of a sudden they have better answers when you are the POA. You've got to stick to your guns because part of this is protecting yourself which is just as, and maybe more, important as protecting your mom.

Petch 02/24/2019

I am in my late 50's and my mom, who was the rock in a multi family culture. She made sure everyone felt loved and cared for even though we wee from different marriages and religions and many other things.

She now has Dimentia and slips between bad days where nothing makes sense from one minute to the next but, worse when she has her good days and remembers her last husband and the beautiful life they put together over 40 yrears of time. She will sit me down and tell me how she is glad to be in a home becuae she couldn't handle taking care of such a big house and cooking and cleaning by herself.

Knowing her, I realize tjhat what she is telling me is true but, underneath that she is saying I miss my life and I am scared becuaser I do not know how I ended up here in a major care facility.

It is so sad it breaks my heart and lately I have een having my own stuff going on which normally my Mom would have been my strentgth. I am being chacked for Cancer and I told the care facility that I was not going to be able to come for a while as my own energy is going. They understand but, the asked that I do not tell my mom as it would make her sad. I agree with it but, I am also torn by it becuase what if I go before she does. It is all so over whelming that I have not been to see her for about six weeks and when I think I can I innevitably have a Dr's appointment

Anyhow that is m,y bit for today. I am taking care of funeral arrangemnts for mom before I get sicker. I will let the state take care of me. Som,etimes these types of choices are neccessary.

Anyhow thanks for being here and I have gotten a lot from other post.

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