Death and Complicated Grief Community Group
Has it been months/years, and you're still grieving the death of a loved one? Are the feelings of loss debilitating and not improving? Welcome to complicated grief.
I've never really talked about this with anyone and I have a really hard time getting close to anyone. I'm also a pathological liar, I don't know if this has anything to do with my loss but I just can't get close to anyone, if I do I end up lying to them. I lost my Mom when I was 13 and I still feel the aching void at age 35. I never told anyone this but I still feel like it was my fault. I won't get into that now but just wanted to get something out there as I'm new here.
catsien
Not sure what you mean about lying. I lie about everything too because my reality is too painful. It is easier to disguise myself as someone who functions.
auntierhon55
I think it is natural to want things to be better than they are. I loss someone special last year and it’s coming up on 1 year. I’ve struggled a lot this year. I’ve been very tired, Im always catching a cold, I feel run down, I’m missing a lot of church. I’m embarrassed that I’ve had so many losses and I’m embarrassed that I’m not handling it better. I have never been married but engaged twice. I’ve loss children. When I say I loss children I mean I’ve miscarried. I’m alone. I get no support from my siblings and I’ve missed so much church that I’m embarrassed by that. On the weekends I just pass out and sleep and do school work and teach. I do catch myself making things seem better than they are. People tend to lean on me for strength but honestly I don’t feel like I have any strength. Although I felt like I needed support I have given a lot of support to my siblings. It’s like the more I give, the more they want. When it comes to me, I get little to no support. This year my sister took me to two doctors appointments and went to church once. I’ve done far more than that for her. I catch myself pretending things are better. So you aren’t alone when it comes to not being truthful. I think it is natural. This weekend I wanted to go to church by I missed. I’ve been under the weather all weekend and today. Someone posted a message saying they were looking for me at church. I felt embarrassed so I initially lied and said I was out of town but then I went back and said I wasn’t feeling well. I believe the truth is we are grieving. When your grieving, many things can occur. It can Be physical, mental and spiritual. You have to be kind to self and let yourself off the hook. Each day focus on your needs. What do you need today? Today I need rest. So I took the day off to do so. Tomorrow I have to get up and go to work. I have to take one day at a time by focusing on my own needs not everyone else. Focusing on everyone else helps to avoid your own needs and I believe it makes matters worse not better. Hang in there.
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